My girlfriend is catching up with a friend at the weekend. It’s her best friend and they haven’t seen each other in months as her friend doesn’t live nearby. They’re going to an event in town but first her friend is coming to ours for a few hours so they can properly catch up.
She’ll be at the apartment for around 5 hours. My girlfriend asked what my plans were for Saturday while her friend is here. I asked what she meant and mentioned that I’d just be relaxing at home, watching some tv, gaming for a bit and probably watch a movie since it’s been a stressful week.
She said she’d be catching up with her friend and that it would be distracting if I was just sat there. I said it’s my home too and she can’t just expect me to leave because she wants to see a friend. I said if they want to catch up just the two of them then they can go somewhere else.
She said she wasn’t asking for much and I wasn’t being fair but I just said I don’t want to just waste my Saturday when I’d rather be relaxing at home.
AITAH for not leaving the apartment on Saturday?
NTA
NTA
She should’ve worded it better, but it sounds like you haven’t had much to do with her best friend and it would probably feel a little awkward for her friend to be telling your girlfriend about whatever she’s been up to (sex stories, family drama) with a stranger in the same room, even if you’re gaming. However, it’s completely natural that you wanna relax after a long week and it is your place too.
I didn’t think it’s you who should right this, but communication and compromise is key here. Depending on how large your place is and what your gadget situation is, can you relax in bed with your laptop or TV or phone for a couple hours? I think five hours is mad to be honest, but that’s just my opinion.
> but communication and compromise is key here.
Have you seen OPs responses? Because I can tell you now that neither of these are going to happen.
MTA
You shouldn’t necessarily have to be out the whole time, but is it possible to go out and do something for a couple of hours.
They might want to talk, her friend might want to share stuff that they can’t talk about with you there. That doesn’t mean it’s shady, but the friend is hers not yours.
If you have nowhere to go and nothing to do then just say so.
Info: How often does she make an ask like this? Could you game in your bedroom so that they could have time to talk without an audience?
If she asks for this every weekend, that’s too much. You of course are entitled to use your space. But if this is something they only do like twice a year I think you are being unreasonable. Some catch up topics are things you want to talk about in a private space and a coffee shop won’t meet their needs.
You guys just need to compromise. They probably want to be cozy on the couch to gossip, reminisce and update each other. You want to enjoy your home and relax and watch TV, probably also from the couch. Maybe you can chill with them in the living room for a bit, then go relax in your bedroom for a while and give them space? Or go catch a movie to give them a couple of hours to girl talk? You needing to be gone for 5 hours doesn’t sound necessary but I bet you guys can meet each other in the middle on this one.
This is her best friend that she hasn’t seen in ages, they will want to talk and laugh and probably do girl stuff like try on outfits and do makeup if they’re getting ready for an event. While you lay on the couch. How small is the apartment? I don’t think you will have the restful day you want if you stay, and she won’t be able to relax and fully enjoy the visit. Can you compromise? Maybe she and her friend go out to eat for a couple of hours and you go to a friends place to chill out for a while while they get ready? They’ll be gone for the evening anyway if they are at an event, you can game then.
Info: We have no idea what your setup is like. Are you sat on the couch in the living room gaming while they’re sat in the same room catching up?
Probable: couple grating on each other a bit, failing to compromise. It is a bit weird bringing a friend to your home and expecting you to clear off tbf. It’s just this is so heavily dependent on the context of what else is happening in your life.
NTA for wanting to chill at home, but you’re absolutely the AH for the attitude you’re giving to any reasonable response you get. There are compromises that could be reached, but you don’t seem to want to try any of them?
You’re BOTH arseholes. And you both have a LOT of growing up to do!
Part of adulting as a couple is communication, adapting to the needs of the other (but not all the time, unless allergies or something…) setting out reasonable expectations, discussing and brainstorming so that you can come to an agreement as to who does what, and who can have what.
That involves TIMELY communication. Your gf should have discussed with you, well in advance, that she was hoping to bring her friend home for about 5 hours for time together, and to ask you – ASK – whether you could make plans to be somewhere else for most of that time, so they could have time alone to catch up. Frankly, she should **want** to introduce you to her best friend, but it’s normal that she doesn’t want her meeting with her friend to be *just* you and the friend getting to know each other – that could make you and/or the friend uncomfortable, and 5 hours would be way too long.
And you should agree to let them have time without you. You should WANT to tbh. The fact that it’s your home doesn’t override the fact that it’s also her home, and unless she’s doing this 2+ times a month, it’s not going to kill you to go elsewhere for a few hours.
Maybe go visit a friend, or go to a gym, or browse or explore, whatever is up your street – but ask her what time they’ll be leaving, say you’d like to meet her friend before they go out, because what’s important to your gf should be important to you. *(If she doesn’t want you to meet this friend at all, then you will have something to worry about. Either she’s not that into you, or she’s more into the friend than she’s told you.)*
INFO.
How often does she ask for privacy in the house? Privacy is a reasonable ask in a shared household. My partner hosts a monthly therapy group at our house, for instance, which I can’t be at home for, and we’ve also each ‘kicked each other out’ sporadically for visits, events of various sorts, etc. Wanting to exist separate from your partner at home for a few hours is reasonable. (Kinda similar to vacating a shared college dorm room for a couple hours when your roommate has a date, lol.)
If it’s happening *every* weekend, or more than once every couple months, NTA. But if this is a twice a year thing, YTA. Respect her ask for privacy and find a way to relax elsewhere for a few hours. In an ideal relationship, compromising for your partner’s happiness (occasionally) should feel good.
Do your gf this one favor and busy yourself with something else. Go to the gym, go to a movie, visit friends and/or relatives, any number of things. yta
NTA. She can go somewhere or she can catch up with her friend and they can ignore you. You have the right to chill in your own home. Anyone who says otherwise is a massive ahole. She’s being completely ridiculous and I am shocked anyone is siding with her.
INFO – Are you the same guy who posted this exact story yesterday?