My bf (34M) and me (31F) are going on a trip to Vegas. This wasn’t always the plan. My boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go on a mini vacation since he was going to have two days off consecutively, I agreed. We initially were going to plan on where to go together.
He briefly mentioned going to Vegas and said that his girl best friend lives out. She had mentioned us visiting her because she would like to meet me. Let’s call her Jessica for privacy reasons.
The other night when me and my boyfriend were heading out the door to go somewhere he told me he was going to go for a smoke and call Jessica really quick because she wanted to talk. I said okay. To me this felt a little weird that he didn’t just want to call her in front of me but maybe that’s just me.
When he came back I mentioned that I found it a little weird but he said she was crying and he didn’t want me to hear her. I found this reasoning weird too because he didn’t mention that she was having a hard time when he said he was going to call her. He could’ve wanted to keep that private but he still told me anyways so why not tell me at the beginning.
Later that night I bring up our vacation he says that he wants to go to Vegas. He said that we can do our own thing in the morning and see Jessica for the evening the first night. Then have the second day all to ourselves. He said that he would like to see her because she’s going through something.
I said okay to going but I’m feeling just off about it. He has mentioned Jessica is a pick me girl and has also mentioned that she is very self absorbed. I just have a feeling that when we see her, the trip is going to end up being about her and her struggles. Then I’m going to be awkwardly be there while my boyfriend comforts her. Or I’m going to be completely excluded and he’ll be just be focused on her.
This is meant to be our first trip together and I’m having a bad feeling about it.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to see his girl best friend on our weekend trip?
NTA, this is supposed to be a vacation, not a therapy session for jessica, if ur bf wants to do that, he shouldn’t be dragging you along for it. Also very sus how he calls her self absorbed and a “pick-me” but insists on being there for her. Either he’s a very fake friend or he’s trying to sneak around to do some extra “comforting.”
This is what my sister said about the extra comforting. She thinks their going to go for alone time while I just awkwardly wait for them to come back.
I don’t think he would cheat on me with her. Only because he has told that he has never seen her in that way and would never see her like that.
But who knows 🤷♀️
>I don’t think he would cheat on me with her. Only because he has told that he has never seen her in that way and would never see her like that.
This is like…textbook cheater plausible deniability.
This is literally the “the one they told you not to worry about” meme.
Ask yourself why he would keep going out of his way to paint her in a bad light to you while calling her a “best friend.”
Idk if YTA but if that’s someone who’s important to your bf, then you should want to know them. Also if your spidey senses are really tingling then you should get ahead of things before they get out of hand.
You’re 31. You really don’t need to deal with this crap. NTA
I would meet with her, you might end up with a new friend.
NTA. I, personally, don’t find the call that off. But that’s probably because I am ok with people generally knowing that I was crying but not ok with people knowing the details, especially if I’ve never met them.
The bigger thing is that he kinda made this choice unilaterally and you’re right to not want to be excluded from your own trip. Plus, he can’t expect you to want to meet someone when he’s painted her in a less than favorable light.
NTA trust your gut.
This is your first trip together, it’s not an opportunity to have a therapy session with Jessica. Your bf also just made a unilateral decision it seems on this while Jessica situation. I’m sorry but his behavior just doesn’t really engender any warm feelings towards Jessica.
NTA
Nothing shouted red flags to me about the call. I talk to my bestie privately when they’re going through something. She wants to meet you. Why not meet her and see what happens. She might be great and you two become fast friends. If it’s off, then you know and can go from there. But right now is sounds more like you just don’t like her and are pouting about it. But if you feel strongly negative about her, then break up and find someone else.
If I were you I would agree to visit her but have a deep discussion about this. I’d make it clear that you’d like to meet her, but that this trip is mostly important to you because it’s your first time going away together with HIM. You don’t want to wind up spending any of it alone and you want 24 hours of it to be uninterrupted couple time with no spare wheels (maybe even phones off)
Make sure he understands that your mind won’t be changed on this even if Jessica is completely devastated by whatever is going on with her or if you 2 hit it off and get along marvelously when you meet.
You wanted a trip with your boyfriend, and already are compromising on that by allowing him to pick the location without a challenge & giving up your first evening to meet with his friend.
Hopefully he can show that he is able to show up for you like he wants to show up for his friend…
>He has mentioned Jessica is a pick me girl and has also mentioned that she is very self absorbed.
So she’s his “best friend” and this is how he talks about her?
Like there’s no way to spin this that makes your boyfriend a decent person. He’s either saying this to throw you off the scent, he’s willing to trash talk a “friend,” and/or he’s friends with someone he would characterizes as a less than great person.
Do any of these things sound like attributes you want in a boyfriend?
Kind of makes you wonder what he says about you to her, huh?
NTA.
One thing I see often on Reddit is the man talking shit about a woman they tell their partners not to worry about. Then they go and cheat on their partners with the said woman.
He absolutely 1.000 percent wants to fuck her.