For context: My mom and I (17F) have been planning a trip to Ireland for the past 2 or so years and finally decided on spring of 2026. It’s a massive bucket list trip for the both of us because we love Ireland.
Well anyways, as we’ve been planning she has taken it upon herself to invite the rest of our family, which I don’t mind (it’s just a lot of people)
The dilemma with this comes from my sister (19F), who is now very passionate about coming with us to Ireland. I don’t have a problem with this because we are very close, but it creates a scheduling issue because she’s in college and I’m in highschool and our spring breaks don’t match up. (Her spring break starts March 16, mine starts April 6)
Here’s the issue:
I am very set on going during my spring break for multiple reasons including:
1. My birthday’s in March (the 19th) and my spring break is in April, meaning i’ll be 18 and will get to enjoy the pubs the whole trip
2. I won’t miss a week of school which could potentially interfere with me graduating
3. I’d prefer not to celebrate my birthday on the trip (my 18th is important to me and my twin bro and I’d like to celebrate it separately)
My sister is suggesting we reschedule the trip to her spring break, which would mean I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the pubs until Thursday (the day before we leave), and I’d miss a week of school. She says that she cannot go on the trip if we schedule it for my spring break because she can’t miss a week of school.
This is confusing to me because she’s in college, and I told her that there a probably work-arounds she could do by communicating with her professors about the week she’s gone. It’s not finals week or anything, she just says that if she misses too many classes she’ll get points off her grade.
I suggested she talk to her professors before declaring she can’t go but she is refusing, saying that “it doesn’t matter they told us that we can’t miss class”.
I think this is ridiculous especially because she’s goes to music school, and i’m assuming certain kids are bound to miss a few days of school for gigs and whatnot.
So I told my mom that I really don’t want to have to give up being 18 in Ireland and that if my sister seriously won’t miss school then she just shouldn’t come on the trip (especially because this was originally a trip that was just going to be me and my mom) and my mom definitely understands where I’m coming from.
My sister, on the other hand, thinks i’m being dramatic and that I can still enjoy Ireland without drinking and if I don’t miss any school days for the rest of the year, in theory, I can skip a week of school and still graduate.
I got very angry at the suggestion and told her to either work it out with her professors or suck it up and miss the trip, which upset her. My mom is still partially on the fence.
AITA here? Should I just give up the 18 thing?
Edit: I do want to point out I’m not encouraging her to miss class for the trip.
NTA This was a trip you and your mom had planned without the sister. Sure it would be nice if the time you were going worked for her to join but it does not. She can’t join the trip so instead she is trying to reschedule it all to fit what she wants and change what is originally planned. Your sister is the one in the wrong here because her schedule doesn’t align with an already planned trip plus she hasn’t even done anything to try to make it work for the dates that are set.
NTA, but I wouldn’t tell your mom you want to have fun in the pubs. Tell her you can’t miss a week of school. And if Mom and Sis thinking missing a week is no big deal, let Sis be the one to miss it.
Big sis missing college will affect her grades. OP will not have her grades affected because of attendance in HS.
NTA because you had this planned before she showed interest, plus you would have to miss school.
So from a logistics perspective:
In Ireland I don’t think carding is a huge thing in regular pubs especially if you are with your parents. Also from my kids (17 and 19) I was told senior 2H is more relaxed and a lot of people take extra time to visit colleges especially after they hear acceptances. Also from my son who is in college, there are professors who have a policy of reducing your grade after a certain number of absences (like 3). It depends on your and her school policies.
Apart from the logistics, it depends on whether this is “your” trip or a family trip. By yours I mean is it a graduation trip specifically for you and did your sister have one of her choosing earlier? If the former then your requests get priority. If it is a family trip, then I would say she has as much say as you. Therefore the schedule should accomodate both if possible…like what is wrong with June?
I don’t get how missing school and it potentially affecting grades (her) is more important for her than for you. Logistically, she can’t come on your planned trip. She needs to go another time. NTA
Because depending on the classes, missing a week of college IS worse for your grade than missing a week of high school.
Depending on the College, missing classes truly reduce your grades.
NTA, because it sounds like this trip was originally just you and your mom. However, I think you have an unrealistic idea of how college classes work. In high school, you can get away with missing a week of classes for a vacation. In college, that really doesn’t fly. And missing one class for a gig – in music school – is going to be very, very different from missing an entire week for a vacation. In fact, even asking her professors about this is likely to reflect badly on her.
Also, just how much are you going to be “enjoying pubs” on a trip with your whole family, realistically? And does it really matter if you wait a week to celebrate your 18th birthday with friends?
Again, your sister wasn’t originally included in the trip, so I still think NTA, but your reasoning about this is flawed. If you don’t care about having your sister come along, and if your mother is okay with excluding her, then plan it for your spring break.
Thanks for your thoughts. Yeah I definitely admit I don’t understand how her professors work- partly because she’s vague about it. She also does have a lot of anxiety about her grades so I do have sympathy for her.
Initially she was relatively ok with missing the trip so I’m not really sure what changed.
As for the pubs, we have family that visited last year and they said that the majority of their time was spent in pubs chatting with locals and they had an absolute blast. I’m not planning on getting wasted or anything, but I feel like part of the Ireland experience is being able to order a pint and chill at the pub. Idk might be just something i’m glorifying in my head a bit.
Thanks for the insight!!!
I’m a college professor. Our classes don’t wait for students, and exceptions usually have to be for unavoidable things like deaths and medical emergencies. And yes, since all the schedules are posted and policies made clear at the start of term, we definitely lose a lot of respect for the students who try to get excused for a vacation. In the adult world “just asking” can have consequences, and she may need her professors’ letter of recommendations to get jobs later. And in music classes, missing a whole week of rehearsals for choir, bands, orchestra, or chamber groups can be an automatic failing grade. If everyone isn’t there for the rehearsal, then the group as a whole cannot succeed. Music ensembles do not mess around about attendance, especially if she’s got scholarships. It is usually a lot easier to get excused for vacations in high school.
However, that being said, if this is supposed to be your trip and your parents still support your reasoning, your NTA for not wanting to reschedule, and older sister is probably going to have to miss the trip. And while that absolutely sucks, she has to figure out her priorities.
NTA – But jeez, go in the summer
INFO: Did your sister get to take a trip when she turned 18? When you started planning this trip with your mom, were other family members asked if they wanted to come?