Yesterday I (24F) went out with 2 friends to a bar. We met at my house and I drove us to the bar, I live 10 min away. While we were driving one friend, we can call her Maria (26F), was telling us about how she got pulled over but was able to get off with a warning, and claimed she “learned her lesson”.
She was pulled over for doing an illegal U turn. She also added that her and another friend had been drinking prior and only had “a few cans” before they left. Turns out the “lesson” Maria learned was just to drive more careful when she’s been drinking. I immediately went into “mom” mode and started telling her how lucky she was that they didn’t ask for a breathalyzer or that they didn’t hit anyone since it was late at night. She kept defending herself saying this is the second time it’s happened and she hasn’t gotten asked about a breathalyzer so she’s just “lucky”, but knows she can deny a breathalyzer on the spot. This is where I went off on her. I kept telling her she could just NOT drink and drive. I brought up the alternatives like just take Ubers, or sleep in her car, or just call for a ride, literally anything else but drive. Every time I brought up another reason she would have an answer for it like “I do this every weekend”, “I’m safe about it”, “I’ve been doing this since HS”. At one point I straight up asked why she was defending drinking and driving but claimed she wasn’t. I kinda got mad and asked her what she’s gonna do when she kills a pedestrian. When she survives an accident but takes out a family. I could tell our other friend got uncomfortable from the comments, I kinda felt like I went too far for bringing it up but I was already too far into the conversation. Maria got kind of upset saying don’t put that bad juju on her cause she would never do that and it would never happen to her. We went back and forth just reiterating our arguments until we got to the bar. Maria was trying to turn it around on me asking if I was gonna drink since I was driving, I admitted that I was gonna have one when we arrived but I’d make sure I was sober before we left, or our other friend would drive cause she wasn’t drinking anyway. The vibe felt off the rest of the night and I feel like it was my fault that I turned a fun night out into that before we even got to the bar. Later that night we talked about maybe hanging out again with the rest of our friends but Maria seemed hesitant, I feel like I might have just burned a bridge by going off on her like that. AITA?
NTA.
Maria is an irresponsible child.
NTA fun fact, insurance does not cover you in the event of an accident if you’re above the legal limit. Any costs associated with it are personally liable. Then there’s worst case of if you kill or maime someone.
An Uber or taxi charge is always the cheapest long term option.
NTA, I wouldn’t want friends who think it’s okay to drink and drive.
NTA. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt due to a drunk driver. You are better off without her as a friend.
NTA – your friend was trying to justify drinking and driving, which makes her an AH. You are correct to challenge her – and if she continues with that attitude, I would seriously reconsider the friendship. There is NO justification for drinking and driving, full. stop.
NTA. Drunk drivers are not careful drivers. Just because she didn’t get caught doesn’t mean she should think it’s ok. Just because no consequences happened doesn’t mean she can still do it.
My partner’s relative also has this issue and it terrifies me how many times they probably *didn’t* get caught/crash their car.
Well, my 24 year old daughter was recently killed by a drunk driver, so fuck Maria. You should burn that bridge because those kinds of people do not care who they endanger. NTA
Ofc NTA. You’re 100% right.
NTA. You told her a truth she doesn’t want to hear. Frankly, this is not the kind of person I would want as a friend, nor anyone that would support her.
Nta.
Find better friends. Drunk driving is dangerous and destructive.
Also, im petty and would start calling in everytime i saw her at the bar or on the road. Give the police something to do witg their resources.
NTA. Listen to me very closely: don’t you feel a tiny bit bad about what you did. At all. None. No notes. Was it perfect? Who cares. No notes.
The vibe was off cause you can’t vibe fun knowing someone is willing to cross the line. Once you know that, the vibe needs to match the actual energy present.
> later that night we talked about maybe hanging out again with the rest of our friends but Maria seemed hesitant, I feel like I might have just burned a bridge
Good. Be Hesitant. Go back and throw gas on this bridge. The bridge either realizes it CAN happen to them or never approach that bridge again.
Would you want to drive over a bridge designed by someone who though gravity was just bad juju? No, you’d burn it down and not look back.
Don’t look back.
NTA drink driving kills. You did the right thing. Maria reacted like that because she knows that you are right and she doesn’t want to admit what she is doing is wrong.
NTA. I am of the firm opinion that people who drink and drive in the day and age should be charged with attempted vehicular homicide. There is zero reason not to uber. DUIs cost at least $20,000 even without harming someone.
I have lost someone due to a drunk driver. It is an incredibly selfish and irresponsible thing to do. I do not want to be friends with someone that selfish and irresponsible.
NTA! No one who is drunk ever *plans* on having an accident and/or killing someone. Alcohol clouds judgment. It sounds like Maria might not have particularly good judgment to begin with so alcohol is going to just make that worse.