I have been “close” friends with “C” for 5 years. I say “close” because she often distances herself without warning for months. She would rarely respond to texts and when she would it would be blunt replies or something about her. She says it’s because of her ADHD and her depression and I understand. I’ve never once made her feel bad about not wanting to see me or talk to me, but sometimes it hurts when the ones we love don’t want to receive for help when we are offering it. We were super close for the first 3 years; until I started dating my boyfriend.
For the first two years of our friendship, we met a duo of men at the gym; “N” and “K” I knew them through school and my brother, so we all began talking. I fell hard and fast for “N”. N and I started texting and going to the gym together. Long story short, I was stupid and let him lead me on for two whole years, while she was only briefly friends-with-benefits with N’s best friend, “K.”
I cried on C’s shoulder for two years about N. Now, time has passed and I’ve been in a loving and perfectly content relationship for 2 years. I haven’t thought about N and haven’t cared to. Tonight, I had planned a girls night with my 3 friends-C including. C ended up having to stay late for work and didn’t show up. I found out from one of our friends that C was doing all the sexual acts besides actual penetration (to my knowledge) with N this whole past summer.
Am I wrong for almost instantly blocking C? I do not care about N, but I care about how C did not bother to hang out with me once all summer; she was instead going behind my back and sucking off the guy who I cried about to her for two years. I feel wrong for blocking her because I am in a loving relationship and I feel I should not care? She is also in a new relationship with my boyfriend’s best friend. I also feel justified because I would never do something like that to her, or any of my friends.
In all honesty, I am just looking for some validation that I did the right thing.
Nta
NTA, nobody can act like this and stay a friend.
nta i woulda done the same
NTA as I have gotten older, it’s become a lot easier to cut off people that I don’t want in my life. Life is too short. Surround yourself with people you can trust, and everything after that is a plus (meaning if you have the same hobbies, interests, love languages etc.) trust is the most important foundational piece to any relationship, and it’s broken. It isn’t worth the time to discuss in my opinion.
Unless of course you want to hear from this person directly. I would hope this is not a lie to sabotage your friendship. Use your judgement with cases like this.
YTA
If she says she has ADHD this may not be anything special. Having problem answering texts is a well known thing from people with ADHD. If you truly understood as you say you do, then you would not rely on her answering her texts.
If she had a casual relationship with your ex, what’s it to you? Are you not grown up yet? Can’t you hang out as just friends?
Sure she could have told you about seeing N instead of you when you invited her to hang out, but what they are doing while seeing each other is none of your business and your obsession with what positions they have tried is not healthy IMO.
If she’s your friend and you say you are a good friend then you talk to her. You can tell her you feel betrayed or hurt that she choose him over you. But you do not block her like a petulant child. I couldn’t read that she’s done anything with the intention of hurting you.
so a grown woman is sleeping with a guy that her best friend cried about for 2 years isn’t wrong? she can do stuff with him but can’t hangout with her for one day? what logic are you going off of?? jesus.
OP says she is in a healthy relationship for the last 2 years. It shouldn’t matter if her friend is going out with a guy she moved on from. Wanting to cut her off for that just shows she hasn’t moved on and is leading on her current boyfriend.
Not hanging out is a different story, but it’s a matter to talk about first rather than cutting her off straight away.