I 23 F made plans to watch Bridgerton with a friend 25 F last weekend. We had been talking about this for weeks & it was MY idea to make the long drive so we could watch it together.
When I arrived, I wasn’t even in the house for a minute before I was told that 1 of her friends would be joining. I wanted this to be our time between the 2 of us due to our rocky history. There were things I wanted to talk about & now I wouldn’t be able to because I knew we weren’t going to have any alone time.
5 minutes after I arrived her friend was there & thus began the downfall. I thought her friend was joining because she also watched Bridgerton but no, she knew absolutely nothing about it. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that she was scrolling on TikTok loudly while we were watching & that was a distraction. Don’t get me wrong, her friend is a nice girl & funny but honestly a heads up about her coming would’ve been nice. At least I could’ve prepared myself mentally for a different hangout.
We took a break to get some food. When we got to the eatery, my friend asked me what I wanted which was just fries. I saw her take out her card to pay for her and her friend. Maybe I was dumb for assuming she was gonna pay for me too but when she turned around & told me “dang I should’ve put your fries on mine” I was hurt. I wanted to say “damn forgot about me that fast?” but I kept my mouth shut and ordered. While we waited I just let the two of them talk while I stayed to myself & that was how it was for the rest of the hangout. I was just so frustrated.
We finished Bridgerton, I needed some air. I wanted to go for a walk to clear my head but I didn’t get far. I turned around & went back to my friend’s place. My friend suggested we all go for a walk. Which could’ve been great if 3rd wheeling didn’t turn into 4th wheeling. My friend had a friend who lived in the area. We said our introductions but after that, it turned into a friend’s reunion that I wasn’t apart of. I don’t think I talked for a solid hour because they were talking about things relating to their past.
After a while both friends ended up leaving & you’d think this would finally open up the door for the conversations but NO. We still weren’t alone because she immediately hopped on FaceTime with 2 friends. I had given up on trying to have a conversation so I kept to myself. My friend said she wanted to do this again but I don’t know if I want to. I don’t want to drive 2 hours again to feel excluded. I told myself that if she planned it & was serious about it, then maybe. But I also know if she’s the 1 who plans it, that means she can invite whoever & I can’t be upset cause it would be her choice & her plans.
Some of my friends called me an asshole for being mopey all day & that I should’ve sucked it up & tried to make friends with her friends but I wasn’t there for them, I was there for her.
Am I the asshole for being upset over being a 3rd wheel during a hangout I planned?
Meet your friend for lunch or dinner. Watch parties usually involve a few people. nah
NTA, sorry but I don’t think she wants to be that close to you anymore. She obviously has her own circle now, and unfortunately, you’re not part of it. She didn’t want to be alone with you and preferred the company of her other friends. Just accept that you’ve grown apart and you’re more like acquaintances now. Let it go.
If you were counting on having a serious 1 on 1 talk you should’ve specified that when making the plans. No you’re not an asshole lol. But you made a bunch of assumptions without ensuring any of it and when that’s not how it played out you got all butthurt. I get why you’re disappointed and maybe even a little annoyed, but you don’t have the right to be mad at her. You should’ve clarified exactly what you were looking to do if you had such rigid expectations for how the night would go.
Seems like your friend wasn’t really looking for a serious 1 on 1 time anyways though. She wanted something more casual/laid back. Idk what your history with her is but maybe she still feels a little uncomfortable around you and she’s trying to ease herself back into it. If you hurt her in the past and you’re trying to get back into being a part of her life maybe take a breath and relax and go with the flow for a bit idk.
Regardless just communicate better. Be clear about what you’re looking to do. If you wanna have one on one time then say that. It’s not weird you assumed it would be just you two, but it’s weird to get so mad that it wasn’t. You gotta go with the flow sometimes. If you have rigid expectations then you need to clarify them up front rather than just assuming everyone else knows exactly what you wants and is on board.
NTA though. None of this remotely makes you and asshole lol
I will add though that just like you should’ve clarified up front you were looking for some one on one time, your friend shoulda checked with you that you were cool with other people joining in. You both should’ve communicated better.
Seems like her “friend “ was looking for a buffer
Yeah that’s a good way to put it. Whatever it is op was hoping for it definitely doesn’t seem like the friend was ready for that level of intimacy yet.
She’s still not fully comfortable around you enough to be doing 1-on-1 heart-to-heart evenings would be my guess, op. But she invited you over and asked you to come back, so she may be interested in getting more comfortable with you. Idk, we don’t have enough info about the dynamic and history between you two to fully understand that part. But I wouldn’t be pissed at her over this personally. If you wanna rekindle a friendship you’re going to have to be flexible enough to match the pace the other person is comfortable with.
NTA! You planned the hangout and you made the drive. Your friend should have prioritized your time together rather than inviting others over without your knowledge (and FaceTiming people who you don’t know). Either your friend is super ignorant about social expectations, or she’s a self-aware asshole! Please surround yourself with people who respect you and your time, OP.
ESH. Friendships like this are exhausting. If you want 1 on 1 time, communicate that. But also if people are watching something, be a little courteous and don’t watch tiktoks on full volume. Also what’s with the immediate facetime. I would have left at that point and told my friend to have fun on her phone instead.
OP she’s not your friend. Make real ones and be more communicative.
NTA.. It’s sad but seems you’re more invested in a friendship with her than she is with you. Match energy and only put to it what she puts to it and see how it goes. Expect nothing different. I certainly wouldn’t drive 2 hours to be ignored. Begin to pull away from this one. ✌🏼
What do you need to talk to her about? Can’t you FaceTime or talk to her about it another time? Why don’t you ask her to visit you? Also, did you stay over at her house or did you drive back home?
she completely disregarded your time and the “rocky history” by bringing a human tiktok machine along. NTA
NTA.
2nd calmly described to your friend what you just wrote here… (without judgement would be my advice).
Either you describe really clear what YOU want to your friend (boundaries) and see if the next time she does respect those. If not clear signs you are more into her and hanging out with her) than she is in/with you.
Omg this is absolutely one of my biggest pet peeves. I can’t stand when I make plans with someone and at the last minute they “ask” to bring someone else along. Putting me in a spot where if I say no they get all upset. If I say yes 9 times out of 10 I’m pretty much excluded because the person they brought along is actually the person they obviously wanted to hang out with. I’ve also noticed this usually happens towards the end of friendships. Most of the time if I decide to no less longer contact them to hand out we stop hanging out all together. Which just proves that the friendship was one-sided.
You wrote many times ´I kept to myself’, well, just don’t, speak out, say what’s in your mind, you were afraid that would ruin the mood, so instead, you let your feelings be hurt.
Another take, it looks like your friend actively avoided to be alone with you, was she trying to dodge the conversation you planned to have with her ?