My husband (41M) and I (35F) and I have been together for 8 years, married for 1.
a few years ago we moved to a city in a warmer climate and with the nicer weather I noticed my husband would walk outside barefoot almost everyday. He then walks around our house, sits on the couch, just goes about his day with feet that are often completely black on the bottom.
We live in a DIRTY city (downtown Los Angeles). There is always trash in the street. There’s often dog poop abandoned on the sidewalk, ocassionally human poop. He oftentimes walks barefoot in the road to get to his car, and the tar really makes his feet black.
We live in a shoes-off house, meaning we take our shoes off when we get home. Its not just comfortable but I like to do it because it cuts down on the germs you carry inside, meaning we dont have to clean the floors as often. But if he walks around barefoot outside, that defeats the purpose of taking our shoes off inside.
For a few years now Ive tried to talk him into wearing shoes outside. from a health perspective, my doctor told me he could get hookworms from walking barefoot. He won’t budge so I gave that up and accepted his weird behavoir.
But I hate how dirty our floors are, my socks turn black just within a couple hours of walking around our house. I tried to convince him to clean his feet off when he comes inside. The best I could get out of him is he has a designated foot brush in the shower, but he only showers once a day (if that) so his feet are often still dirty in our house. He often won’t clean his feet until I see them and complain. To his credit he usually cleans them when I ask, but at the same time, I hate being the dirty feet police and the dirt damage is already done by that time.
Now Ive told him that if he wont clean his feet off, then he will have to mop the floors every Saturday.
He says I am being a controlling AH and a germaphobe. I think the majority of his friends wouldnt put up with this gross behavoir either, Ive been more than reasonable in trying to work with him on this, so he’s been an AH to call my boundaries "controlling." I want clean floors and Ive given him three options to get there.
Yes he has flip flops. And slip-ons. Doesnt matter. He says he wants his feet "to be free"
NTA. The fact that he walks around outside in downtown LA with no shoes on is just disgusting.
technically we are ten minutes outside of DTLA but its still very urban. I put the downtown part because I was afraid people would see LA and think Beverly Hills or some other rich, clean suburban area
Girl even in BH barefoot is nasty.
NTA. He needs to mop *daily*
And clean his feet every time he comes in. Maybe you need foot washing stations at the doors.
NTA but be for real. It’s been 8 years and you expect him to change? Good luck, babe.
dirty feet police AAAAAAAA OMG
NTA. This is absolutely disgusting, what is it so hard about quickly wearing flipflops when going briefly outside. And it’s not like you live in a place fairly clean (as you mentioned LA). I would keep standing my ground. Also how do you put up sharing a bed with him knowing he has dirty feet, and not innocent dirt from inside the house, BUT FROM OUTSIDE? I WOULD NEVER
NTA.
Ewwww 😅 I would do the same. Maybe tell him to do it everyday since he apparently thinks you like cleaning up his nasty feet muck.
NTA. He also would have to wear socks or shower before bed because I would not allow those nasty feet in my bed.
NTA
He needs to mop the floors every day *or* he needs to THOROUGHLY clean his feet whenever he comes in. Whether or not you are there to supervise.
You’re not being controlling. You’re not being a germaphobe. You just want clean floors, and he just likes to track dirt all over your clean floors so you will have to clean it up.
I’m basically sympathetic to going barefoot – I love going barefoot outside – but absolutely, if you’re going to walk around barefoot OUTSIDE, then you clean your feet when you get INSIDE.
This is not a barefoot issue. This is a man being controlling and nasty to you, enjoying his power to disgust you, and trying to gaslight you into pretending you’re the unreasonable one.
Eww. NTA. He brings those gross feet under the sheets and blankets too. Ick.
I don’t know how you do it, that is gnarly.
That is absolutely disgusting.
NTA.
Every Saturday? That’s what you asked for and he’s acting like that’s? He should be doing it daily maybe multiple times a day. He is not okay.
NTA
NOOOOOOOOO barf. dtla barefoot?! WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM. he brings those foot cooties into your bed and all over your sheets!
he needs to be wiping down his feet when he comes through the front door!!
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/shoes-carry-poop-bacteria-into-nyc-buildings-study-finds-180981680/