Using a throwaway account for this.
I’m [32F] getting married to my fiancé [35M] next summer. We’ve been together since this January, which might seem sudden, but have been living together since Easter, and both know that this is the relationship we want to be in forever.
I am the last of my core friend group to get married, and have (playfully of course) been teased about being the ‘last one standing’ since the second-to-last friend got married last year. That, along with being the youngest sibling and youngest cousin, means that there is no one important in my life who isn’t already married or engaged. When discussing wedding plans originally, and in line with our budget and venue size, we realised quite quickly that we wouldn’t be able to have many, if any, plus +1s.
To me, a +1 is a friend-of-a-friend or unmarried/not engaged partner. From everything I knew about my fiancé’s friends that I’d met, they were all married, and there is one couple engaged to be married next spring. He had often mentioned a friend [33M] who lived at the other end of the country, and his "partner" [29F]. I clarified they were not married or engaged, and so only included the friend on the invite.
What my fiancé failed to tell me in advance was that this couple have been together for 10 years, and will never get married due to some kind of trauma that the girlfriend has from her parents’ marriage growing up. Given the no +1 rule, unfortunately I couldn’t make an exception for this once I was made aware (I was contacted by the wife of my fiancé’s best man to ask why this friend and girlfriend were the only couple to not be invited together, and despite explaining the above, she thinks I could have been more flexible). My fiancé is concerned that his friend won’t attend the wedding (we are close to the RSVP deadline and we haven’t yet had his response), but my own friends don’t see an issue with "no ring, no bring" as a rule, given how expensive weddings can be, especially with guests I don’t really know. I personally just don’t want to make things awkward at my fiancé’s friends’ wedding in the spring, as we have been told this couple will be attending.
YTA. You can make an exception for anyone you choose, since it’s your party.
YTA, they’ve been together for 10 years, that isn’t a +1 that’s their partner, regardless of what paperwork they have or haven’t completed.
YTA. “No ring, no bring” is tacky. If people have partners, invite them. It’s not on you to decide if their relationship is good enough. Host your guests properly and invite their partners *by name*. You don’t need random +1s for those who are truly single.
YTA. Particularly as someone who decided they’d found the one in less than a year?!
THIS!! They get engaged so sheitly after getting together but any long term relationship with no marriage is not worth and invite. What a joke, so hypocritical and dumb. YTA
YTA. They’ve been together for 10 years. As someone who is also getting married, I would 100% invite the partner if they’ve been together for a decade. The “no ring, no bring” rule only really applies if a couple haven’t been together for a long time – not if they aren’t married. That’s a very outdated mindset.
Take for instance the fact people are now having kids before they get married. Does this mean it’s not serious and that only one gets invited?
YTA – I’m sorry, I thought you and your HUSBAND were getting married. Why is everything about you?
“Oh unfortunately I couldn’t make an exception” Fuck out of here. It’s your husbands wedding too and if he’s upset or concerned that his friend can’t or won’t attend then why are you the only one that gets a say in the matter.
Sounds like you and your friend group put far to much value on a ring.
YTA 10000%, especially since it sounds like you’re making all the decisions about the guest list without really caring about what your fiance thinks. All I see in your post is “I” “I” “I”
> Given the no +1 rule, unfortunately I couldn’t make an exception for this once I was made aware (I was contacted by the wife of my fiancé’s best man to ask why this friend and girlfriend were the only couple to not be invited together, and despite explaining the above, she thinks I could have been more flexible). My fiancé is concerned that his friend won’t attend the wedding (we are close to the RSVP deadline and we haven’t yet had his response), but my own friends don’t see an issue with “no ring, no bring” as a rule, given how expensive weddings can be, especially with guests I don’t really know.
invite your fiance’s friend’s partner. definitely YTA if you choose to die on this hill over one extra guest.
maybe at the next wedding in your fiance’s friend circle, they’ll only allow +1s for couples that have been together for multiple years and exclude you!
info: WHY are you unable to make an exception for this? I’m confused.
edit: YTA, as there is clearly no answer to this question that isn’t you’re being an AH
Because devaluing other peoples’ relationships makes her feel better about herself.
Not even married yet and you’re already this controlling over your fiances guest list, worked out so nicely that your side are all already married. Yta, it’s not just your wedding, your fiance gets a say too
YTA, you don’t have to give people in long term relationships +1s, you can instead just address the invite to both people in the couple. Problem solved! Now go and send friend’s long term gf an invite too, ASAP!
What an odd hill to die on. YTA
YTA. “Unfortunately, I couldn’t make an exception.” Why not? You made the rule, you can change it. What you mean is “I didn’t want to make an exception because I value the price of one person’s dinner over my fiancé’s longtime friend.”