I 38 fm will soon be breaking up with Carl* 34m (not real name). While Carl and I are ending, we share a cat and her name is Shady*. Despite our relationship not working Carl LOVES that cat, and admittedly so Shady loves him back. CURRENTLY Carl and I are living together but im moving in 48 hours. My question is, WIBTA if I left Shady with him? I love her to death and we’ve been through alot but im not sure if i A can take her, and B lonelinees sucks and Carl would take good care of her. I dont want her to think I’m abandoning her but I want her to have a good life and Carl treats her better then he ever treated me.
NTA you are putting your cat first and if Carl is happy to have the cat then kitty stays with Carl and you all end amicably
There are two “people” here you might be an AH to.
Carl and the cat.
If Carl doesn’t want the cat, then you’re an AH to
him for leaving it, dumping your problem on him as you leave. If he does, then you’re just fine, even generous. Basically, the same logic as would apply to a potentially inconvenient possession.
Then there’s the cat. Cats associate more with places than people. But they care about people too. If you’re confident Carl will take good care of the cat, then you’re not being an AH to the cat.
NAH
YWNBTA – If Carl loves her, she would be more comfortable staying in the home she’s used to. Yes, she will miss you – but she would miss Carl too, and it would be even more traumatic for her if she had to adapt to an entirely new life.
If staying with Carl is the best for Shady, and Carl agrees to give her the care and love she deserves, then no, NTA.
The AH thing kind of depends. If you give Carl the choice: leave the cat or not, you are NTA. But if you decide here and now what’s going to happen and Carl doesn’t get a choice in the matter, then you are.
NAH. I get your impulse to just leave her, but you do need to have a conversation about her first. Tell him you’ve noticed he and Shady get along very well so you’re thinking it’s best for Shady to stay with him. What does he think? Make clear if he’s not able/willing to care for her you’re more than happy to take her. You just want to do what’s best for her.
Kudos on putting your feelings aside and looking at what you think is best for Shady. You’re a responsible pet owner and Shady has been lucky to have you.
Nta when you are not sure, don’t move the cat. He loves it and it loves him.