I at 33 year old female, and my friend a 32 year old female have been friends for about 7 months. We have a lot in common and talk sometimes about politics or musicals or something like that. They actually started a couple days ago when I finally lost my temper with her because every time we talk it’s about that actress from Glee that I don’t want to watch. It doesn’t start out that way but it always ends up circling back to Leah Michelle or Kathy Rigby from Peter Pan.
Not only that if I say I have to go or I have other friends that I need to take care of or want to hang out with. It’s constant message message message message message and it’s just a stupid thumb up emoji. I understand she’s blind but seriously blind doesn’t make you stupid it makes you unable to see.
I mean I remember one time I was at synagogue during Hanukkah and she’s constantly all day messaging me. And then gets mad when I don’t answer her it’s like dealing with a child. Yesterday, I had a really tense interview with people that are going to hopefully be publishing my book in November. Things got heated I didn’t get fired but it was a tight thing.
That being said, she called me and I just sent her I just had a really bad day and I tried to tell her what was going on. But all she did was say to me, ‘ as long as they didn’t attack Kathy Rigby.’ . Here’s why I might be the asshole I finally said, " I don’t want to hear about Kathy Rigby this has nothing to do with Kathy fucking Rigby in this weird pair of social stuff you have going on is just getting creepy. Every time we talk it’s Leah Michelle or Kathy Rigby I don’t want to talk about them. Can we focus on my actual life for a minute?”
What she did for like 5 seconds but then she immediately switch back to forgive me for starts going back to this but ellipses. Honestly I was over it and I just hung up the phone. And then she started frantically texting me because she has anxiety like dude I don’t care anymore. I understand you disabled and you have anxiety I’m in a wheelchair but for God’s sake you’re not trying to be my friend you’re trying to dump celebrity news on me 24/7. Also I have time stamps of our conversations and some of them have lasted up to 10 hours. Am I the asshole for not answering her? I really could use a second opinion.
NTA. You’re just being straight up. If that doesn’t work and they still keep talking about Kathy fucking Rigby, I think they’ll understand when you stop replying to them. I also get annoyed when people make celebrity gossip their entire thing, and it especially annoys me when they try to talk to me about it, ESPECIALLY if it was during a time where the conversation should have been focused on you and what happened with the book publishing meeting.
The fact is that she’s smothering you. Tell her that you care about her, but you do not have time to message with her all day. Set the expectation- let’s talk once a week, or let’s text in the evening after you get off work. Whatever level you can handle. And tell her that you are simply not interested in Lea Michele or Kathy Rigby, and it’s gotten to the point that you’re exhausted with those topics. If she wants to talk about something else, great, but going forward you will not be discussing those two. If she brings them up, I would do one gentle reminder. If she continues, say, “Hey… I’ve mentioned this, I’m going to have to end the call but have a great day.” You are NTA. But set gentle boundaries up front so you don’t stretch all the way to your breaking point.
I’m sorry but I burst out laughing because my wife is obsessed with the current Chess revival and guess who’s starring in it? I will admit Lea Michele is actually damn good in it, but if I hear one more goddamn thing about Aaron Tveit…
Here’s the thing. This sounds like ragebait. But it’s such oddly specific believable ragebait if you’re the exact right person. And I am that person. So I’m treating this as real.
Anyway, NTA. Theatre kids are annoying as shit sometimes in our fixations. It’s just how we’re wired. Sometimes you just need to tell us to STFU and read a room.
Wondering if your friend might also be neurodivergent as well. Because, again, that can lead to a lot of “every conversation must come back around to my main interest” – ing. And, again, sometimes we need to be told to STFU.
Also, not sure if “pair of social” is autocorrect or just you taking the mick but either way, I love it, no notes.
And if she needs to talk about Lea Michele and Cathy Rigby that badly, may I suggest r/Broadway ?
Edited to add, I KNEW this story sounded familiar. Anyway. I was once in a mental health outpatient program with a bunch of people who, frankly, were on a different plane than me. I was dealing with unipolar depression. This one woman was convinced she had a psychic link with actress Kathleen Turner. And she talked about her exactly like your friend apparently talks like Cathy Rigby.
This adds nothing to anything, just, huh, I never thought I would hear something that reminded me of THAT.
NTA however if you’re in an important meeting or something, put your phone on do not disturb, or temporarily block her if you know she’s the problem.
It sounds like she is fixated on those 2 actresses. I saw that happen with someone else on a celebrity news message board I used to frequent, no matter who the story was about, she commented about an actor from decades ago.
It’s fine to need some time off from her, and tell her you need a break.
NTA, it sounds like you hit your breaking point. also ik this isn’t that important but it’s “parasocial” not “pair of social” sorry that’s gonna drive me nuts
r/boneappletea
Normally I’d say NTA but I took a look back at your previous posts and I think generally you need to may need to work on how you communicate with others. You have several posts involving poor communication on your end.
If this person is actually your friend, you should have communicated with them kindly when this first started to bother you rather than snapping at them. Their behavior is definitely odd but I don’t think this was approached properly from your side either
If you don’t care about this person then it is what it is, but if this is a friendship that you hope to continue… gently, YTA
Okay, this is hilarious, and you’re NTA, but she might have a mental health issue if she’s so fixated on these two actors. You told her your feelings and it’s totally okay to disengage from her for awhile.
NTA but is she neurodivergent? If so this may br a hyper fixation and doesn’t realize how annoying it is. You are still not wrong to tell her to stop, but if she is neurodivergent you may want to explain it better rmthan “no one cares”. Something like “hey I know you’ve been really interested with these actors for a while, but this is important to me, and as a friend I would like you to take it more seriously when I come to you with problems”.
NTA. You’re not an AH but you do need to calmly establish some boundaries with this person, and be ready to enforce them. It sounds like your friend really doesn’t have much going on, and having met you and sharing many interests with you, you may be her only outlet. But, with that said, she needs to understand you’re not available 24/7 to talk about the same few interests non stop. If she’s not only texting you constantly but expecting answers right away every time, that’s not reasonable. You have a life, you have things to do, you have other friends and you have other interests. If she’s unwilling to accept that she’s your friend but she’s not the center of your universe, then maybe this friendship has run its course. And that’s okay. You would not be wrong to move on if, after outlining what isn’t working for you and what boundaries you need, she’s unwilling or unable to respect them.
Could she be neurodivergent, like autistic or have ADHD?
Cathy Rigby?? She is in her mid 70’s and retired from performing about 20 years ago. Does anyone else find her to be an extremely odd choice of a celebrity to be obsessed with?
NTA but are you sure your friend isn’t secretly Jonathan Groff? I can’t think of one other human who would like to discuss Lea Michelle that much.