32f want to file child support for my 10yr old son from his father. To give context we divorced in 2019 after being together for 10yrs. When I filed all I asked was for him to help with school supplies/clothes and to spend time with him. I grew up in a broken family & wanted him to be there for his kid. Divorced cause of the emotional abuse/isolation he put me through. I moved to live with his family away from mine. He wouldnt put in his own applications. I had to do it for him. He refused to help even with the house. It got to the point I found out he wasnt even fully watching and taking care of our son properly while I was at work. divorce 50/50 even though hes got no legal say medically/school because I HAD PICTURES of his living conditions after I left. Think hoarder,roach, hotel. Visitation at his fathers or my house not his.
Now 6 years later after he promised he would be in our son’s life he rarely sees him. He now has better living conditions in his fiancee’s ex husband’s house. She is also an ex coworker of mine that I vented to about the whole thing! She would relate to me with her ex and she even saw the pictures of the house! Every week my son and I call/text him to figure out if he’s coming. Most of the time hes busy too tired doesn’t have gas doesn’t have money or not enough food. Ive sent food with my son so many times to make sure he eats when he is there. His new fiancee’s kids have something going on or she is sick. He sees him more than 2/3days a month. Anytime in the past 6 years I’ve asked for help with school supplies he can’t gets his mom to do it or gives me hand me downs from his fiance’s kids after they get them new things.
Now to even make things worse now he is trying to become a foster parent for his fiance’s sons girlfriend and siblings! I feel hurt that he puts so much effort into supporting these other kids and then tells me he doesn’t have time or money for his own. So should I file? I know it won’t help the situation he has put himself in but I would love to be able to make my son’s life better. I’m already putting my son back into therapy again after this because he’s taking it a bit hard that his dad is putting in everything he’s got into all these kids that are not even his by blood or marriage.
Yes I know those kids didn’t ask to be put in the system and filing against him will make things harder on them; but coming from someone that lived in the system I know how tough it can be but there are more options that would be better for them then being placed with people that cant even keep their kids fed or inline one of the boys is always in trouble and was on house arrest 2 years ago to be honest I’m tired of the emotional damage he continuously inflicting on my son. I would love to not worry about getting him anything he needs. so would i be an asshole?
NTA. You should have a LONG time ago! And he has NO business fostering children!
I thought the same but the state has placed some kids in his home already so he skipped seeing his son again because of it… just informed me after I posted..
Have you kept documentation of all this? If so, it will make custody/child support go *a lot* more smoothly.
NTA it sounds like you are genuinely just trying to get some sort of help, not going after him in a malicious way. child support exists for a reason. it is sometimes abused by bad people but it doesn’t sound like you’re trying to abuse it, you’re just looking for some rightful help from the father of your child who is not helping enough.
You are a mother first and foremost. Child support is for the child and as a mother it is your responsibility to provide the best start in life to him. If gaining more money legally owed your son, you must do it.
Girl, I did something similar and the dcs worker warned me against it. My kids dad saw them but never helped financially in 4 years. I went to have the support revised and he contested. He ended up having to pay more since he only saw them one day every other week.
He failed what few promises he made. His good intentions towards other people’s kids are not going to feec or clothe the actual child he ignores. File for child support.
All of the other stuff about him doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is that he is the father of your child, and he has a legal obligation to provide support for his child. So file for the support and let the support office figure out how much he owes you. And if you can get back support from when he wasn’t supporting his child, do that also.
Apply for child support. Your child deserves it.
Yup. And im sure CPS would love to know that he is fostering children while neglecting his own.
YTA for not filing sooner.
NTA. You should have filed years ago.
That money is for your son.
File asap.
Honestly, you’ve been tremendously unfair to your son over the years by not collecting support he’s legally entitled to get from his father.
So make up for that as best you can now.
And the fact that your ex-husband may think that he’s essentially gifting your son with attention is partially on you, because you have not enforced basic parental responsibilities on him.
You are NTA for collecting support now but YTA for not collecting it for the past years.