My wife and I are having our first child very soon, and I’ll be taking two months of paternity leave once she is born (she doesn’t work). My good friend is having a wedding out of state around 6+ weeks after the birth will happen. I think it’s reasonable for me to fly out there for 2.5 days to attend, but my wife is really hurt, and says I would be “abandoning” her and the baby if I left them for that amount of time so close to the birth. We have lots of family support in the area so someone can definitely stay with her for those couple days to make sure she’s not left alone with the baby (her sister already volunteered to do so). I don’t even really want to go that much but I feel obligated to attend an important once in a lifetime event for my friend. AITA?
Your baby is more important than a wedding. Your partner’s mental health is more important than a wedding. a 2.5 month old baby is incredibly demanding and overwhelming. If your partner doesn’t want you to go, don’t go. Do YOU want to look after the baby for days alone when it is that fragile and vulnerable? AND your wife will. be exhausted from breast feeding, she will need EVERY ounce of your support. Leaving her at this time FOR ANY REASON is an asshole thing to do. YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. DON’T LEAVE YOUR WIFE AND NEW BABY TO GO PARTY AT A WEDDING. if your friend is really your friend they will totally understand.
Softly YTA, this is your first child and your wife’s first child. Childbirth is extremely taxing on the body and recovery is different for everyone. I can’t imagine my partner leaving for multiple days shortly after I give birth. I understand the wedding being important, but I think your wife’s feelings should matter more. I also think its important to note that Childbirth is unpredictable and this may not be an easy recovery.
“I will spend 2-3 days partying and drinking while you wake up every 2 hours to feed and take care of our baby alone” is what she is hearing.
Having had an awful birth with my first born that resulted in me having an emergency c section. Then straight into getting up every two hours in the night to breastfeed. At 6 weeks if my husband told me he was jetting off for a few days I would have been bandying about the word “divorce”.
You have no idea how hard having a newborn is. You need to stick by your wife and miss out.
YTA You got two months of paternity leave because your wife and baby need you during that time. If it was meant for vacation or travel, it would be called PTO.
YTA. Your wife has expressed that she doesn’t want you to go. Your wife and baby should be the most important people in the world to you. Therefore it makes no sense that you feel an obligation to a close friend that supercedes your wife’s wishes in this. That’s saying you place your friend above your wife and baby. Is that how you feel?
Yes, YTA if you go. Please stay home with your spouse and child during a time frame when your baby will be very vulnerable, your wife will be exhausted emotionally and physically, and you have the paternity leave to support them. Your friend is having a once in a lifetime event, but if you’ve discussed anything with them, they know about the upcoming birth of your child and how the wedding happens to overlap with those crucial first stages of infancy – your very own once in a lifetime event with your wife and daughter! – and will completely understand.
YTA. Your wife is telling you she needs her partner, and you are not listening.
Have you considered what will happen if it is not a smooth birth? I was 10 days lat by the time I delivered my first and then had a 7 day nicu stay. If my husband had wanted to leave to fly out of state a month after our baby came home when I still couldn’t pick up anything super heavy after a C-section and was being woken up every 2/3 hours still I would not have been happy.
My friend had their baby in nicu for 100 days.
Another friend had postpartum complications and was in and out of the hospital for weeks.
You naturally are assuming everything will be fine but there is always a chance that the baby on your wife will not be fine and need extra care that soon after a due date.
If this person is truly your friend, I would tell them you’re gonna need to wait to RSVP until the last minute and really decide based on how you guys are doing when it’s time to go. If the person is as good of a friend as you think, the risk of having one uneaten plate won’t bother them. I certainly would’ve never minded if a friend was in that situation waiting till the last minute to find out if they could come
You’ve got another once in a lifetime event: your wife having your first child. Focus on that.
YTA
Info when is her 3 day break away?
YTA. First of all you are getting two months of paternity leave. Paternity leave. That means that time off is for you to care for your wife during recovery and to care for your own child, not to jet off out of state for a friend’s wedding solo. Secondly, yta for even posting here. Your heavily pregnant wife has told you how SHE feels about it already. That is what matters, how SHE feels about you going. There may be some women who wouldn’t care, but you aren’t married to them. She cares. She’s communicated very clearly with you and instead of listening, accepting, and respecting that you want to come to the internet hoping people will agree with you so you can justify yourself ignoring your partner’s wants and focusing on your own? AH behavior. Thirdly, it is very nice of her sister to be so willing to help. However, her sister didn’t knock up your wife, you did. Her sister didn’t just become a parent, you did. She didn’t choose her sister as her life partner, she chose you. So step up and be there for her and your baby. Do you really think it is so unreasonable for her to want you there instead of anyone else? As the father of the baby and her partner? You’re also just assuming she won’t have any complications, plenty of women and newborns need additional care after labor and delivery. Come on now. You claim you don’t even want to go, so why make this an issue? Your friend should be reasonable enough to understand you can’t travel so soon after having a baby if that’s your concern. You feel obligated because the wedding is a once in a lifetime event? Unlike what? The birth of your first child? Yeah, that happens on the daily. I’m hoping this thought process is just because you havne’t fully grasped how wildly your life will change after birth.
YTA. I’ve had 2 kids. Both my daughter and DIL are recently postpartum. If your wife supported this, I would say go. The fact that she’s asking you not to is the only thing that should be factored into your decision. I don’t think you truly understand how stressful the first 4-6 months actually are. You have no idea if the birth will go smoothly. Or if your child will be a good eater or sleeper. Many babies have sleep regression at the 6 week mark. It’s nice that she’ll have a lot of support but it really sounds like your the support she wants and needs.
YTA. You’re planning on flying, attending at least one large event, and then flying again to come home and expose your newborn to whatever you might catch right in the middle of cold, flu, and RSV season?