I have 1 daughter (10). My aunt has 3 boys (10, 8 and 1.5). They live roughly 5 hours away and I try to make the trip whenever possible (March break, Christmas, summers and most long weekends) so my daughter can spend time with her cousins. For the first year that the youngest boy was born, I was there at least once a month, sometimes more. I babysat constantly so my aunt and uncle could have some baby free date nights and I was happy to do it, I love those boys like they’re my own.
For the last 6 months however, the baby has been in a crazy mom phase. If he is left with anyone other than his mom, he is completely inconsolable. This includes being left alone with his dad. I tried watching him multiple times in the last 6 months but no matter what I do he just screams and runs around the house looking for his mom until he either goes to sleep or his mom returns.
I’m currently visiting for March break. I took the week off work to spend time with the kids, but my aunt and uncle are still working all week. I planned lots of activities for the 3 older kids (rock climbing, swimming, activate, D&D, etc…) but I made it clear I would not be watching the baby and he would need to stay at his daycare during the day. His hatred for anyone other than his mom is just too much for me to juggle while entertaining the 3 older kids. I understand my aunt is exhausted, and she 100% deserves a break, but watching the baby myself would 1) severely limit the activities I could do with / take the older kids to, and 2) would be extremely draining on my own energy and enjoyment of my time off.
My aunt was taken aback when I told her this and she called me selfish and accused me of hating the baby. She went on a rant about how she was counting on me to watch all of them and now she has to fork out the daycare cost. Her household income is roughly triple my own so money is not an issue here, they have more than enough to live a comfortable life of luxury.
I feel bad for excluding the baby. I love him dearly and I wouldn’t think twice about making it work if he wasn’t so inconsolable, but I want to give the older kids a memorable March break and I don’t see that happening with a baby screaming in my ear all day.
So AITA for only babysitting the older kids?
NTA, if a daycare is something she can afford without issue, then it’s not even hurting HER to take it off your plate.
Also, does she ever babysit for you or is this a one-way thing?
She has also babysat for me. She says watching my daughter is like taking a load off her plate because my daughter helps keep the boys in line and stops their arguing. But because of how flexible my work is, I watch the kids a lot more often.
😒 sounds less like your aunt is babysitting your daughter and more like your daughter is babysitting her cousins…
You’re going five hours out of your way to hang with her children. What is wrong with her? She should understand that these are not baby activities. And it will be perfectly fine at its daycare. Tell her she can take it or leave it.
NTA.
Nta. She’s upset you won’t babysit for free? Kids in the severe mom only phase are a handful and you’re right, it takes away from the older kids.
I’d probably tell her you’ll have to cut back on visits for the foreseeable future until the baby gets out of this phase. And stick to it.
Does she reimburse any of your travel costs or pay for all your meals and needs while there? Does she reciprocate the travel you do? Does she come see you and your child?
I applaud you for your commitment to these kids because no freaking way I’d be driving all that distance as often as you and even begin to tolerate her attitude. Cousins can be cousins from a distance.
NTA the older kids need age-appropriate interaction and activities, and they will learn to resent baby “Not The Mama!” if she persists in this kind of tantrums.
NTA You already go over and above with the other two and the age gap makes it hard to plan even if he wasn’t focused on his mom.
Does she give you any breaks?
I’d back off and do things with your child and local friends if your aunt refuses to compromise. Hugs
NTA: you’re doing a favour by watching ANY of the kids on your vacation. if one of the kids is extremely dysregulated and unpleasant to babysit you have every right to peace out on that
NTA
Not that many activities that a baby can do alongside three 10 year olds. Rock climbing and swimming… not going to work with screaming baby in tow. Aunt needs to understand that you’re not saying “never” to spending time with nephew #3… just right now while he’s in his “no one but mama” phase and screaming his head off.
What kind of day care doesn’t require you to pay full time to keep your spot anyway?
Why are you some kind of automatic babysitter for them? Sounds like they’re not paying you? How dare she be so entitled and demanding?
NTA I would not take care of any of her kids, if she is going to speak to you that way.
NTA
Also every daycare I know of charges for th spot not just when kids attend so she should
Be paying anyways
NTA – the difference in care 8-10yos need vs a toddler is so significant. Especially since you communicated it well in advance and she just chose to ignore it