So, my partner and I asked a friend of mine to move in with us because we knew her lease was up at her old place, she had 2 kids (a 1 yr old and a newborn at the time, 2 and 1 yr now) but anyway, we were getting a new apartment and thought it could benefit everyone.
She agreed to pay half the rent, no utilities, and I’d help her with childcare so she could work and not pay ridiculous amounts of money for someone to watch both kids. We just had to work opposite shifts. Sidenote: We got the biggest and most expensive apartment in the complex ONLY because she said she’d pay half and she had 2 kids so we needed the space. We CANNOT afford this place by ourselves.
After a short while, I ended up having to take a LOA from work because I got hurt and broke some bones. She said she’d pay me to watch her kids so she could take on more hours and my partner said that it that was the case, she only need pay 1/3 of the rent instead of half, still no utilities.
The problem is that she’s only ever paid us the whole of her portion of rent maybe 3 times in 10 months. And she only paid me for my time taking care of the kids for maybe a month or two.
On top of that, she has mental health issues and as soon as she moved in, stopped taking her meds and lost her insurance after that so she had no access to her medication. She has explosive manic episodes and takes them out on me. Screaming at me, threatening to take her kids (who I love very much), and just leave. Exact quote "I’ll be packing a box of things for a couple of days and the kids and I will be gone by tonight". That was months ago but it’s always stuck with me.
Well, recently, my partner lost their job and he was the only reason we were able to pay our rent.
We have a plan and we are okay for the next couple months until our lease is up. But we can’t continue to live with someone who cannot pay bills, brings endless streams of drama, and who has outbursts the way she does. We love the kids and I’ve cried and gone back and forth on my decision to not live with her anymore, knowing she has no one she can turn to to live with and her and her kids will likely face homelessness but my partner has confided in me that the stress she’s caused has him mentally going dark places. And I’ve also had similar scary thoughts dealing with everything. And we are destroying our own lives to cater to her because we love her kids and her.
The kids don’t deserve to be put in bad situations but there’s nothing we can do.
So, am I the asshole for not being able to just suck it up until she has the money to find a place?
There is A LOT more to this story but this sub only allows a certain amount of characters.
I love those babies so much but I can’t help them if I can’t take care of myself. My partner and I both feel like monsters because we feel like "How can you let two innocent kids possibly live on the streets or in a car?"
But they aren’t ours and we can’t destroy our lives and relationship for this.
NTA.
To continue in this situation would be the epitome of setting yourselves on fire to keep someone else warm.
NTA. I understand you worry and care about children but you can not afford paying for them and their mother. Also you have to remember about your safety. I know I will sound cruel but.. did you report her outbursts? May help children if you do.
NTA. Never put yourself on fire to keep others warm.
You cannot carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Everyone has their own cross to bear. Admittedly this choice stings more because you are acquainted with those potentially impacted. The only real difference between this person and a homeless person you don’t know is that this person has abused your kindness.
Said another way: every lifeguard learns that they’re useless to help anyone if they get pulled down by the person they’re trying to rescue.
NTA
Don’t risk yourselves for someone who chose to have a horrible future
NTA.
Call CPS for the kids. They most likely won’t take the kids but will provide resources to help mom and kids.
NTA, assuming you’ve spoken to her about the fact that she’s not paying her share.
You can’t set yourselves on fire to keep her warm, no matter how much you like her kids
NTA but you will be the asshole to those children if you leave them in her care. call CPS
NTA. She needs a lot more help then you and your partner can give her. It seems as though she is taking advantage of your friendship. You would be the AH if you tell her last minute though.
Edit: Spelling
NTA, at some point, you have to put your own wellness first. You and your partner need to sit down and tell her your financial situation has drastically changed and, as much as it hurts to not be in the same position to help her as you were a year ago, you just don’t have that ability. At the end of the lease, you and your partner will need to find less expensive housing and want her to know as soon as possible so she can begin looking for a place too.
Don’t be surprised if she tries to negotiate her way into still living with you in your smaller place. Be clear and firm that the roommate situation is over.
Perhaps do a little of the legwork to research programs that help low income families and ensure she has that info. That way, you can walk away knowing you did all you could to help her. But, this is unnecessary for you to do and only an additional kindness.
NTA
This is very much a “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm” situation.
1. She hasn’t been homeless. She was resourceful enough to con you into providing for her. You have no reason to think she won’t quickly find a new target.
2. You can’t afford to support 3 other people. There isn’t another option but moving on with your life.
NTA
The first point is important.
I was in the same position as OP, got a house with friends in order to help them stay in the area to keep their kid in the local school system where he had an IEP.
For all my help, they refused to pay rent even when they had the money, and treated me like shit for the privilege.
Come to find out, they had done the exact same thing in the last 3 places they lived, refusing to pay rent and just screwing over whoever they lived with.
She’ll either find another victim or will have to actually have to live up to her responsibilities herself.
I got halfway through your post; it was enough. I don’t need anymore justification. NTA.
You can’t save her. She has to help herself. She may even be able to get assistance living on her own because, as least in the states, assistance looks at total household income regardless.
You’ve already done her a favor for a year. Consider that.
Also, you and your partner have suffered setbacks. Neither of you are in position to help anyone else at this time. It doesn’t take long before yall are upside-down financially.
Just give her as much notice as possible. I’m sure sees seen this coming anyway. If she acts suprised or indignant, she’s being false and selfish.