I 45 F have been with my 45 M boyfriend for 5 years. As far as I knew, he got along with my family and I got along with his very well. I will preface this by saying we have had a very rocky relationship up until recently. As of right now we are in the best place, we have been since being together. About a month ago, he got a phone call from his mother stating that they were doing family pictures at their church, but she did not want me or my husband‘s daughter‘s boyfriend in them. Her reasoning was that we were not engaged or married. As if that means you’re going to be together forever? He and I have been together longer than one of their engaged grandchildren. I told him I was extremely hurt by this. Over the next few weeks, I would bring it up randomly and he would say that he could not change his mom‘s mind on this. Fast forward to the day of the pictures I was a wreck. I was seriously really hurt crying at work. He then sends me a screenshot of a text that he sent to his mom stating that he wanted me and my kids in the pictures all of a sudden it was OK that we would come. This is three hours before we were set to take pictures and I was stuck at work until five with picture time being at 6:15 and it would’ve been an hour drive for me. I had been crying all day eyes puffy, no makeup hair not done. I told him there was no way and I did not want to go since I had to invite myself. Heathen got upset with me because he said he stood up for me and now it’s OK and now I don’t wanna go. Come to find out they had the wrong date and pictures were actually the following week now he is expecting me to go and I still don’t feel like I should. I feel like this was a very calculated move on her part and I’m not sure why she would do this. So am the asshole if I still choose to not go?
Wait, you felt you were left out and now you’re included and you are upset?yeah, I think you are the AH
You havent had five years of a loving, harmonious relationship, you have had five years of a tumultuous relationship that has only recently stabilized. If anything your five years together work against you in this situation. You made a huge deal about being included and then once they relented to include you you dont want to go. That is only going to solidify in their eyes that they were correct to exclude you in the first place. And your relationship is not as stable as you claim it is if you are calling your partner a heathen over this. Therapy. Please get therapy.
I agree with your overall statement but I do think OP meant to put “He then” rather than “heathen”
YTA, you’re the one that make a big deal of not being included and now that you are included, you are still a big baby over it. Get over yourself.
ywbta. You have a week to prepare. He asked for you, MIL said yes, so go. You will make him happy. His mother will feel happy, too, that she was so generous spirited to agree. When people do others favors, they like them more because doing the favor made them feel good about themselves.
Once at the photo shoot, you can offer to have yourself and your daughters sit out one of the photos. That way, his mother can buy two, one with you and one without, so if you two break up, she has a choice.
Also, it is quite common for parents to want only their original children in a photo, or only people they assume will be permanent due to marriage or partners with children.
I hope you two are together forever, but no one can predict the future. Your MIL and FIL might surprise everyone and split up! Then your MIL will have to photoshop FIL right out of the photo and you will still be there.
ESH You all sound insufferable. It’s not nice but it’s just pictures, to claim you were a “wreck” over it is ridiculous. Then you got the offer to be in the pictures after your partner stood up for you and you throw your toys out the pram?? Kim there’s people that are dying.
YTA, this is a huge overreaction. You’re not legally part of the family, you’re not the only excluded partner, and you’re being difficult over both not being invited and being invited. Gently, you’re too old to be acting like this.
\>I will preface this by saying we have had a very rocky relationship up until recently.
I stopped reading right here. YTA for staying with this guy for 5 years…..
So you brought it up repeatedly after the fact for weeks, making a huge deal of it and making him understand how much it supposedly meant to you and so when he talks to mom and mom relents, now you’re all high and mighty not wanting to go. YTA, grow up. Either you want to be included or you don’t or you just want to be the victim either way.
I get that you wanted to be included from the start but you yourself said the relationship has been rocky so maybe his mom was reading off of that not knowing you’re in a really good place now.
Is your husband someone different than your boyfriend?
Yta. No wonder those few years were rocky. Crying all day at work over pictures? Give me a break.
Yeah, YTA in every way.
This is actually a very embarrassing behavior for a 45 year old who is raising children, and I hope you realize that. With luck, your partner see this behavior for what it is; manipulative, emotionally immature, and lacking in any version of consideration for other people.
So a 45yro toddler. Got it… YTA
Seriously YTA
It bothered you enoogh to want to go, and when he stood up for you, you backed out and left him hanging
No wonder the mom doesn’t respect you here. You’re not being an actual partner in the relationship, you should both be on each other’s side