Hey everyone. I’m really at a loss here because my roommate situation has gotten a little more tense than usual this weekend. I (21F) live with three other girls that go to my college (All 21F). We became very good friends in our sophomore year of college. We are now all seniors and are definitely more focused on our studies than hanging out.
I personally don’t like going out to the bars because Im not one for drinking due to family history. I also don’t join them because one of my roommates in particular (I’ll call her Hannah) tends to get hammered and act crazy when we go out. I’m talking like she regularly gets sent home from parties/bars.
Her recent kick has been stealing from frat houses. My long term bf is in a fraternity and I’m close with all of the guys there, so I don’t really condone this. She always steals something small, like a fridge magnet or a cup from the cabinet. Every time I tell her off and say how I don’t think that’s funny and she shouldn’t disrespect them by stealing their items. On Thursday, she was telling me about how she really wanted to steal something from every frat at our school as a bucket list for senior year. I told her again how against that I was, about how its wrong to steal, how at this point I will be very angry if she does it again. She claims that its fine because "they’re just frat guys" or "I’m not taking anything important"
On Friday I left on a trip with my boyfriend & friends. Friday night, she sent a picture to our roommate group chat of a huge banner that she had taken off the wall of the frat house she went to that night. I said "girl put that back" and she said "whyyyy I’m so excited about this one." I honestly felt mocked at this point so I said "you’re being a dickhead". My other roommate (call her Penny) chimed in, calling me very rude and saying its just a banner. I didn’t say anything for the rest of the night, as I didn’t want to be misconstrued over text.
I came home Monday to hear Penny and Hannah calling me all sorts of names. They didn’t hear me come in, but I overheard so many insults about how Im a bitch and I overreacted and was just defending it because my bf is in a frat. This morning, (Tuesday) I saw the banner on our kitchen table. I folded it and put it in a pile with her stuff in the living room. I just got a text asking me why the f I threw away her property and that she was planning on hanging it up in our living room. I said its in the corner and I would appreciate her not hanging it up. She asked me why and I kind of blew up on her saying I felt disrespected by her doing this after our conversation and that Im tired of her being a dickhead every time she drinks and I dont want a reminder hanging up.
My roommates said I took it too far and she should be able to hang it up but tbh this is just a buildup of things that have been frustrating me. So I have to know if this was a valid crashout or if I am overreacting and I was an asshole to her and should "let her live and party"
NTA: I’d actually go and give it back and get them to say that someone saw her doing it and they traced her back to your place and get them to put get on a blacklist for frat parties
Nta you need to tell the fraternity that she’s stealing from what’s she’s doing so they can whatever measures they find appropriate for themselves
NTA. That’s not cool of her at all and the frats take that stuff seriously.
NTA. Does she have kleptomania? Does she shoplift too?
She is a petty thief and that’s not a cool thing to be.
NTA. Your roommate is a literal criminal. You’re normal for not wanting evidence plastered up where you live.
if it was me I’d let the frat house know where their banner is.
Otherwise if she does hang it up, get your bf to invite one of the people from that frat over and let them see it. Then she will hopefully have some explaining to do.
(all I know about fraternities is what I’ve seen on cheesy tv shows, so this may or may not be good advice)
NTA but you should’ve reported it the first time she did it to the fraternities she stole the items from and to the university.
Do you really need this drama in your senior year?
Your priorities don’t align, but you’re almost done with school, why try to mother a sloppy roommate?
You’re not TA for calling her a dckhead. YWBTA if you escalate from here.
Let her deal with any consequences and ignore the feelings of injustice if there are none. Focus on your own success!
I’d say neither, YNTA cause yes stealing is wrong, I don’t think the klepto-drunk is either, but honestly those kind of antics are so extremely common and are really fun, especially when you start a small war with the frats, I was in a frat and we would have a good back and forth all the time with other frats as well as the ladies who’d give us a run for our money in a fun way. If it was big and expensive things then I’d be heavily against it but since it little items I think it’s funny. It’s not that serious in my opinion.
Is it actually a two sided war or just a one sided bucket list of larceny?
NTA, report her before this affects your standing in the college.
Tell the frat guys to come get their stuff back and maybe take a couple of her things too.
NTA. Tell her to hang the evidence of her kleptomania in her own room. If she hangs it in the living room invite your boyfriend over and see what happens from there. Maybe the word will get back to that frat house.
I would also address how they were talking about you behind your back.