My boyfriend went out with two of his friends a couple days ago. His two friends smoke cigarettes, my boyfriend doesn’t and neither do I. They went on a long car ride to a store they all wanted to go to. I stayed home.
On the drive there, his friends were smoking cigarettes. Knowing his friends, they both essentially chain smoked on the way there and back. They smoke a lot.
He got home and because he was in the car with them, he reeked like smoke. It was disgusting. I asked him to take a shower and told him I’d wash his clothes. He said no, he didn’t need to shower because he showered before he left. I told him he needs a shower because he reeks of smoke and it’s gross. He said he didn’t smell but he clearly did.
After a lot of back and forth and me not letting him in our bedroom or let him touch me, he finally angrily got in the shower and I took his clothes and washed them. He came out smelling good and his clothes were washed and clean that night. All was good!
But he is still mad I “forced” him to shower again when he just showered right before he left. He still thinks he didn’t smell like smoke but he definitely did.
AITA for making him shower after hanging out with his smoker friends?
NTA, I’m going to go out on a limb here and not 100% condemn your boyfriend as he probably didn’t smell it, but you have 100% a right not to have to smell a stink while you sleep or “cuddle”. The fact he showered doesn’t mean he doesn’t stink. I wash my dog, and then if she goes and rolls in crap, it doesn’t matter if I washed her 5 minutes ago, she is nasty again.
He didn’t have to shower, but you don’t have to let him near you either.
NTA, but you should’ve left his clothes stew in the odour so he could see just how bad it permeates once he got up the next morning. (Possibly even just after washing.)
NTA. The smell of smoke is disgusting. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. It’s pretty weird to not take a shower when requested by your partner when there is a legitimate reason.
NTA
I wouldn’t let him in the bed either, then you would be stuck washing all your bedding the next day.
If you had saved his clothes and let him smell them once he was clean he probably would have agreed that you were right, but it is a bummer you would need to do that.
NTA. I have a friend who is a chain smoker. When he comes over he stinks of cigarette smoke. After he leaves I have to burn a Yankee candle for like 2 hours and I’m an ex smoker. It’s nasty.
NTA. If you stink, you stink and it’s completely reasonable to say “sorry, you have to fix that before you come near me” regardless of the source. If someone I might have sex with said I smelled bad I would *immediately* do everything in my power to remedy that.
I wouldn’t have washed his clothes when he got in the shower and then the next day, asked him to smell them and see if he could smell the smoke. If it’s on his clothes, it’s in his hair and on his skin.
I wanted to wash his clothes because I had to wash laundry anyways and could fit it in.
Oddly enough he can smell the smoke on the clothes the next day. He knows it stinks, idk why he was in denial that he smelled bad this time.
NTA.
Yes you smell of smoke after smoking… it sticks to your clothes, but it’s also in your blood and skin and sweat. If it’s in your system, and you sweat, chance that smell comes out.
Maybe you could of handled getting him in the shower better… idk… but yeah, you smoke, you smell of smoke… change and wash if someone you are around doesn’t like the smell on you.
He chose to partake, but it’s also his responsibility to ensure those around him are comfortable…
Edit: okay yes, I misread. He didnt partake, that is my mistake in my ramble. I apologise. I have re-read. Seen what my brain missed now.
He didn’t partake, correct. Sorry.
NTA. My husband goes to a bar that allows smoking near our house sometimes after work. Even if he thinks “it’s not that bad,” he immediately showers when he gets home because he knows I can’t tolerate the smell.
NTA. It’s hard to imagine someone thinking they could spend time in an enclosed space like a car with 2 chain-smokers and not stink of smoke and ashes. No one is that oblivious, are they? Yea, I guess guys generally are. Lol!
Nta. Tell him I can smell him through the screen. And cigarette smoke is so nasty too idk why he’d be mad over showering.
NTA
I’m too Brazilian for this, I’m taking a shower just for reading this.