My son is 23. He has always lived here in an in-law apartment for free. About a year ago, he got into some legal trouble and is now on probation. Through that process, he also lost his job.
I got him set up with a new job. He then walked out on that job after a couple of weeks. He first lied about it but after getting caught could give no reason as to why he did it. He declined all invitations to family holiday activities this year and has made no attempt to rejoin the family.
We tried to get him into counseling but he refuses. He has done nothing to try to obtain a new job. He sits in the house on his computer and hasn’t left the house for weeks
He had a lot of money saved up, so we started charging him rent with the thought that the money slowly depleting would motivate him to do something. The thought was to save the rent and give it back to him once he turned things around. That didn’t happen. He is now out of money.
I tried to talk to him but the only thing he will say is that he has no plan and doesn’t care. I told him that he would need to leave by the end of the month. He is not going to live here with no job and no plan to fix the issue. I don’t know what else to do.
I have no idea if he will go willingly and do not know what he has for options outside of being here. But at the end of the day, I feel like he is giving me no other options and will move forward with legal eviction if he doesn’t go. So I don’t know, AITA?
NTA he needs to grow up
It sounds like hes probably got severe depression & maybe some other issues. I do believe tough love is the only way out but what that looks like is probably uo to the experts. NTA, good luck, hope he finds something to help flip things around.
Shut him out of the internet…. no gaming, Netflix etc.. see how that goes..
Probably not a bad idea. OP mentioned him committing an offensive cyber crime. We can use our imagination about the details.
NTA.
If it were me and you could afford it I would probably tell him he can have the rent money back if he leaves without the legal progress but you wouldn’t be an AH if you didn’t.
He needs to learn or you will be paying for him at 53.
Sounds like exterme depression, I would be very worried about a suicidal outcome.
Trust me, I am extremely worried about it. Took him to the ER hoping to get him into treatment but he wouldn’t cooperate and they won’t do anything since he is no longer a minor.
He doesn’t care about doing anything or getting better, because he doe not care if he lives or dies but has not yet reached the point of action.
I don’t know what to do, But your son is still a young person with a under developed brain, not sure if kicking him out/ abandoning him will help him get better.
Sorry this a tough situation.
Change WiFi password asap and be prepared to change locks. NTA
NTA but he sounds depressed. I’m no expert, but rather than rent, I’d make therapy a condition of him staying (use the money you have saved up from his rent).
Therapy is actually a condition of his probation and to the best of my knowledge he still isn’t doing it. But that’s a good idea, thanks!
Okay, the answer is easy. You call his probation officer. This is no longer a question for you. That is what you need to do.
He is not fulfilling the terms of his probation, because the courts knew he needed therapy! Let his probation officer know that he is not completing therapy. He may need to go in. That may be the only way to get in the help that he needs.
It’s not that youre being the asshole here, but this sounds more like a serious and long-term depression that’s hit him really hard. It’s your choice how to respond to this but empathy absolutely has a higher success rate with this than kicking him out.
NTA but start by turning off the Internet for him and if he wants internet he pays for it. If he wants food. He pays for it it may motivate him to move his butt.