IATA. I work in a small company, 6 employees. My birthday is two days appart from one of my coworker, who is also now my good friend since we have been working there for almost 4 years. Every birthday we make sur every body gets something thought-full and all contribute. Everyone is ok participating as long as its not to expensive, but I always think that it is better to spend the same amount for everybody. And since we are celebrating my coworker/friend’s birthday and mine at the same time I feel like it should be the same amount. I usually say something about it, how equity is important and this time directly asked if our presents were more or less the same amount. When asked about it they said they got me something small but that it was the intention that counted and that I would be very happy with my present. And if I wanted my present to be the same amount, I shouldn’t spend so much money on my friend/coworker’s gift (his present is 35€ and everyone agreed to participate). My other coworkers were aware of both present and they helped me choose my friend’s gift. To add context I have particular tastes which actually makes gift giving pretty easy, I moved in a new apartment and am decorating, and because it might be relevant I have a dog which I love very much and is I big part of my life (as anyone with a dog would tell you). We went celebrating the birthdays yesterday evening with the whole team. Time for present. My friend was very happy with his so I was happy. But as I opened my gift and realized what it was I couldn’t contain myself and said: “what is this thing…”. It was the most hideous thing I ever saw: a dog garland, very poorly painted dogs on thin cupboard put in a garland. And I seriously was so surprised and disappointed by this that I couldn’t fake liking it. I didn’t openly said I didn’t like it but kept repeating it was a “dog garland” and that they obviously knew me well quite ironically and angrily to be honest. I quickly moved on to another subject because I felt I was being disrespectful (and also I knew I could cry easily). Later in the evening they said my reaction was not appropriate. They tried to justify choosing it because they didn’t know what to get me and that they saw this in the plant store next door and really thought I would like it. I didn’t want to make them feel bad about the gift and tried to reassure them. I showed the garland to a bunch of people to try and get different opinions. They all say it is hideous and that it wasn’t a nice attention. But I don’t know what to think. Is it normal to let this affect me so much? Am I the asshole for reacting this way?
Nta. I would personally stop working together with them on gifts if that’s how they’re going to do it.
YTA what is with all of the tacky responses to presents? No-one gives a toss about the birthdays of co-workers unless they are good friends. Have some class, say thank you with a smile and try to be an adult. No-one owes you a present even if you get them one.
YTA. You’re an adult. This is not an appropriate response to receiving a gift you don’t like. Their intent was good, and perhaps you’re harder to shop for than you’d like to think you are. You aren’t owed a gift from anyone, especially coworkers. Gifts won’t always be equal in value. You have awfully high expectations and seem very entitled, hyper-sensitive, and ungrateful. If this were a gift from a boyfriend, close family member, or best friend, I could understand being hurt that they don’t know your tastes better. But these are work colleagues. However close you fancy yourself to be to these people, they are not intimate friends or romantic partners. Let it go. Your reaction is indeed inappropriate and I feel secondhand embarrassment on your behalf.
Exactly what I was thinking. I was cringing so much on OP’s behalf. I’m betting next year they go to cards, at least for OP.
YTA – no one should ever complain about a gift. The only adult response is “thank you”.
For the next year, don’t contribute as much to others and don’t be the one shopping for gifts. Perhaps, you could all go to lunch or dinner and split the cost of the birthday girl/boy.
Do a cake once a month with that month’s birthday names on it
The end
YTA
It’s not uncommon to receive a gift that you don’t like. The polite thing to do is be a grown up and just say thank you.
I mean, I would just stop participating. I don’t know why this happened, but I feel like you are much more attached to the outcome than is healthy given the way it seems your coworkers are. I have been similarly disappointed in a Secret Santa in an office when the gift showed absolutely no thought into who I am as a person. Save the money and choose something for yourself on your birthday. This is not ever going to make you feel good and is likely sucking joy from others who are not good at it.
Y’all are ridiculous. This is a place of business, not a dorm. ESH.
NTA for feeling disappointed.
YTA for verbalizing it.
Grown ups know how to hide their feelings.
YTA for dictating the entire gift-giving process to coworkers.
YTA. We all get gifts we don’t love from time to time. It’s rarely acceptable to diss some else’s thoughts for you. You don’t have to put it up or use it. It didn’t cost you money. I think you would have been upset if they got you nothing too so at least they did try. Adults don’t get the luxury of loving our every gift. I didn’t even get that when I was a child. Learning to say thank you for the thought is truly important.
YTA. Would you prefer a perfect present or your co-workers to like you? This is soooo tacky.