My (16f) bsf, let’s call her Taylor (15f), is extremely close to my ex girlfriend, Haylee (16f). I want to clarify they were not close while me and Haylee were dating, in fact Taylor didn’t necessarily like her because of the way she treated me. Me and Haylee broke up about 4 months ago and dated for a month and a half (both of our first relationships with a girl) for context. Me and Haylee stayed friends afterwards (to my dismay but I agreed anyways bc I didn’t want to hurt her). We were friends for about 2 months and abt two weeks before we went no contact Taylor and Haylee started working together, but they still weren’t close just casual friends. I then found out that Haylee was dating a new girl who she had done some questionable stuff with when we were dating but I thought nothing of it because I thought it was platonic. Anyways I told her that I can’t be friends with her anymore because I knew I wasn’t over her and I knew that it was a bad decision to keep being friends with her. And at this point Taylor was completely on my side. I then started to post petty reposts and stuff on my insta abt Haylee (which I know is like super weird and I’ve since apologized and stopped). But Taylor got on me abt that pretty hard. At this point Taylor and Haylee started to become better friends but then it started to get to a point where Taylor was texting her all that time while we were hanging out, bringing her around me, and talking abt her to me. I then told her that I was uncomfortable that they were so close and set my boundaries that I didn’t want her bringing her around me or talking abt her to me or anything. But she continued to do it anyways, which is where I brought it up again and she got upset and told me that I should be over it and to stop bringing this up because it’s causing unnecessary drama. I will admit I did get defensive bc I belive that your best friend should never be that close to your ex. But I never at a point told her that I don’t want them to be friends at all. So she told me not to bring it up again. But a week later I was really upset and feeling really left out and Ik shouldnt have but I called her to tell her that I felt really left out and she got really upset that I brought it up again. And she then just stopped talking to me and then we had a conversation later where I gave her a really sincere apology and she said she wanted a break from our friendship. She then started to post petty reposts about me and took all of her posts down with me in them and posted a new post with her and Haylee. Then she blocked me. I know that I didn’t do everything right but I really don’t think I deserved this. I would just like to hear some feedback and opinions.
NAH just your friendship ran its course and this is how it had to end. It always feels like theres a fault with these things but trust me young one when I say it’s just drifting here and there and subsequently finding new friends!
I think at the end of that day this situation was never going to end with us staying friends
Look, I was in a similar situation in university, and it’s a total mess to deal with. I had a friend who actually went on dates with someone I was involved with, and when I finally confronted her, she tried to tell me I was just overreacting.
I eventually pulled away, and even though she came back later on her own, the spark was gone. We spent a couple of nights together, but I realized I couldn’t get past the mental images of her with that other person. Once that trust is broken and you start picturing them with someone else, the relationship never really feels the same.
Taylor blocking you and posting your ex is a clear sign she’s choosing the new drama over your long-term friendship. It’s better to just disappear and protect your own peace. If she values a new connection more than her loyalty to you, she isn’t someone you can rely on anyway.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Thanks for your input.
Can’t read something when it’s written like this.
Also shows me you’re too young to talk about anybody being an ass.
your best friend sucks, she’s unkind, and she betrayed you. you didn’t do anything to “Deserve” being betrayed, and Taylor is probably jealous of you and maybe wants Haylee or wants to hurt you b/c she wants to be like you. I had something like this \[hterosexual though\] happen to me in HS with my “best friend” and it was b/c she wanted the guy I had a crush on but she was just also jealous of me and like got off of being a mean person.
I do feel a bit betrayed but I don’t think that she meant to hurt me. I think she saw me as being an asshole and I saw her as being an asshole in this situation.
yta you didn’t shut the door. you had no boundaries. we all learn. be well
Boundaries are not “you can’t hang out with ex girlfriend”
Boundaries are your reaction to the actions of others. You tell your friend, “I have decided to not be friends with people that are friends with my ex.” That puts the onus on yourself, because you can only control *yourself* and *your actions*.
Execute your boundary and stop expecting your friend to do it for you.
YTA
I think it’s more a learning moment. In no way am I intending to belittle your feelings, but in the grand scheme of things 1.5 months will seem like nothing in no time. It sucks that they established a friendship after the fact, but maybe they have a lot in common etc, obviously you care for both of them so you can understand where they’re coming from. You’re very young, and being honest about what you’re feeling is important, but being *intense* and intrusive about it will push people away. I don’t think you (or your friend) are an asshole, but everyone played their part in where this ended up.
I have definitely learned that I shouldn’t be so intense with telling people my feelings. I was way too emotional when I was talking to her and not in the right headspace.
You don’t get to set other people’s boundaries. You don’t get to tell people who they can and can’t talk to. You do not get to control other people.
You can set a boundary for yourself and chose not to be friends with people who are friends with your ex but that’s it.
NTA You are still learning how people relate to each other, give it time and you’ll get better at it. When you break up with someone, figure out how YOU want to proceed and then follow that path. Don’t make the mistake of making choices that are best for your ex, your ex can look out for themselves. And friendships can and do end. Just because you are best friends with someone today doesn’t mean you’ll be friends with them tomorrow. Conversely, someone you don’t like today might become a good friend in the future, nothing is set in stone. Adapt to change, don’t fight it.