I’m a 23M and my friend is also 23M. Recently his son was turning one, and he invited me to the birthday party. I told him ahead of time that I unfortunately wouldn’t be able to make it. When I told him, he just replied with a thumbs up.
After that, I tried reaching out again later just to talk, but he never replied. I even sent a “happy holidays” message after that and still didn’t hear anything back.Now I’m wondering if he’s upset with me for not going to his son’s first birthday and just decided to stop talking to me.
I didn’t skip it out of disrespect. I just genuinely couldn’t make it. But now I’m questioning if I should’ve tried harder to go since it seems like he might have taken it personally.
AITA for not being able to attend and possibly upsetting him?
You weren’t available.
If you want to know what’s going on with your friend, put some effort into seeing him and ask.
NAH
NTA. I literally popped out a kid a few days ago and my sister can’t travel an hour to see him for two weeks. I get it, life happens. I can’t imagine ghosting a friend over what is essentially an excuse to watch a kid destroy a tiny cake and have grandma buy him more stuff.
you are so reasonable. your child is so lucky. you’re clearly an amazing mom. my close friend has this kind of attitude about things and her kids are really well adjusted and happy.
INFO: Have you found some way to ask why he is not responding? If he’s not responding he’s not responding, but I’m curious if you asked that specific question. He may be waiting for you to “care enough to ask”, which is a ridiculous thing that humans often do. People build things up in their head and get upset over something, and then they stew on it and ruminate, and then the fact that the other person seems to not even notice the thing that’s upsetting them adds to that.
From what I can tell, nothing you sent him is an apology for not being able to miss such a big moment, or validating his feelings. TO BE CLEAR: this is not about who’s the asshole, it’s about solving the problem so you and your friend can move on. Getting hung up on who’s right or who’s wrong is a great way to escalate the issue.
NAH. I’m a mom so it might be a hit different, but I had friends miss my son’s first birthday party, and it was no biggie! I did have a friend think I was upset about it, but I just genuinely forgot to get back to them. Parenting takes up a LOT of brain space and energy, so sometimes I mean to text back in a few minutes and it turns into weeks 😂 my best friend is also a mom and we’ve gone like six months without texting or seeing each other. It just happens. If it’s really bugging you, you can try sending meme or something over socials if that’s the norm for you guys, but I think you might just have to wait it out. A lot changes around one, too, so he might just be a little overwhelmed.
It’s a pretty weak friend if they ghost you because you skipped a 1 year old’s birthday party. Pretty sorry ass that he expected you to show up really.
NTA. You told him ahead of time that you couldn’t make it, and it sounds like you weren’t avoiding him on purpose. Sometimes people take things more personally than we expect, especially with big milestones like a first birthday, but you communicated honestly. If he’s upset, that’s on him, not you.
NTA Did you have a medical appointment or had to work overtime and wouldve came when everyone was leaving/left tthe party? if that was the case you couldve brought a gift and sent it on the day of the party or do you live far from your friend and traffic would be a problem or couldve you made it in time even if you arrived after the cake cutting
It wasn’t something like a medical appointment or overtime that day. I just genuinely couldn’t make it work with everything going on. I work full time and have also been focusing a lot on my health lately, so my time outside of work is pretty limited. I let him know ahead of time that I wouldn’t be able to make it so it wasn’t last minute.
I also bought his son a gift and told him that in the text when I said I couldn’t make it, and that’s when he just replied with a thumbs up. I know I could’ve tried to drop the gift off another day, but I don’t really just show up at people’s houses without communicating first. When I tried reaching out to communicate again he didn’t respond, so I actually still have the gift here wrapped.
NTA. Life happens and there is not much you can do about that. Give him time, he’ll come around.
The son won’t remember it, but your friend may, although I really doubt it.
Nta but maybe he is actually super busy running after a 1 or old if he was a girl id say yeah he’s mad but guys tend to do this thing where simple answers are literal and he could just be busy