I (20F) live in an apartment with a roommate (21F). Overall we get along fine, but she really doesn’t like my younger sister (18F). Me and my sister are very close.
My sister comes over maybe once or twice a week to hang out, watch movies, or sometimes borrow clothes. The problem is my roommate says my sister is “loud and annoying.” My sister does have a big personality, but she’s never broken anything or caused real problems.
A few weeks ago my roommate asked if I could stop inviting my sister over so much because it makes her uncomfortable in the apartment. I told her I’d try to give a heads up when she’s coming but that I’m not going to stop my sister from visiting me.
Last night my sister came over and we were just watching a movie in my room. My roommate texted me from the living room asking why she was here again. I told her it’s my apartment too and my sister is allowed to visit.
Now my roommate says I’m disrespecting her space and not taking her feelings seriously. I think it’s unreasonable to expect me to basically ban my own sister from visiting.
AITA for still letting my sister come over even though my roommate doesn’t like her?
NTA. She’s your sister. Your roommate shouldn’t be making you uninvite your sister.
being loud is also a “real problem”. she doesn’t have to break stuff to be unpleasant
NTA but i would tell your sister to keep her volume down and be respectful of her surroundings.
NTA but you need to get your loud annoying sister in check. No one wants a loud obnoxious person around all the time. I dont believe that she only comes over once or twice a week. I bet she is there almost daily and you are lying about it.
NTA—especially if your sister isn’t even in the common spaces, like when you were watching a movie in *your* room
Info: How would you feel if the situation would be reversed? How loud is your sister? How long does your sister stay?
She accused you of disrespecting *her* space over you watching a movie in your own room? Yeah, NTA, your roommate sounds like she’s got issues she needs to work through.
Probably NTA, but it depends…how often is she there, how loud is she, and does she have a turn it down button?
I’ve known many people I could only handle being arround in small installments and I had to actually work up to being around them for any length of time. Once I got used to them, it usually didn’t bother me to be around them. Maybe your sister is one of them. Does she have this problem when around other people other than your roommate?
Other than being loud, is there any other reason your roommate doesn’t like her? Is she jealous of the time you spend with her? Or did they have some sort of disagreement or falling out? It could just be she just feels like your sister has become a third roommate that she didn’t have any say in getting. Maybe she just feels excluded.
Of you’re keeping your sister in your room away from her and she’s not being loud, then NTA. But you do want to watch how often she visits and if it really is causing trouble. Two people pay rent so you have to compromise. But a good compromise is keeping her from shared spaces.
NTA. That said, sounds like you and sis need to be roomates. I’m wondering if roommate’s annoyed because sis is there more often, you’re in common living areas, etc. I’d also be curious if food is shared, or only bought for yourself, along with other items sister might possibly be using. If roommate is that annoyed, I’d need to know more. Because there’s a possibility that roomie might be valid, and just because she’s your sister and you’re okay with certain things, that doesn’t mean she’s roomie’s sister and should be okay with everything that you are fine with. Again, more info is pertinent.
NTA. Look, I’ve been in these roommate trenches, and here’s a cold hard truth: you’re both right, which is why it feels like such a mess. You have a right to see your sister but your roommate has a right to feel relaxed in the home she pays for. When loud and annoying enters a shared 2-bedroom apartment twice a week, it stops being a visit and start feeling like a third roommate nobody signed up for.
I totally understand that. I will talk to her about it. And get my sister to chill. I don’t want issues with my roommate.
YTA because if part of your justification includes “she’s never broken anything or caused real problems” then thats a really low bar, and makes me wonder exactly what problems she is causing, and well, I would expect not breaking anything from anyone older than a toddler or a a description of a dog.
YTA because it sounds like you didn’t really try to compromise. Yes you are allowed to invite your sister over. But you said you would let your roommate know ahead of time and it doesn’t seem like you did. You also should have talked to your sister about being quieter and also maybe agreed to have her over less often or only have her over on days when the roommate isn’t going to be home.