Hello Am I the asshole for asking my wife to stop fake sleeping. I 21 (M) have been married to my wife 22(F) for about 3 years now. And our relationship is amazing I have little to no complaints we get along well and she’s funny beautiful and charming. But for the past six months I’ve been waking up every day and see her on her phone she never notices that I am awake but I can very clearly see her scrolling or texting. Normally this isn’t a problem at all but when I get up and make it known that I’m awake as well she hides her phone and acts like she’s asleep only to get confused when I ask about it. I thought it was a joke a first but she genuinely acts like she’s been asleep this has been happening almost every morning. I’ve tried to have serious talks about it but she blows me off so please let me know if I am the asshole and should just ignore it or if there’s something else going on.
You guys got married at 18/19. You are still growing into adults. This sounds like ‘immature conflict avoidance.’ She doesn’t know how to tell you she wants her morning phone time, so she creates this weird charade. But OP, you need to be firm. Tell her: ‘I don’t care if you’re on your phone, but I do care that you’re lying to me. It makes me feel like I can’t trust you.’ If she still blows you off, you have a communication breakdown that needs therapy.
We’ve tried having serious talks where I’ve said I don’t care if she’s on her phone. But she doesn’t seem to understand I’m not trying to be hostile. Either way thank you for the advice I’ll take into consideration
Do it with her. Like if you wake up and notice she’s on her phone, get your phone out too and do some browsing, answer emails or tiktok or whatever. Then go about your day as usual. Maybe catch her eye and giggle about it but you don’t need to say anything. Or if you do say something like ‘love you’. Nothing heavy. Just a gentle acknowledgement that you’re okay with her doing it and there’s no need to make a big deal about it. You could even go and make her a cup of tea or another drink and then go off and do your thing. Not that you have to! It would just be really cute.
But why do you keep bringing it up? If you don’t care then what’s the issue?
It’s more about her getting mad at me ‘waking her up ‘ after the fact not necessarily the actual act itself if that makes sense forgive me post for it not being worded properly this is my first time posting.
I would stop “waking her up.” Even if you know she’s faking it. I do this too on occasion, it’s because I want more “alone” time. I don’t want human interaction right away, but I want to scroll and not have to explain myself. Seeing her go back to sleep the moment she knows you’re up is her signalling to be left alone.
You’re both young it’s possible that she doesn’t have the real answer for you but now that she’s been caught or accused is becoming defensive rather than just saying the reason.
Next time you see it maybe just give her some space and see what happens
This is weird. Tell her it’s ok if she wants a few quiet
Minutes to herself before she’s fully awake – you’re not judging her and you don’t need to engage with her but it’s weird for her to lie about it. Also agree this is not an aita situation, post in aio
lol i do this because hubby questioned me like a kid and I feel judged, so now I hide it.
Yes, I’m a grown as adult, but it’s easier to pretend instead of getting his judgment.
Have an honest convo with her and tell her you don’t care if she’s on her phone, unless you do, in which case she will continue the behavior.
Info
My father does the same, he is awake but will feign sleep. He knows if he stands up before my mother he has to help make breakfast.
If he waits till my mother gets up, he can go to the bathroom and when he is finished washing up he will be greeted by the breakfast my mother prepared alone.
Could there be a reason for your gf to feign sleep?
Your father’s an asshole!
Yes it’s weird but I think she just wants some quiet morning phone time. Is there some reason you want her to stop aside from just acknowledging you’re right? If not then I’d just ignore it. NAH.
I do this and I dont know why, I think sometimes when you live with someone and sleep next to them and see them all the time you dont want to be judged for how much youre on your phone, or I’m ashamed of it or something so I try and sneak it. It’s not cheating, its playing shit games like candy crush or scrolling garabage social media videos. I mostly do it when I cant sleep and if my husband catches me cause I thought he was sleeping, he says “put your phone away and go to bed” and hes saying it with the best intentions but theres a little part of me inside that thinks “no!”
nta but I’ll tell you my story and maybe you can do it too
my husband was like that. on is phone but then pretend to sleep if I came in the room. it was so bizarre to me and I finally just asked him “hey I know this is happening, I dont care that you’re on your phone in the morning, I just wanna understand”
he told me that he just wasn’t ready to get up and assumed if I saw him awake, id want him up and about. I told him I didnt care but the pretend sleeping bothered me. like he was trying to trick me ya know?
he didnt realize it was like that and now when hes half groggy looking at his phone I just leave him be. it really isn’t a big deal but its kinda weird lol
so OP maybe just have an honest conversation with your wife that its weird to pretend sleep but you dont care shes on her phone (unless you do and then idk what to tell you)
Why are y’all getting married at 18 bruh