I was hanging out with my friend (Venus) (we’d talked online for years but only met a couple months ago), her best friend (Pam), and their other friend (Daisy). They all drove to my campus to pick me up from my class.
The drive to the event at their old school was nice. We chatted about random stuff. It was not a typical school because it used an alternative way of teaching that is more progressive. I said the kids that go to that school are weird. Not nice, but, since being friends with a few kids that went to that school when I was in high school, I noticed some odd things.
The school was mainly white rich kids. That in itself doesn’t make it bad but the students had a tendency for having inflated egos and intellectual superiority complexes (as a result of going to a school like that?). The mixture of privilege and self aggrandizing led to some strange behaviour. But, at the end of the day, that’s just my observation.
Before I get into what happened, we had already talked about the plan for the day. My friend was waiting from a text from her friend (Alex) to see if we could go to Alex’s after the event. No one brought up the plans they had later. No one said they couldn’t make it to the Alex’s. No said anything about their plans.
After my comment, Venus got slightly defensive and, she even admitted, over explained. She wasn’t throwing a fit, but it was clear that my comment made her feel obligated to explain. I listened and I acknowledged her perspective. I didn’t agree with her, but I followed with “That makes sense”.
There was maybe 20 seconds of silence and then right after, Venus starts asking everyone in the car when they need to leave and then suggests that it could “be in my best interest” if I leave sooner (I told them earlier that my co worker asked me to cover, but if they were hanging out for longer, then I would stay). Pam said she had work in the morning and Daisy said she had to be somewhere. Venus said that I could “get that bag” because “there would be no point in staying longer”.
Venus told me in the past that she has trouble with saying things directly, so I said “I know you have trouble with saying things directly, but if you don’t want me here, I don’t have to be here”. Harsh. I know. But it seemed very convenient that she brings this up again after we already established that we were waiting for Alex to answer and that no one brought up their plans when we first talked about it.
She says that she didn’t mean that and that she knows what I mean, but this wasn’t the case. I bring up how strange it came off to me, but she replied with that wasn’t my intention. She said that she was just reiterating the plan. Mind you, we had the conversation 5 minutes ago.
I said that “I believe that it was weird and you believe that it wasn’t. Neither is right or wrong.” She tries to tell me that it’s fine and she wants me there, but I ask if they could drop me off, so I can get an Uber home. Now I’m home wondering, AITA?
You went to hang out with Venus and her friends at their environment (school) and then called everyone from that environment names. Why would you even go if you felt that way? I think it makes Venus look very bad to her friends if you look down on them and even say that to their face. What was your motivation exactly for making that comment? If I was Pam or Daisy I would have a negative impression of you even if I actually agreed with your opinion.
Then when they tried to have a discussion with you, you opted out and offered a condescending “that makes sense”, that rarely can come off as anything other than being superior. You didn’t engage or attempt to demonstrate that you are trying to see their point of view. Also, I would get a bad impression even if I agreed as this is a personality and attitude problem. All that definitely kills the hang out vibes and you did that single handedly.
Then there was some kind of misunderstanding and you decided to be offended even when they tried to appease you and left.
I think you might have very legitimate reasons to feel bad in that environment but if you look down on them and don’t wanna be there, why would you go? Hang out with them on other occasions. It sounds like you wanted them to agree with you as a condition for being friendly. That’s not reasonable. If you don’t like them or feel like an outsider, maybe address it directly instead of through calling them names?
I think YTA just in terms of behavior.
NTA for bringing it up but I don’t know what else you are expecting. You have to look at previous behaviour if you want a better idea of what she meant
omg i said something similar about a school near me and my friend got so mad.. i think we all judge schools that are different from what we’re used to but maybe keep those thoughts to yourself next time.
YTA. When you insulted the school it made it seem like you didn’t want to be there. The issue wasn’t that they wanted you to go, but randomly insulting people is off-putting and makes one wonder if you have a problem; they were politely giving you the out it seemed like you wanted.
I said this in another comment and didn’t include in the original post because I was at the word limit, but my friend even agreed that they were weird but made caveats in the explanation. I thought it was lighthearted but I was obviously wrong.
It wasn’t polite to me. It was indirect and gaslighty.
Them being wrong in thinking you wanted out is a consequence of your insults, ergo still yta.
YTA you are super judgmental to them of course you are an asshole. Let’s just break this down since you have the emotional and social intelligence of a coconut. You called these girls weird and killed the vibe, of course they don’t want to hang out with someone toxic, hostile, and tone deaf.
It sounds like you have an inflated ego and superiority complex.
You were picked up and driven to a place it sounds like you didn’t want to go and were then rude for no reason repeatedly. Why on earth would anyone want to hang out with you? YTA clearly.
I feel like you were expecting them to be okay with your comment. Let’s be honest, you were judging kids you don’t know and a school that’s changed since you went there and had friends that went there. Venus and her friends have a right to not want to be around someone that comes off as condescending in not understanding why they’re wrong.
YTA
They do have that right. But if they want me gone, they should say that. Being gaslighted into believing that they still wanted me there felt like they were treating me like I was stupid. And, as I’ve said in other comments, my friend agreed that the kids there were weird. She made caveats in her explanation, but she saw where I was coming from. Her friends said nothing so I have no idea how they felt.
I wish I could pin this but my friend admitted to the kids there being weird. She made caveats in her explanation, but she said that it was valid (even if she didn’t think that). If she was offended, I would’ve rather she told me that instead of being indirect.
Maybe next time if you left your inflated ego and intellectual superiority complex back at your school you would’ve been invited to stay. YTA.
They did invite me stay…. and my school wasn’t the one with the ego problem. Feel free to insult me but at least make it make sense.