For context, my mother recently got a new boyfriend. He’s a genuinely good guy, me and my sister just don’t really get along with him.Important to know is that I am mentally not very stable and he has migrane and lives an hour and a half away, so it makes meeting more difficult for them.
Now. Without asking any of us, she just decided that he comes over every two weeks for the weekend. The problem is that my sister and I are very introverted and have a big problem with people coming to our house to the point where neither of us leave our room.
We beared with it at first, until he came over and stayed from Sunday to Monday night. My sister and I are still in school and can’t get ready if there is someone else in the house, resulting in us not being able to attend school properly and staying at home.
I asked her straight up if she could please not make that repeat. The weekends for our cooldown time is important enough, but our monday morning is essential. But she said that they both liked it better that way and that we have to deal with it, since she’s paying the bills.
My sister and I argued that it is absolutely not okay with us and we live here as well. She also gets mad at us to the point of yelling when we don’t attend school.
She said that she still hopes we’ll get to like him in the future and I straight up told her that I am never going to like someone who interefers with my quiet time on weekends without even considering me and my well-being. She looked quite upset about that.
So, am I the asshole?
EDIT: I get it and hoenstly, I understand. I am never getting anywhere if I don’t work on these issues. This might not be like the right place to ask, but does anyone know how to get better with these sorts of things? I don’t want to be an asshole and I want to be more comfortable with him.
>My sister and I are still in school and can’t get ready if there is someone else in the house
Why?
> resulting in us not being able to attend school properly and staying at home.
You sound…special.
>But she said that they both liked it better that way and that we have to deal with it, since she’s paying the bills.
Can’t argue with her on that point. It’s her house, and she’s paying the bills.
YTA
>My sister and I are still in school and can’t get ready if there is someone else in the house, resulting in us not being able to attend school properly and staying at home.
That’s completely absurd.
Your mother has her boyfriend visit **twice** a month. That’s more than acceptable.
YTA
YTA. You and your sister need to learn coping skills. It sounds like your mother has allowed you to get away with certain things for far too long. She should not have to put a hold on her happiness because you all won’t adjust to someone else being in the house. You can’t use your mental issues to hold your mom’s life hostage. You need to be responsible for how you react to things.
YTA.
It is your mother’s house. She does not need to ask for or get your approval for anything.
You may live there, but it sounds like you do not pay rent so you have no say in anything that occurs in the house unless you are in overt danger from anyone staying there, which does not seem to be the case.
If you are so uncomfortable with the situation as it is now, you should certainly make arrangements to leave so that you can fully manage your own “well-being.”
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YTA. Your mom is allowed to have a life, and a love life. Rather than telling her she can’t have her bf to stay, try working with her to find quiet spaces for you. Maybe rearrange some rooms to make another TV room or something. But ultimately while it is your home, you don’t get to tell your mom how to run the household.
You may not be the asshole, but you’re gonna find out you can’t have things your way 100% of the time, especially if you’re staying in someone else’s house, working someone else’s business, etc. Your introversion is just that – yours, and it’s something you need to deal with. If you can’t get ready cuz your mom’s boyfriend, who you said is nice enough, is merely around, then you have an extraordinarily tough life ahead of you. You’re gonna have to do things that make you uncomfortable sometimes.
Yta why does it matter if he’s there for you getting ready for school? That has no bearing on you being able to get ready for school properly. He’s only there twice a month and your mom pays all the bills.
YTA. You and your sister need to work out your mental health issues, not enable yourself to sink further into them. You’re being unreasonable.
YTA.
For starters, there is absolutely no reason that you “can’t” get ready for school if there is another person in the house. Unless her boyfriend is commandeering the bathroom for the entire morning, there is no excuse for you & your sister not being able to follow your normal morning routines in order to get ready and get out for school.
Secondly, you & your sister are children living in your mother’s home. She doesn’t need to ask your permission to have her boyfriend come over. As much as I HATE saying it – her house, her rules. If/when you have your own home then you can decide who is or isn’t allowed to visit.
Finally, how exactly does him being there “interfere with your quiet time” on the 2 weekends a month that he visits? If you need quiet time and/or space, you can spend time in your room.
It sounds like you’re mother’s boyfriend is becoming an important part of her life. You say that he’s a good guy and don’t give any reasons as to why you dislike him aside from the fact that “you’re introverted” and “have a big problem with people coming over to the house”. You and your sister really should try harder to get to know him because it doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere anytime soon.
Time to grow the hell up young lady!!!!
YTA!!
how can you not get ready for school if someone else is in the house? you can’t go to the bathrooms or go to your rooms? and how does he stop you from going to school what
YTA. How old are you? This is not normal:
>My sister and I are still in school and can’t get ready if there is someone else in the house, resulting in us not being able to attend school properly and staying at home.
Introverted doesn’t mean that you can’t even put on your pants and walk outside of your house when someone else is in the home. It sounds like you’re just making up excuses for ditching class while also using them to manipulate your mother into ending her relationship. I don’t even know why she’s negotiating with you on this. If he’s a genuinely good guy, then there’s no reason for you and your sister to behave this way.
You need to accept that the world doesn’t bend itself to your will 100% of the time, and if you want to be successful in life, you need to develop the skill of adapting to adversity. No one is born knowing how to overcome obstacles. They develop the skills to do so over time, and you will never develop those skills if you continue to demand that your mother shield you from every single source of discomfort. She’s not going to be around forever, so you need to learn to cope.
YTA, are you telling me that your mom isn’t allowed to be happy? What happens if he moves in permanently? Honestly, I am over the whole “it should be what the kids want BS.” Yes to a certain extent, if the guy isn’t good or he is abusing you, etc, etc. But you said it yourself. He’s a good guy. Maybe get to know him. Work on yourself and by doing that force yourself out of your comfort zone and get to know him as a person. You can’t get along with someone if you lock yourself away in your room and don’t even make an effort.