AITA for my response to my brother
My (21F) family was hosting a dinner and it was 10 minutes before guests arrive. There was still lots to do and me, my mom, and 3 of my aunts were in the kitchen doing random tasks. My brother (27M) enters and asks whether we have gluten free food for X guest who has an allergy. Everyone knows about this allergy, we are eating traditional food (that we’ve previously served to that guest) and nothings super different. I responded "no we don’t" with some attitude.
My brother freaks, saying what kind of response is that, that’s such a dumb response and what does that mean. At this point, I’m pretty sure I reiterated like obviously we have food and my mom listed glutenfree foods we have. At one point my aunt stepped in and told him to stop speaking to me the way he was. I also told him I’m busy and not to ask dumb questions like that. It was already a chaotic environment and it seemed his intention was to add to that chaos (in a funny way) and I was just not really feeling it. I sort of felt bad but didn’t think too much of it.
After everyone leaves, I’m cleaning up the kitchen, my brother asks if I know my response was dumb. He’s obviously really mad. I’m explaining that it’s not that serious, I’m confused why he’s holding onto a random response. He gets more mad asking why I’m doubling down and not understanding his pov. I see where he’s coming from, but when someone’s yelling and being mean, I don’t care to agree! I said he’s not seeing my pov of him adding to the chaos for no apprent reason and why couldn’t he think of whether we have gluten free food. He was very upset, said he’s not putting up with this attitude and kept yelling. He said I wasn’t really busy, I wanted to be a busy main character, and that I was being spoonfed by everyone around me into thinking I’m doing something. I’ll admit i wasn’t crazy busy, I just was stressed about timing. I also wasn’t the main cooking person so I definitely wasn’t the most stressed.
He’s saying if I was annoyed, I could’ve ignored him, let someone else answer, and just say idk. I’m saying it’s not that srs and i would understand his pov if he understood mine. Aita?
ESH, if you’ve had this same discussion before as it’s a known allergy for a guest who is always there. It is a dumb question, especially if he isn’t involved in actually doing anything to help.
By the same token your response wasn’t necessary as you later admit it wasn’t as chaotic and you were overwhelmed prepping food, so you both just need to make peace. Both your pov’s are skewed
YTA. You’re 21, not a teenager. No need to be snarky.
He’s 27, not a child. No reason he can’t be cooking if he’s so concerned about what food will be provided.
There is ALWAYS a need to be snarky with lazy jerks whose only contribution to dinner is to keep those who are actually working from their job.
NTA, he was looking for a fight. He knew he was an ass. And now he has to naked you feel bad about yourself, so he feels better.
Dumb, unhelpful questions from someone not helping are allowed to be answered with snark.
NTA. Your brother asked a question he already knew the answer to, in the middle of chaos, then flipped out because your tone wasn’t perfect. Adults don’t get to lecture someone for “attitude” while yelling and insulting them. If he wants polite answers, he can ask politely, and definitely not 10 minutes before guests arrive. Sounds like he was looking for drama, not gluten-free food.