I (21F) recently lost my grandmother. Because of this, my relatives of course went back to town to visit and mourn.
It was the final night of her wake (the night before she got buried), and me and my cousins were in a corner catching up to distract ourselves from the thought of our beloved grandma being gone.
One of my cousins (23F) who I was close with, was on face time with her boyfriend. I was in a relationship as well (still am, with the same person). Me and my significant other were in a long term relationship atp.
My cousin suddenly brought up the fact that she didn’t want to get married, whilst her boyfriend was still in the call. She said that she didn’t believe in marriage, because her parents had marital issues. She frequently verbally degrades her boyfriend as well (even in front of us), calling it her way of joking around and he seems to be fine with it, though I just think that he’s just scared to stand up for himself.
She then started bringing me and my boyfriend up in the conversation, saying that I was still young and my relationship might just be "puppy love". She also stated that she knows first relationships all too well (this was indeed my first relationship), and that I should be prepared for heartbreak.
I, of course, got slightly offended by that, because I am in a healthy relationship and I had known my boyfriend since kindergarten (we only started dating during senior year). When I retorted that I’d known him for YEARS dating back to when we were kids, she chuckled and said that she experienced that too with one of her exes. I wasn’t backing down. I also mentioned that I am very close to his family at that point that I was already invited to family functions, etc. She said the same things like she already experienced that with one of her exes and look where that ended up. My cousin clearly enjoyed "teasing" me, as she called it, even laughing to her boyfriend on face time.
I was pissed. I got up, and walked right out. My cousin chased and yelled after me, saying that she was just teasing and joking around, but I didn’t look back. She even talked to my mom after that and said that I was being sensitive for not taking it as a joke.
I didn’t get to spend the rest of the night at the last wake, because I went straight back to my house from the funeral home. I was hurt, offended, and felt depressed the whole ride back. My other family members kept spamming my phone, saying that I should go back and be respectful, one of them even saying that I was being immature.
The next day (burial), I didn’t acknowledge my cousin. Everytime I saw her, I looked away and ignored her. Call it childish, but I couldn’t talk to her after what she had said the night before.
That was three weeks ago. Still no contact, which felt weird because we used to face time frequently, formerly being close with each other as I have mentioned. Up to this day I am still ignoring her. AITA?
EDIT:
I’ve seen some comments stating why was everyone else tolerating her being on face time/ her attitude towards me/her boyfriend. She’s been that way ever since we were young. She’s done a lot of similar things to me growing up, and I think it’s maybe she still sees me as a child. We were close because I saw her as an older sister and she’d always talk to me during family gatherings. This was the first time it got to the point where I was pissed enough to leave.
NTA she was childish and likely jealous of your relationship. Be nice but keep in mind her ‘teasing’ was intended to make her feel better and be warned.
I don’t know how you could be the asshole here. Abuse shouldn’t be tolerated in any setting.
NTA.
NTA, your cousin seems to be controlling and abusive. You shouldn’t have to put up with this for anyone’s sake. Consider cutting her off permanently, as she seems to be trying to guilt you into coming back.
ESH That wasn’t the place for that conversation if it was causing you all to lose sight of why you were there. You were there primarily to mourn your grandmother and to support your parent, aunts/uncles who had just lost their mother. To walk out created more drama when that was the last thing anyone needed. You need to sit down your with cousin and sort this out. If I was your parent I would also expect an apology.
So I don’t think that you are necessarily an a h for leaving. It was better than a confrontation at the wake. A wake is already an emotionally charged situation. I do think your cousin is an ah for her behavior. Face timing while at a wake is a real ah move to me.
Your cousin sounds like a narcissist who needs counseling to deal with insecurity in relationships due to her parents bad relationship.
Your family needs to stop excusing and ignoring her behavior. If I was you I would distance myself from her.
I hope her boyfriend grows a spine and stop putting up with her abuse..
Curious why her boyfriend wasn’t in attendance?
NTA seems to me, your cousin needs to feel superior so disguises it as humour…not very good humour but in a sense.
I wouldn’t have walked out tbh , you could have achieved the same level of non contact with her by sparking up a conversation with an elderly relative or simply moving to a different corner.
Honestly, I think you should have just detached from the conversation rather than the funeral altogether. Your cousins warped perception of relationships has no bearing on whether or not your own relationship will actually be successful- so why give her that much control over you?
No mistake about it, you’re causing the TA. But in the future, try not to feed into people who behave like this.
NTA. Your cousin embarassed herself and needs to apologize for real
You’re NTA but you should get thicker skin. Who the hell cares what your cousin thinks about your relationship? If you’re secure and happy whatever she says has no bearing on you. “We’ll see” and a smile would’ve been fine. No one likes being teased, and hearing that someone doesn’t think your relationship is going to end well isn’t fun, but it means nothing. You and your boyfriend know each other better than she will ever know either of you.
NTA. Your cousin seems to be an insecure person, who feels better about herself by putting down others disguised as a “joke.” I wouldn’t want to be around that type of person either
Since when is it acceptable to be on FaceTime while at a wake? Smh It sounds like she’s been unhappy in her relationships (probably unhappy now) and is jealous that you’re not. What she did wasn’t teasing. You did the right thing by leaving.
YTA for not moving away from your cousin. You stood up for yourself, so there was no need for the back and forth and leaving
why even post this lol you don’t seem to think you’re the asshole in any capacity anyway…. what exactly are you seeking an opinion on?