My boyfriend and I just recently closed the gap in a long distance relationship. I’m a 24F who loves smelling good because I grew up with a mother who never taught hygiene or did laundry correctly so I’m super sensitive. My boyfriend 31M, has to be told to wear deodorant (because he says we’re not supposed to wear it 24/7) but he ends up almost immediately smelling like Body Odor after a shower. When he gets home from work he stinks, and I started off calling it out playfully but now like he legit stinks. If I say anything about it he just gets so offended with me. I just want him to smell nice so I can nuzzle up next to him and not be engulfed by B.O. , but he acts like I am so mean for even bringing it to his attention. He’s currently mad at me right now because he got in bed next to me and I told him he stinks. I love him more than anything I just wish he cared more about how he smells, I feel like I shouldn’t be close to gagging when he raises his arms in his sleep or to hug me. Am I the asshole ?? Is there a better way to go about it ?
I’m wondering if he isn’t using soap either correctly or at all?
Dude probably steps under the shower for 2 minutes and calls it a day. No scrub no soap, absolutely appalling behaviour
And just think, he’s been stinking of BO the entire time you were in an LDR and you had no idea. He shouldn’t be smelling like BO immediately after showering either. He’s a grown man, you need to straight up tell him he stinks and needs to do something about it. No more gentle parenting.
Good luck. NTA
When I would come and visit him it wasn’t really an issue, he has just started using a different kind of bar soap, I just wonder if it’s not enough to clean him.
Idk, some products have a bad reaction with people’s natural scent/pheromones so it’s possible he needs to switch up the soap he’s using. But the fact that he’s getting defensive and refusing to wear deoderant tells me this is a basic hygiene issue.
He really should not be getting his feelings hurt over this.
I’m guessing he’s just rinsing quick in the shower and not actually scrubbing his pits with soap.
NTA. I’ve known guys like this, they refuse to use deodorant even when people tell them they reek. I don’t understand it.
“Hey I won’t cuddle with you unless you wear deodorant 24/7” ETA NTA
This would be a deal-breaker for me. It seems he doesn’t even care enough about you to put on deodorant, which takes literally seconds.
Edited to add—would he use a product like Lume body wash or bar soap? That might help.
Poor personal hygiene? You want to live with that for the rest of your life? Be the woman with the smelly husband? Your kids with the smellt dad? No, he needs to address this, and if he doesn’t, you’re just not compatible. NTA
I just spoke with him about it and he proceeded to tell me within the same discussion that I needed to stop leaving the kitchen cabinets open when I cook. Mind you, I’m sick with the flu and still cooked dinner. I’m scared some people in this sub are correct at this point. Just sucks I moved so far to be with him.
damn, i ain’t tellin you how to live your life but you should probably get out that situation
You are only 24 and this loser is in his thirties acting like this and smelling like shit. You deserve better
NTA, the better way is to dump him and be with a guy your own age that actually wears deodorant. Why do you a young 24 have to tell a grown ass 31 man to shower and put deodorant on?? Are you his mommy??