For context, my cousin made a group chat with most of the cousins (ages 14 to 25) about two years ago, and that’s our way of connecting while we’re all in school, work, or living in different countries. He got engaged to his fiancée 9 months ago (his ex-girlfriend’s older sister, but that’s a story for another day), and some of us decided that if he ever added her to the group chat, we would leave. Their whole relationship seemed weird to us, and we didn’t want to be involved with that. All in all, we’ve welcomed her into the family and treated her with respect, because at the end of the day, our cousin is marrying her. Fast forward to now, we were planning a Secret Santa, and he wanted to include her. At first, some of us wanted to keep it cousins only, but we let it go. Then he added her to the cousin’s group chat, something many of us were against. Maybe it’s weird to be against that, but this group chat is so exclusive that we haven’t added any of our other cousins. One of my cousins made a separate group chat without her and named it "Cousins," while I removed his fiancée from the group chat and said, "Sorry, cousins only." He then proceeded to remove himself and text me whether it was necessary to remove her. I told him that I only did what everyone else was thinking. Was I in the wrong?
Edit: there are no other partners/SOs in the group chat. He’s the only one engaged so far. The Secret Santa group chat and cousins-only group chat are two separate group chats. She was removed from the latter. My cousin made a third group chat (titled Cousins) without her, but it was mostly as a clap back
Info: are there other spouses/SO in the group chat? If so, then yes Y T A.
No, there aren’t!
Their whole relationship is weird to you guys and that’s why you don’t really want to add her, isn’t it?
You say it’s another story for another day but I think that’s part of the story here.
NTA It’s a group chat for cousins. I think it’s nice how you all stay in touch. Partners don’t need to be included in everything
You’re not. There’s a time when you have to know your place and it’s not her place to be involved with the cousins gc! You need to know your boundaries. Your cousin is being childish
Why would u still remove her if u had a separate gc without her anyways?? Having a separate gc seems like the easiest solution.
Also, pls clarify what’s ‘weird’ about your cousin and his fiance. I’m assuming it’s bad enough considering you’re not the only one who feels this way but at the same time it’s kinda impossible to judge this without that info. But regardless of whether you’re justified or not, you’re going about it in a way that’s only going to cause more tension. She’s gonna be ‘family’ one day, and this problem isnt going to just go away. You’re eventually going to have to put your foot down or let it go
Js wanna clarify, I’m suggesting pulling a ‘separate gc for one person that’s rarely/never used’ thing. Path of least friction. I’m NOT tryna say u actually ‘have’ to interact with her 😅
He made the separate gc almost as a clap back to him adding her. The relationship is weird cause his ex broke up with him after almost two years together, he started dating her sister a few months later (almost all of us told him that’s weird), and then a few months after, he proposed to her (all happened within a year). It’s hard to ignore this when we see her, so we avoid the topic of their relationship most of the time.
Hmmm ok yea that’s definitely strange….. like wtf. Like I said before (after the fact, I replied to myself lol) I’d js keep a separate gc without her and only use the one with her when necessary. Your cousin will probably not like it but since he doesn’t seem to care that yall r so uncomfortable with her it’s probably the easiest solution rather than trying to convince him otherwise. Good luck to you tho, I’m sorry ur in such a sucky situation
YTA. You had a separate cousins-only chat, you could have all just used that one. You could have talked to him about the chat, just like you did about the Secret Santa, before you passive-aggressively removed her from it. You could have been decent to the woman your beloved cousin is going to marry.
You did none of that. You booted her out without having a conversation with your cousin and now you seem surprised that he‘s unhappy about it? This sounds very much like a high school clique and you don’t want her sitting with you at lunch.
I‘m guessing your issue with her is probably about the strange way they got engaged – but you’re under no obligation to share that. I will say that being mean to your cousin’s fiancée is a guaranteed way to lose your relationship with him….so choose your battles well.
He added her to the cousins-only group chat! Another cousin made the second one as a clap back (knowing no one would actually use it). I’m mostly conflicted because almost everyone felt the same way, but as you point out, he is my cousin