So I (F29) have just sat down to speak to my partner of three years (35M) about what step is made next. In the early days I spoke about starting a business in the industry I have now been in for 14 years (hairdressing) and he seemed to quite like the idea of the business ‘we’ would have, he has spoken of the desire to own a home since day one and overtime the idea of business ownership got further and further away so I let it drift and home ownership come first. About a year ago my childhood home sold and I was gifted enough for a house deposit which I feel forever grateful for, I now hold over 3/4 of the deposit about we have collectively but even with that our repayments could have us in a chokehold.
He can be quite pessimistic about issues around the rental house we are in wether it’s something somewhat broken or just inconvenient despite it being pretty nice and roomy for two (four bedrooms) and I’ve mentioned the reality of that happening on a whole new scale once a home is owned and for someone willing to settle on what is affordable just to be in the market it does make me worry. He works in HR and the big car, marriage and house ownership seem to hold such status value for each person to the level where walking past a rude retail worker had him remind me he makes 3 times their wage so I almost braced myself for him to want to jump on the thought of owning half of my business the same way he did when I upgraded cars that he likes to say is ours despite one of us holding a license.
Anyway I digress
In the past couple of months the owner of the hair salon I manage has approached me about buying her small business as she’s fallen out of love with it and I fear missing this opportunity when I know if we buy a house there will be no way I could ever afford to buy a business nor be in the position to do so where I already work and am the highest earning employee with a consistent client base.
After bringing it up his first direction to take was highlighting the risk of it ruining our chance to own a house and that we’d just continue to pay someone else’s mortgage as it gets further away, I do understand the risk and said I’d want to see detailed figures of ins and outs before even deciding as well as doing some extra study to cover myself before jumping into something like this and that I want to have a start up conversation with a mortgage broker to see where we currently stand as well to see if that’s even achievable but it circled back to just not owning a house and him seeming put off and now Im given silence.
The thing is, I would have understood the need to look further into things and not pick either-or yet but would have just liked to feel supported or like I was believed in. Or it be spoken about like a team but I feel like I’ve crushed the dreams he started to see get closer
Am I just trying to pick the more selfish option here?
NTA. You should look at all the figures for both options. I would suggest seeing a financial advisor (ideally by yourself) before talking to a mortgage advisor. For what it’s worth, I think owning your own business sounds like a better option than home ownership with this man.
I’m a bit concerned about what appears to be entitlement on his part.
You don’t know what’s in the future; I think that owning your own business may be a good business move. Is there someone in your life that knows you that is trustworthy that might be able to weigh in? What would they say?
NTA.
NTA, you’re allowed to follow your plans and goals as well. Seems to me he’s latching onto “we/us” when it benefits him only and takes partial ownership for things he has no hand in. Him wanting to keep op with the Jones’s is his things that he should be able to find himself if he wants to do that.
NTA. You have different priorities. So far he has managed to get you to abandon yours and solely do things his way. He won’t budge, so if you want your business, you might have to end things with your (concerningly controlling) guy.
NTA, from your description your partner looks like a walking red flag, I’d take this opportunity to seriously assess the relationship and what your life will look like in the future with this man.
Pretty simple to me.
Do you want children? If yes, get a house and not a business that will take all of your time forever.
If you dint want children, go for the business.
BTA, both selfish and self centered of what you want. Break up now before you do anything. Also business LLC then doesn’t affect you as much personally when it’s time for a house mortgage cause a small business loan is under the business
NTA
First, don’t go into a partnership in business. It rarely works out well.
Second, don’t buy a house with someone you’re not married to. If you sell he gets half even if you put more* money into it. If you break up for whatever reason, you’re stuck living with your ex. Or just as bad, with him owning half* the house and not being able to do things you want to do with it.
Third, owning a house is more expensive than renting. You have to fix and repair everything, there is no landlord to call.
Fourth, if you guys do get married eventually, you might consider a prenup to protect your assets and investments. He obviously has certain status objectives that matter to him more than they might to you.
NTA. This is not your husband so be careful mingling finances together especially house and business. And especially if your putting your money down. Also being a employee and owing a business is 2 separate things..take classes on how to run a business 1st.
You SO wants to keep up with the Jones. Thats a bad train of thought
Your partner is problematic and assholematic (SILENT TREATMENT IS NOT OKAY). Honestly it sounds like you have different values and goals and priorities. Do what YOU want to do with YOUR money.
NTA
WE should be doing nothing. You are asking for trouble getting into financial entanglements with someone you are not married to. YOU can do what you want with YOUR money. But it doesn’t sound like you can afford a house, nor do you grasp the realities of owning a business.
Tell him to take his hand out of your pocket and start YOUR business. It’s not his money.
ESH. He isn’t wrong for wanting more housing stability, you aren’t wrong for wanting money gifted to you to fund your dream of a business you own.
If you don’t have any business experience you should definitely get an education or otherwise learn about the business side of things before buying one. Skills in what the business does don’t necessarily transfer into running a successful business. You need to be able to do the business side of things as well as be a good hairdresser, and unless you’re willing to put in extra hours for the business owner side of things or employ someone to take up the hours you can’t be a hairdresser while you do the business side of things it won’t work.
Itt sounds like in the year since you got money you haven’t done anything tk learn about the business side of things, it’s just recently since you got the opportunity to buy the business you work at that you took business ownership seriously. That would concern me, to be honest. If you always wanted to be a business owner you have had a year to learn the business side of things; buying then learning isn’t ideal. But it is your money so you don’t need t share it with your partner to buy a house. If you do, there’s options to each own a percentage and not own jointly. Do thaf.
Anyway, if I were your partner I would be concerned that you were throwing away money on buying a business you can’t run and if I were you I’d want my dream of having my own business. Hairdressing salons get sold; I would recommend you get the running a business education and in the meantime keep your money in a savings account that pays interest. Once you know you can run the business side of things you can buy a salon with your money and then continue equally to buying a home with your partner.
NTA, but if you buy the business (which has the potential to make you money, a house does not) do not put his name anywhere on it. He acts like he’s entitled to what you appear to have inherited from the sale of your childhood home. He wants to use that to buy a house with his name on the deed so he can screw you out of it if you break up? Nope! Don’t do it boo boo! Don’t do it!