My fiancé and I are thinking about going to this music festival in a few months. We’re planning for it now since tickets go on sale tomorrow. We both really want to go, but money is the issue. Not only are we planning our wedding, but we are going to be renovating soon. As well as I have some debt I keep trying to pay off. I can’t pay it off since things like this keep coming up and we don’t wanna miss out.
Anyways, today in our group chat with our 4 other best friends (who know about my money struggles and us needing to save) we were chatting about renting an RV vs tent camping and I mentioned that I wanted to do whatever was cheapest since we’re a little tight on cash right now. I also mentioned that if that wasn’t an issue, we would do the RV in a heartbeat and I wanted to compare costs.
My fiancé and I were texting separately about all of this and he even agreed with me- even stating this wasn’t even worth it, he’d rather go on a vacation, he doesn’t mind tent camping and we could bring all our own stuff etc. We ended up saying that we would chat more about it later when he got home so we were on the same page. BTW the cost difference with tent camping vs RV would be 400-500$ total.
Our group chat kept popping off about the RV and I sent a text saying “Fiancé and I are going to chat more about it tonight and get back to you guys”. My fiancé then messaged me separately saying “stop fucking telling them about money problems, you’re making us sound poor”. I apologized and said I wouldn’t mention it again. He then proceeds to text in our group chat saying “oh yeah by the way we’re for sure doing the RV, that makes the most sense” and just completely threw me under the bus.
I got super pissed at him because wtf we literally were just chatting about it and he acted like he would have my back. I totally felt like I was the bad guy/the only one not 100% about the RV. It especially sucked because everyone else is like “what why wouldn’t we do the RV?” And are all gung ho about it. He told me that he didn’t want our girl best friend thinking we didn’t want to do it and he sensed she was upset we were on the fence about the RV so he said that… I literally was like so you’re putting her potential feelings over my feelings? I am the one struggling to pay off my debt and trying to be smart.
I’m so annoyed and frustrated with him. AITA for sharing my money problems with my best friends?
It’s not particularly polite to discuss finances with people in general because of the discomfort and pressure it may cause. That said, it also is not impolite to state “This activity/event/item/service doesn’t currently fit into my budget.” This statement does not indicate debt pressure or lack of pay as much as someone who is carefully curating their finances to NOT create a burden for others.
As to if your friends may or may not be upset at your attendance, that is their problem. I can’t imagine having friends who would demand I would put myself in financial debt or insist I do something I am not comfortable attempting or doing. All I look for in a friend is that they are loyal, kind, supportive, and accepting of my limitations when I am giving support.
Your boyfriend needs to grow up and stop trying to manage other people’s emotions. More than that, he should not be putting you at financial risk for the enjoyment of others.
INFO: If you go are you going to be the couple that complains about how expensive everything is the whole time? Because reading your post, you really can’t afford this trip. Beyond the camper/tent – every single item at the music festival will be three times the cost it would be elsewhere. YWBTA if you create an uncomfortable situation around money and how broke you are expecting friends to cover costs for you just to enjoy the experience (food & drinks etc). Only go if you can cover your costs without cheaping out on every item.
I wouldn’t complain while there, and I would never expect or want our friends to help pay. I genuinely have been struggling with cash and this is the only time I’ve ever turned anything like this down. Usually I’m super down- hence why I’m in debt haha. Our friends are offering to help, and I said no absolutely not. I would never want that hanging over our heads.
YTA for talking about your and your fiancé’s personal finances with ANYONE but each other without your fiancé’s agreement. You overshare. Learn to keep things cool.
NTA. Y’all are supposedly close friends, right? I mean saying you’re on a budget doesn’t mean you have money issues. Your money is just being allocated to other things that matter more. Since this is recreational you’re being smart about it all. I don’t like how your bf is throwing you under the bus. Life can’t be about keeping up appearances. I know it’s hard to imagine it now but it really isn’t that big of a deal. Everyone – even the rich – eventually have their downs when it comes to their finances. Go have fun but do it your way. If your friends are leaning towards the RV, let them. That shouldn’t affect your decision to do you.
Important but off topic question – is it Griztronics? Lol
cuz we’re also trying to save money after our wedding and I’m so struggling to decide before pre- sale tomorrow morning
NTA. Totally normal thing to share with your friends when it’s relevant to the situation at hand. You didn’t go into a crazy level of detail, just communicated that you’re trying to save money.
ESH You two need to sit down and sort out your finances before you even think about getting married and you both need to be on the same page about this. Money is one of the leading causes of divorce and not even being able to agree on what to do for something as small as a concert does not bode well.
Agreed… the issue is the festival is far and it would be flights, RV, tickets, camping etc included in that cost. So upwards of 2500-3k total for us to attend
That is definitely too much to spend when you already have debt and other large financial commitments on the horizon! I know it sucks to miss out on these things but unless this is a once in a lifetime bucket list level festival you should definitely be focused on your existing financial goals and obligations and sit this one out.
N T A but you need to stop equating a budget with being poor. ‘It’s not in the budget this year’ boom, problem solved.
You shouldn’t be sharing his info if he is uncomfortable. Yes they’re your besties, but he is your future husband so your loyalty is to him.
Your fiancé seems like a peacock; strutting around worried about what everyone else thinks. The way he committed to overspending for his pride imo is a massive issue.
You two better get on the same page bc if not, I can assure you that your marriage will be a disaster.
ESH