So I (30f) have always been into staying fit and working out, it’s just my hobby. And my husband (31m) was super into that when we got married and when we dated. He was super built which I loved but ever since kids and desk job he has put on a big beer belly.( used to weigh 180 now 250) but here’s the thing, I don’t hate it, I love it. It’s comfy and warm and i like having a lil more to grab on to. Hes still handsome still has really big arms he just has a belly and butt, which I’m into. But basically last night he said he felt bad that he’s heavy and I’m skinny(120 average) basically long story short I told him I’m “into bigger bellies”. Now I realize that sounds mean but I didn’t mean it like that. I was tired. But he got mad and is still hurt so how should I apologize. And AITA
Update: I just told him that I didn’t mean it like that and that whether he wants to keep his dad bod or lose it that I always will find him extremely attractive(true) and I’m sorry. He said he feels better abt how it and that he just felt a little hurt. But he also said he feels a lil more confident now that I expressed my emotions. He’s gonna lose a few pounds but jokingly said he want obliterate it lol. Ty and I’ll give more updates if anything happens.
if he said that to you, how would you feel?
NAH He just sounds like he’s a bit insecure right now, just reassure him in a more complimentary way
i feel like saying “i love your body how it is now – i find you incredibly attractive” is way better than “i like your big belly”
Why even say now… the right thing is just to ignore the change if he’s healthy, say something like “damn your sexy, let’s hit the bedroom”
But mentioning now… to a guy who put 70 pounds on no matter how you mean it he will have doubt in his mind.
My wife says I’m sexy and handsome.
I see a hideous gollum in the mirror, so I work extra hard to be the best husband.
But, I’ll tell you want I don’t tell her, actions speak loudly. I don’t need to tell her coz I know she loves me and I don’t care how sexy she thinks I am or am not because we are a fucking team.
Be a great partner. Do things…ya know… like you like him coz he’s warm, cuddle up on the couch….and if the kids are in bed….
NAH, as it was said with good intention. But, maybe you guys need to chat about why he’s insecure about his body and if he feels he wants to do something about it.
Make sure he knows you love him, and are into him, no matter how he looks.
NTA
He’s insecure about his body so I don’t think there’s a way out of it for you. It’s either “you’re bigger and I like it” \*SHE SAID I WAS FAT\* or “you look great and I don’t notice the difference” \*SHE’S LYING!\* or “I don’t mind how you look” \*SHE DOESN’T EVEN LOOK AT MY BODY ANYMORE\*
You were honest to him. Maybe there are different words that you could have used that wouldn’t have triggered him but he was triggered because of how HE feels about his own body which isn’t your fault at all.
YTA
“I am super attracted to you, always have been, but if you don’t feel good, I’m here to support you.”
You intended well but your worded it poorly. That doesn’t make you an asshole, just someone who articulated your feelings in an accidentally offensive way. It’s a very common mistake in friendly and romantic relationships.
Soft YTA. I know you didn’t mean harm, but you caused harm. If I were you, I’d apologize for my wording. “I love your body because its you. The details don’t really matter much, I was just wording it poorly. I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings about your body. How can I be supportive to you right now?”
It doesn’t sound like she likes his body because it’s him. That is even worse to hear as a fat person.
If he could stop being weird about his gains he could hear that she finds his belly and cakes hot. Instead he just heard “you have a fat belly” but what she said was basically “that belly of yours is hot.”
Soft YTA. Poor choice of words. Could have said you found his dad body attractive instead of big bellies. I doubt you meant any harm from it. But basically telling him he has a big belly after he said he didn’t like his weight is more idiotic than anything
NAH
I am you.
I’m into bellies.
Telling someone you find them attractive isn’t an AH move. But he’s allowed to be self-conscious regardless.
One of my partners has gained some weight over the course of our dating and has a bit of a belly, and I love it. Would I feel self-conscious about it if the rules were reversed? Absolutely, lol.
Your heart was in the right place. “I think you look good” would have likely landed better than what you said, which in his head was acknowledging that he’s fat