I (20F), offered to babysit my 1 year old niece at my older brother’s home. Both her parents have full-time jobs and only have the weekends available for their child. My SIL, wanted to hire a babysitter so I decided to offer my services to them since it’s my niece and I honestly can’t imagine the stress on that kid not being around familiar faces plus the money my brother would need to pay for the sitter full-time as my SIL won’t allow herself to pay for the sitter since it’s my brother’s "responsibility", "since it is his child" as she says. Mind you this is her and my brother’s biological child. My brother and his wife earns a little more than 20,000 Philippine pesos a month. When she heard my offer, she was hesitant at first but knowing it would cut cost, she agreed.
After a week of babysitting my lovely niece, my brother was very grateful and couldn’t stand the thought of not repaying me. I refused since the whole purpose of me babysitting was for him to be able to use the money for other things, but he wanted to anyway. He says "you might need it for your school expenses or maybe for travel expenses". My SIL, upon hearing this got upset saying how they need it more than I do which was what I kept pointing out to my brother. She said "your kid still needs diapers, you can go help them after your kid no longer has needs for YOU to fill". Her saying those words makes it seem like it’s my brother’s responsibility alone and it’s unfair. Yes, it’s usually the father’s role to provide but knowing they earn only that much, couldn’t she have thought to split? My brother pays for everything in that household plus SIL’s parents also live with them.
Hearing her say it’s my brother’s responsibility, I calmly asked her "don’t you guys share the expenses around this place? Considering his salary alone, you wouldn’t survive". She got upset and told me to mind my business and that I was a greedy and disgusting person for using my niece to ask for money from my brother knowing that he has a family to provide for.
So, I went ballistic. I told her I offered to babysit my niece because I wanted to help them because raising kids is hard especially if you can’t be around all the time for the child and because it’s MY niece. She’s the first niece I have. I wouldn’t put a price on being with her, watching her grow up and helping them nurture her. I told her I’m enraged she could even think that I was after money, knowing I helped pay for her medical bills and food when she was in labor using my saved up money under my parent’s name which was supposed to be for my college tuition.
I then added, "I really hope you enjoy your vacation, spa trips, and brand new stuff knowing your kid is at home alone and your husband is miserable." It’s probably wrong, I don’t know but I got so upset it slipped out. My brother is upset at me for saying that and they cut contact. AITA?
NTA. Sounds like SiL is quite happy to take and not give.
NTA. Reducing contact is a good idea, because the person you think of as your brother is now his wife’s boy (as his being upset demonstrates), and she is not pleasant.
yta don’t interfere, demand school money back immediately. your SIL will sink her own boat. be well
NTA. Sadly sounds like a lot of issues between brother and SIL. Hopefully with space they can resolve them and brother can come back to you
Took the words right out of my mouth.
And get rid of the in laws to live alone
YTA. While I can understand where you’re coming from, she was right. Their finances and how they pay for things in their home and marriage IS none of your business. You owe both of them an apology.
Op paid his sister in law’s medical bills, where I come from if you take money from others then you don’t spend it on leisure and pleasure, if you accept money from others you have to be prepared to have to account for how you use it.
YTA. This was absolutely none of your business. You stuck your nose in where it didn’t belong, forcing your opinions on someone else’s marriage… don’t be surprised when they tell you their opinions on your behavior.
YTA. That last part seems out of line. It’s not your place to lecture her or get involved in their business regarding finances. However, there is fault on the SIL too. Just like you willingly paid for her medical expenses, your brother has the right to decide what he wants to do with his money as well. If the SIL wants this to be the way then get back all of the money you lent for medical bills back from her, not your brother.
YTA Other people’s marriages don’t always operate in ways which we would have ours operate. This does not give you the right to interject with your opinions, let alone go ‘ballistic’ at them.
I’m not surprised they have cut you off. They managed before you, and they will manage now that you’re out of their lives.