I’m in high school and have had my license for a year. My friend (call her Mia) also has her license. Yet, I’m always the one driving? She claims her mom doesn’t want her driving far (not even on the highway?) but she’s had her license for five months. Her birthday is coming up and she wants to go to the mall. I don’t really want to go to the mall since we went to the same one 2 weeks before. Half the shops are closed down. Only good thing is the Cheesecake factory. We have another friend coming (has her license) and she OFFERED TO DRIVE. I was completely fine with it yet Mia doesn’t want to because she hasn’t seen her drive long distance? She claims her mom wouldn’t let her or trust her as much as she does with me. I said I’ll drive if they pay for the gas since I’ll be driving 2 hours round trip. I only want $10. But she doesn’t want to help me even though she knows I pay for my own gas. Her parents pay for hers. I’m upset because Mia won’t let our friend drive and she even said her dad offered to drive us! I feel petty but is this a valid reason?
It is customary for the passengers to pay for gas.
Yes a,wise old custom from the 90s, snaps on the petro is a must 😅
NTA – The only thing you might be the AH about is not wanting to go to the mall she wants to go to for her birthday, but you’re not her chauffeur either and gas money is a perfectly reasonable ask.
NTA. Mia is making this weirder and more complicated than it all needs to be.
NTA – You’re not obligated to drive anyone anywhere, especially if you have an older car that’s already high on miles. It’s also customary that the passenger(s) pay gas money unless the driver says otherwise (especially with gas prices these days).
I don’t see a reason why she would need you specifically to drive there, especially since the dad already offered to drive, unless she just doesn’t want any parents around. Regardless, if you don’t want to put the miles on your car/ use up your gas, especially if she’s not going to help pay for gas, then you don’t have to drive her anywhere, don’t let her guilt you into it.
NTA, but she is. In whatever way won’t ruin the friendship, politely tell her that the other friend already offered to drive and you would feel more comfortable if she drives. Or lie and say you got grounded/your car is having trouble/whatever excuse.
Clearly you are all young and a lot young people are bad drivers. But that’s a risk her mom needs to accept if her daughter is going to go out. Otherwise her mom could just drive you all!
NTA. Asking $10 for a two-hour round trip drive is quite reasonable in my opinion, especially if there are other options for getting there and your friend doesn’t want to utilize those. She either pays you if she wants you to drive, or she finds/uses another way to get there. 🤷🏽♀️
NTA: she won’t accept another friend driving, she won’t pitch in for gas, IDGAF if it is her birthday that is AH behavior
Here’s a wonderful opportunity to act like grown ups. Sit down in person and discuss it.
You tell her why you’re frustrated. She needs to communicate her fears around driving……her fear of her own driving and her fear of Mia’s driving. Have her explain her parents’ demands about it and how it affects her.
Brainstorm about what you can all do to improve the situation or if it’s too difficult to deal with and end the friendship(s).
Talking, not texting!
One of my friends was terrified to drive but never admitted it to any of us. We ended up in the same situations that you’re describing. Wish we had handled it differently, but we didn’t know better at the time.
Get a new friend and dump.the deadbeat
NTA. It’d be different if you had offered to take her for her birthday, but that doesn’t seem to be what’s happening. Just because it’s her birthday doesn’t mean she can demand what her gift is. Gas is expensive for a high schooler, I get why you are asking for gas money.
Are you going to the Cheesecake factory for her birthday? If this is a birthday outing then just suck it up and do it her way. If not, let her dad drive because you can’t afford the gas.
And because teenagers driving with friends tend to get distracted and get into accidents. Is it just one friend or several? That makes a difference attention-to-the-road wise. 10 minutes to the mini mart? Ok. 2 hours, each way or round trip is a lot.
NTA* This is not just about driving her for her birthday; it’s about the pattern that has been established that you are the chauffeur.
If her mom has concerns and issues about her daughter or certain friends driving, then mom needs to come up with a solution – driving them herself, paying for Ubers, paying for your gas, hosting a party at her house, figuring out public transit if that’s a valid option, spending more time practicing behind the wheel with her daughter, etc etc. But making it your responsibility is not it.
That being said*
Some of this on you to break the pattern though, especially because it is bothering you. Asking for gas money is a good start, but you’ve got to decide what is and is not reasonable for you to continue to do.
Also, it IS her birthday. Who cares if you don’t want to go to the mall? It’s what she wants to do. It’s not a terribly unreasonable ask, even if you don’t like it. But if she wants to go to the mall for her bday, she has to figure out how she’s getting there. You could do it as a gift – but since you already bought her gift, so you don’t have to.