Context: I work in a vet clinic as one of the doctors and my partner is my nurse.
I had a patient who need a urine sample drawn – which involves sampling directly from the bladder using ultrasonography. This is a safe, simple procedure but can be tricky the first few times one attempts it.
Our colleague, A, just did one earlier in the day under the guidance of one of our other vets. My partner has generally wanted to always try doing said sampling, to which I have given her opportunities in the past before and she has succeeded a couple of times.
When I came in with my patient I was running slightly behind so I wanted to see if the sampling area was free to use (it wasn’t). It was occupied by A and my partner and one of our head nurses.
I made a joke in passing, saying, “hey A how about you do another sample” and I showed my intention to leave, showing i was going to leave her alone to do it. After which I said I was going to do it myself.
After saying said joke I immediately realised I might have upset my partner (which i was correct).
Later on my partner very angrily confronted me saying how could I not have thought about her and how she felt and how I could have passed her over for an opportunity. I apologised for hurting her feelings, saying it was a joke, and I never intended for it to land poorly, and I immediately realised what I did wrong. I also asked her not to get so angry as she was slamming cabinets at work, as it was an honest mistake and I didn’t intend for it to be that deep.
My partner insists I invalidated how she feels, got more upset, asks if I can guarantee to think before I speak next time, to which I realistically said of course I’ll try and I never intended to hurt her in the first place. She mentioned shes allowed to get however upset she wants and that justifies whatever she wants to do. I genuinely don’t know what else to do but I want to know AITA genuinely?
YTA.
You had some knowledge that she was trying to do something about the fact that it’s a tricky procedure and you still chose A? OP, you’re the asshole indefinitely.
You could have been more thoughtful. She has the right to be upset. Why do you call her “my nurse” and others “our nurses”. That sounds easily condescending. Might it be that she is angry because you don’t take her and/or her job seriously?
YTA for making me read that. Say what??
I’m honestly failing to see how what you said, a joke as in “har har since you’ve got it do mine next yea lol jk” could be construed in any way shape or form as insensitive by your gf. I’m sorry but as I’m seeing it, you’re NTA. it was just a light hearted joke between colleagues. And I’m saying that as a woman.
Your gf is allowed to feel how she feels to a situation, but she isnt allowed to throw a day long hissy fit because you jokingly asked another colleague to do your sample too even when you immediately realized she could’ve taken that as a mean prod when as I’m seeing it, it wasn’t a direct jab at her. You immediately apologized though you shouldn’t have to. Do you always defer to her feelings? Feel like your stepping on eggshells? Being conscientious of your partners feelings 100% of the time is all fine and dandy, but catering to them over retrieving a *urine sample* is, imo, taking it too far.
The way she reacted *at work* was unprofessional and immature. Both were busy with what it sounds like other patients. She does not get to fly off the handle over a “well since youre doing one already do mine next lol” joke
I agree, and passing over other colleagues to give his girlfriend the first shot at every procedure would be really problematic. I can’t tell from the post if that’s happening, but OP should be careful to avoid even the appearance of it.
op says in another comment that this is, in fact, what he’s been doing.
NTA you definitely put your foot in your mouth but her reaction is inappropriate. Makes me think there’s something else brewing under the surface.
Yall need to have a conversation
ESH.
You, because that wasn’t really a “joke” — it just sounded like you were offering someone else the chance she cares about, so of course it landed badly. Also, the way you explained it makes it feel like you’re trying to justify it instead of owning it.
Her, because slamming cabinets at work is not an acceptable reaction for a professional adult.
This is why you dont date coworkers or apply to work at the same place as your partner.. esh it was a joke it didnt land maybe you should have thought about how it would make her feel but also slamming cabinets at work over a joke.. not cool
Terrible idea to work so closely with your partner. Very unprofessional of her to slam cabinets at work. It’s a bad look for you.
I don’t really follow. Was the joke in the vain of saying “You can do mine next!” when your neighbour is washing their car?
Sort of, yes.
I don’t get the joke. I also think there’s more going on there than one joke if she’s reacting like that which she shouldn’t be.
Yta