AITA for not stopping my cousin from telling the truth about our roommates’ affair?
I (18) live with my cousin Riley (20), her brother Sam (18 turning 19), and Riley’s friend Ava (21) while we attend university abroad. Sam has a girlfriend back home, and they’ve been officially together for almost a year. Ava has a fiancé of four years who’s been on a church mission for over a year.
For months, Sam and Ava have been secretly hooking up. They’ve been caught multiple times by me and Riley, and each time they promised it wouldn’t happen again. Then they’d do it again anyway. There was even a pregnancy scare about five months ago.
Their dynamic is extremely touchy and blurred even outside the sex. They lie on each other’s beds, give each other massages, get jealous over each other’s partners, and generally act like they’re in a relationship despite both having commitments elsewhere. Sam is hot and cold with Ava depending on his mood or whether he just talked to his girlfriend. Ava recently asked her fiancé for a break, and I strongly suspect it’s connected to Sam.
Last week, Riley caught them in bed again. About a week later, she came across messages between them planning their next hookup. I only learned about this about an hour before everything blew up. After that, Riley decided she’d had enough and told Sam and Riley’s older brother, and she also informed Ava’s father. I didn’t encourage her to do it, but I also didn’t stop her.
After she told them, Riley and Ava got into a mild altercation because Ava felt exposed. Now the house is tense. Sam actually wants his girlfriend to come next year for school, but Sam and Riley’s older brother doesn’t want her living with us anymore because of all this drama.
I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong for not stopping Riley or for being involved in any way at all, even though I didn’t make the decision to tell the adults. She acted on her own, but I was there and didn’t object.
AITA? If not, who is?
I’ve never been happier to be old. But NTA, not your job to control what Riley does or does not tell people.
No. Sam and Ava are in the wrong. But why didn’t Riley tell Sam’s gf? She deserves to know. I also think it’s a very bold move to tell this kind of things to someones’s dad. Cheaters deserve the worst 😂
NTA this has very little to do with you. Doesn’t sound like it’s your house either. Nothing you can do about it. The dynamic both Sam and Ava are creating is not sustainable and sounds like Riley had it. I don’t understand why you feel you needed to stop it.
You have zero control of any one else’s actions and from the sounds of this mess had nothing to do with any of it anyway. NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Send an anonymous tip to Sam’s GF and Avas Fiancé about their affair
Tell the Bf thats abroad and Sam’s Gf ,they are cheating liars who deserve no sympathy !
NTA
You’re not responsible for the decisions made by a friend, regarding other people. Those peoples decisions sound selfish and crappy though, and I feel bad for their partners.
ESH. Riley should have stayed out of it. Also, telling older brothers and fathers meaning involving even more people who should stay out of it. Ava and Sam both are AHs for cheating on their partners. And you’re an enabler. If you had a problem with what they were doing, tell them. Tell them they’re shit people, who should be more honest with their partners. There are ways of handling things, and no one did their best.
Ironically you’re the least AH of the bunch
NTA. Let them live their lives as they wish . 🙄
NTA but keep your head down and stay out of it. This is IMMEDIATE family business between the siblings and their friend/roommate/secret lover lol. Just chill, lean back and be a fly on the wall.
NTA. There isn’t anything you could have done. You can’t get involved because you could jeopardize your living arrangements.
NTA. You didn’t encourage her to spill, and it’s not your job to hide their messy situation. They kept breaking trust and brought all the drama on themselves, not you. It’s honestly better the truth came out, even if things are tense now. You got caught in the middle, but the choices and fallout aren’t your responsibility
NTA. You didn’t owe them silence about an ongoing affair that was blowing up everyone’s living situation. They lied, cheated, and kept doing it after multiple promises to stop. Riley telling the truth might be messy, but the mess started with Sam and Ava, not you. Actions have consequences, and they’re the only ones who put their partners and everyone in that house in this situation.
If anything, you all stayed quiet longer than most people would have.