I (f23) am a university graduate and live at home with my mother. She owns the house with a mortgage that’s been fully paid off. I pay her rent (around half of the market rate for our area) and do most of the housework. Me and my mother both work a lot, I work in healthcare and work irregular shift patterns and my mum is self-employed and occasionally has to travel for work.
My brother (m31), his wife "Rose" (f31) and their daughter (f6) moved back into our mum’s house on Friday. They got a mortgage on a home but it turned out to have a lot of maintenance issues, the biggest ones being with their toilet and shower not functioning. Also their heating doesn’t work. It’s estimated to take at least a month to fix everything so in the meantime they’re staying here.
Rose came to me and asked if I could take their daughter to school, as her school is a 5 minute drive from the hospital. Normally their neighbour (who has a child the same age) would take her to school but that’s no longer an option. My brother works full-time and his shifts clash with doing this (he starts at 7am) and he and Rose share a car, as she only works one shift a week on Sundays.
I told Rose that I can’t commit to taking my niece to school everyday. She needs to be dropped off at school for 8am, and sometimes I’m doing overnight shifts that don’t finish until 9-10am or I’m doing shifts that start really early in the morning.
Rose got a bit upset and asked why I can’t just explain to my boss that I need to be available for school drop-off. She didn’t wait for an answer and said she knows it’s not that simple but she needs me to help her. In my job, if you start requesting restricted availability, they will give you way less shifts.
I couldnt understand why Rose wouldn’t walk her daughter to school, as it’s a 15 minute walk from our mum’s house to get there, with no hills and plenty of safe crossings. Rose and their daughter don’t have any health conditions that would make this not doable. I asked Rose why she wouldn’t walk her daughter to school and she said that is too far to walk with a young child. I showed her the distance on Google maps (I assumed she wasn’t aware of how close it was) and she reiterated that it was too far.
I said to Rose I think that’s her best option but I cannot take her daughter to school everyday.
Later that day my mum told me that Rose came to her really upset that I refused to help. My mum said she knows I normally work irregular shifts but that it’d be a really nice thing for me to do. I feel like I’m going crazy because when I was a kid I went to the same school and my mum walked me there and back from this house!! I said no and my mum said that’s fine I understand.
Now I’ve got my brother calling me selfish and he said it’s a small ask that even their neighbour could do it and I’m refusing.
Am I really such an asshole???
NTA. It’s HER daughter not yours.
NTA. If your brother is so adamant that shifting your work schedule is such a reasonable request, tell him to change his own. As her dad he should be stepping up. If he can’t change his work schedule to accommodate it, why would you be able to? Who gets to leave early for school drop offs. Your SIL needs to stop being lazy.
Seriously, it’s only for a month. They can walk to school for a month, or Brother can find a friend from work to get a ride from so SIL can have the car, or if Mom has a car they can borrow it just for school driving. They can ask around to friends and family if anyone has a car they can borrow for a month. They need to solve their problem, and not force OP to solve it for them.
Not only is it for just a month BUT it’s a 15 min walk. At 6, kids are beyond capable of walking well beyond 15 mins
Just sayin: We started backpacking when our kid was 3-4 (big enough to carry their own water) and I remember covering 4-6 miles in a day hike ( yes slow but still, at the right pace and with breaks, kid did great)
Brother and SIL need to get their own shit together. NTA
I don’t think it’s the kid who doesn’t want to walk.
>Brother can find a friend from work to get a ride from so SIL can have the car,
SIL can drive him to and from work and keep the car
NTA. Not your child, her parents need to figure it out. The entitlement wow. “ can you please change your schedule and possibly risk your job to take my daughter to school because I’m too lazy!”
Just yuck. Stand your ground, you’re the only sensible person on this scenario
And make sure you hide your car keys, lock your room and not let them know anything about your schedule!
NTA
A 6 years old is perfectly able to walk 15 minutes (I was doing it when I was 4) and that a perfectly good way to have some exercise.
Your SIL is lazy and your niece is not your responsibility!
Your job is YOUR priority.
Her child should be HER priority.
That’s all there is to it.
You are absolutely NTA.
ps> you may need to explain to your mom about getting fewer shifts if you limit your availability…in financial terms.
NTA. By their own logic, the father of the children could shift his schedule to drop off his child. How’s the kid getting home? Walking? 🤣
My brother does school pick-up after work 😭 my niece isn’t being left stranded at school I promise
Rose can drive her husband to work and then she’ll have the car to drive the kid.
But then she’ll have to wake up earlier on her days off and that’s a selfish thing to expect her to do! /s