My friend Leanna is 17F. She has recently been really mentally ill. She was in a mental hospital for a week. Once she came out of the hospital she barely spoke to anyone for like a month.
One day suddenly she became really “hyper” I’ll describe it. She was talking to everyone. Really extroverted. She wrote a play. And suddenly decided to put it on. I 20F and our other friend Matt 18M thought it was a bad idea.
Our other friends thought it was good though and one of their fathers happened to own a venue she could do it at. And she cast our friends in the play. And was saying whatever profits shes makes she’ll split it with everyone.
Matt and I told her this is a terrible idea she’s not mentally stable enough and promising them money is crazy. She’s not good at maths and she’s not in the headspace. She laughed and said Matt’s good at maths he can be her “money manager”. He said no way.
She and our friends started to do the play. And she told us one day how depressed she was again. I told her that she’s too busy she should cancel the play. She said she likes the play. And she’s already sold tickets.
Matt and I were worried we said to our friends doing her play Talulah (16F),Sophie(18F) and Bethany(19F) about how terrible the play idea is because she’s so depressed lately.
Sophie quit the play. Talulah was going but felt bad. Leanna was upset because she didn’t have enough people to do it now. Bethany told her that the reason Sophie quit the play was because Matt and I told her to.
Leanna confronted us saying if we don’t like the play fine she won’t talk to us about the play so just forget about it. Me and Matt decided to just leave it .
Until she posted an advertisment for the play saying that a local drag Queen will be in it. Matt and I made a groupchat with her asking about this.
She said she met the him at a sketch night and told him about the play and he said he would watch. They saw eachother again at a drag bar and he asked her how the play was coming along and she told him she might have to cancel. He apparently jokingly said about how he’d go in drag and play the part. And they both actually loved that idea.
I said that’s sweet but it was bad enough with just friends now bringing a local celebrity into it? This could end really badly. And Matt asked if he’s not concerned at all about the pay. Leanna said he’s is fine with it and she’s letting him promote his drag show so there’s no problem.
I said it’s a problem because she’s taking on more than she can chew and if it ends badly it won’t just hurt her friends it could get the public talking about it since the drag queen is a big name. She then left the gc and won’t talk to us.
We talked to Bethany about it and she said that we need to be more supportive and the play is coming along great and it’s just a bit of fun. I again said that when it’s got money involved it’s more than just a “bit of fun” and Bethany said for us to just leave Leanna alone and mind our own business.
Leave Leanna alone and mind your own business.
It’s not your job to police your friend’s mental health. This play might even be good for her. You seem hell bent on stopping someone who you call a friend from doing something she’s passionate about. Could it be a manic episode? Maybe. But that’s not for you to assess. You went as far as to try to stop the play by saying whatever you said that resulted in someone dropping out. That was not nice.
You can care about your friend, but your lack of support is causing issues, so step back. You’ve been told several times to stop. YTA
I don’t think this is your friend. You’re pretending to care about this person, but you’re keen on ruining what brings her joy. She’ll do fine without you. You’re caring too much about stuff that isn’t yours. Leave her alone.
Who appointed you Leanna’s keeper? She’s gotten help from professionals. Good. That’s what you do when you need medical help. That doesn’t prevent you from trying something once you’re better. Maybe this works out, maybe it doesn’t. Either way it’s not your place to decide if Leanna can try something or not. At 17 she’s going to try a lot of things. As she should. A friend would encourage and support her. You are actively hindering her efforts. You need to apologize to Leanna, Sophie, Bethany, and Talulaha for butting into something that was none of your business. YTA.
YTA. Why are you consciously sabotaging a supposed friend’s project? For no clear reason other than “it might not work”? You’re literally derailing it on purpose.
Instead of trying to sabotage from the outside, how about supporting your friend and helping her make it a success?
May this friendship never find me.
YTA. It’s not costing YOU anything. I assure you, the people paying a few dollars for tickets are well aware it’s a gamble of it being total crap. The performer is an adult who can make their own decision about participating and again, I’m sure they’re aware it’s a gamble and I’m sure it won’t ruin their reputation to be in such a production. It’s really not that deep. Shut up, buy some tickets, politely clap, and feel however you feel about it quietly.
ESH except for Leanna.
Leanna is obviously bipolar and needs help, but not help from drag queens and busybody “friends”. Where are her parents in all this? She’s just a kid.
YTA. Bethany is right, you need to butt out.
It was fine to tell Leanna at the beginning why you thought it was a bad idea. But after that you needed to leave it alone.
Telling other friends to quit the play was completely unacceptable.
It really doesnʻt sound like youʻre friends with Leanna at all. It sounds more like youʻre envious that sheʻs doing a cool project people are interested in, and youʻre doing whatever you can to torpedo it.
1) this doesn’t sound real
2) you’re 20 and have a 16 year old friend?
3) you have a friend with bipolar disorder so severe she was hospitalized for it; now you are discouraging mutual friends from participating in her creative endeavors (harmless ones, by the way)?
YTA
INFO : You never explained why it’s such a bad idea in the first place.
YTA. you think your friend is struggling mentally, so you decide to convince people to quit her play and think having people quit on her, and learning her friend convinced them all, will help her mental struggle?
she said she’d split whatever profits she gets. what is so bad about that? if she gets $35, she’ll split it! if she gets $3500, she’ll split it! what is your issue with her sharing her profits? jfc.
and how exactly did you convince them it was a “bad idea”? please tell me you didnt share any of this stuff with other people and pour her business into everyone?
I didn’t say anything inflammatory I just said that I’m worried she’s not in the head space right now because she’s been depressed for a while and has now suddenly wanted to do everything and go everywhere
The only examples I named were
1. The play obviously
2.She’s applied for a bunch of jobs suddenly after not being able to even really handle college
3.Shes afraid of travelling yet impulsively booked a holiday to Paris for her 18th despite being scared to before and not having a lot of money
4.She wanted to get with Matt suddenly despite him asking her out several times and her saying she sees him as a friend
5. Going out clubbing even though she’s underage and usually doesn’t want to go to busy places or break the rules
I just highlighted that all of these seem very out of character and like a lot for her and I think she’ll crash at some point and then it will all be a big mess.
YTA and don’t sound like a friend at all. Stop controlling her. You’re not her keeper and no one is asking for your “help”
I think you should just distance yourself and see what happens. If the play sucks or she quits, it has nothing to do with you. If the play is a success, you will wish you had been more supportive. She’ll remember that you think she’s a screw up who can’t do anything right.