For context, I have a two upcoming day trips planned to a popular amusement park with two of my college friends. Let’s call them Gina and Lily. We have already gone once a couple months ago, and had a pretty good time. Prior to our trip, over my winter break, I told my ex girlfriend, who I’ll call Fiona (who I am good friends with, no bad blood or feelings), that there was a ticket deal for the amusement park and that she should come visit and come with. She couldn’t make it for the first time, but recently I heard that she’s planning to come with her friend, Carol, for at least one of our next two trips. I told Gina and Lily about this when I heard, a couple weeks ago, and both of them seemed excited too. Today, Gina texted our group chat to say that she doesn’t want to hang out with us at the amusement park if my other friends are there. I was confused, and so was Lily. We tried to get an explanation, but all she said was that it was a boundary and that she didn’t want to be around “exes or bfs” on our trip. And that she would rather walk around alone. She got snarky with me over text when I tried to explain that we could do certain things separately from them. I also tried to explain the nature of my relationship with my Fiona, but she didn’t care. I don’t know what I did wrong here. I don’t want Gina to be by herself all day at the park, but I also don’t want to have to stop hanging out with Carol and Fiona every time I want to see her. For context, Gina has never met Fiona or Carol, but Lily has. Lily tried to vouch for them, but Gina didn’t want to hear it. Am I really the asshole? Should I have done something differently?
EDIT FOR CLARITY:
There were 3 total trips planned. Before any of the trips, I told both Gina and Lily that Fiona might come on one or all of the trips. The first trip was just us three, but Fiona had been invited then, too. She just couldn’t make it. The second trip is not for a couple weeks, and the other one is even further out. None of this is very last minute. Fiona wanting to bring Carol is more of a new thing, however. I thought it might be a plus to have an extra friend of Fiona’s there, so I could focus my attention more equally between my two pairs of friends on the trip, and ensure nobody felt neglected.
The trips are day trips, Lily is the driver, there is no hotel or plane required. My other two friends are planning to drive separately from us. I just want to hang out with everyone while we’re there.
Gina’s into you. NTA.
Came here to say the same.
FUCK
Sometimes the ice cream is just too good to share.
NTA op, but check with Lily incase she had more insight into Gina’s feelings towards you?
This was my first thought.
Your thought visited me too. OP, give us some insight!
Alright I’ll address this here. I am a 21 year old woman, and Gina is 22. I have a fair bit of experience with dating and relationships, and she doesn’t have much. I feel like she looks up to me in this way. She has a date coming up with a guy, though, so I don’t know if she’s into me. I don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but I do have a pretty consistent fwb at the moment that she knows about and hasn’t expressed any outward jealousy over, or at least I haven’t picked up on it. I only met her in about October, and I don’t have any feelings for her. She does seem much more into the friendship than I am, so this being brought up concerns me a bit.
Mild YTA
You planned the trips with Gina and Lily. You should really have asked them if they were ok with you inviting other people before inviting Fiona and Carole. Inviting more people that way changes the “vibe” of the group.
I don’t think you meant to be discourteous to your college friends. I just think you were a bit thoughtless, hence the mild vote. Just be mindful in future, when you want to change details of a trip (which includes adding more people), you should always clear it with the OG you planned with.
Gina & loly were fine with the extra 2 at first. Lilly changed her mind 2 weeks ater
NTA, you told her weeks ago (per your timeline) and now she’s telling you much later that it’s not okay.
Plus, she isn’t giving a lot of details either on why being around someone elses “exes and bfs” is a boundary of hers (that makes no sense to me).
Would not be out of line to think that perhaps Gina wants to be more than just your friend and feels having the ex there would impinge on those feelings?
Changing invitees w.o discussing is always YTA to me. If it’s open invite it’s one thing, but if it’s a closed group outing, it’s really rude not to mention it to the others first. People have many, many, many, many reasons why suddenly meeting other people unexpectedly and being forced into an hours-long interaction with them might be unpleasant.
It takes 15 seconds to ask.
Mild YTA. It’s generally not a good idea to invite additional people to something without checking with the other people first. There are all sorts of valid reasons why a person wouldn’t be up for adding more people to the plan. It doesn’t seem like you meant to be rude, but you did make a misstep. I’d apologize to Gina and work out together how to make it ok.