I (22F) live with 2 roomates (20F and 28M couple, Jane and Mark) For refrence, I only use 1 of 4 bedrooms in the house. (I dont use common areas at all) I pay 600/2400 rent (25% of the rent) and im on the lease myself, no subleasing.
I have been talking with this guy (24M) since May of this year. Jane and Mark were aware that we’ve been talking.
I had made plans for a small date night, I was going to make dinner then we would have gone to my room to watch a movie. I asked Jane about having this date 2 weeks before it actually happened, and she said it was okay.
I checked in with her again a week before, as I and wanted to make sure they were okay with guests. I checked in with her again 2 days before, then the day of. All of which she responded yes to.
The day comes, and he is scheduled to come over at 630. Jane then texts me this: (Copied directly from texts)
JANE- "My mistake man I wasnt thinking about it, is it alright if he leaves when I go to bed, with being up so early I wasn’t thinking about the new schedule of being up at 3:30 am."
This was my response:
ME- "not this time, we’ve had these plans for over a week now, and with the time we’d barely even have time to eat together. We wont be a bother. I understand you work early and im sorry your schedule changed, but I also have a life and plans that sometimes are not able to cater to your schedule."
She ended up not responding to that message. Instead, Her boyfriend/other roomate Mark texted me. copy/paste texts here, so everyone has a full story:
MARK- "Hey so I am also gonna ask that no one is over at the house when people are trying to sleep, especially considering they have work in the morning. Not only is it a matter of respect but it is also a matter of security. I would ask the same of [JANE REAL NAME] and I would do the same myself."
ME- "the same thing I told [JANE REAL NAME], I understand you guys have schedules to worry about but im not going to cater to them. Ive had these plans and paytons been aware of these plans for over a week now."
MARK-"That is quite selfish of you especially considering her birthday is tomorrow"
ME- "guilt tripping doesnt work on me. I’ll stand firm on the plans that everyone was okay with."
MARK- "Everyone is not okay with it now, and I am very aware guilt tripping does not work because you just do not care"
ME- "well sometimes we have to deal with things were not okay with."
MARK- "We pay almost 4/5th the rent, you do not pay utilities, you do not pay internet. I think we have done more than enough to help you and all we are asking is that people are not over when people are trying to sleep"
ME- "and I understand that, however im not going to change plans due to your guys’ lack of fully thinking before giving me an answer."
My date still came over. And as we were eating dinner, Mark came in to tell him he needed to leave by 8. He obliged, as he said he didnt want to cause problems for me.
AITA here??
NTA and you do not need permission to bring a guest to your house.
I think all of this could’ve been avoided if you were a little polite instead of using words like “cater to your schedule”.
Having said that, it’s your apartment too and you should be allowed to bring people over. It’s not like you’re playing bongos in the middle of the night with your date, how is it going to matter to your roommate!
First off I’d have a chat with the landlord about the issue. Just regarding having people over, it’s not about who pays more rent. She was given multiple opportunities to realize that it won’t work for her schedule. Next up move out because these roommates suck. Normally I’d be say you have to compromise with roommates but they both literally said yes multiple times and then suddenly she changes her mind and triangulates her boyfriend to step in for her. So I’m saying nta but move out ASAP.
oh I wish I could. I went into this living arrangement thinking itd be good, me and “Jane” have been childhood best friends. I paid 1500 out of the 3000 deposit for this place, and I furnished it all. dont even use the common spaces tho because they make it unbearable to be in.
Re-read what you just typed here. All of this is more reason to find a new place.
NAH. Why are you even asking them if it’s okay? You’re a full tenant too, you can bring guests over whenever you want, just like they can.
They can also bring dates
Unless you have a history of bringing over loud people while they’re trying to sleep this is an entirely unreasonable request. NTA
NTA. You did all the ‘right’ things – even asked, instead of just notifying. Jane agreed – multiple times- the commitment was made. While it’s okay for her to realize her mistake, and Ask for an adjustment – at a last minute like that, you had every right to tell her “no” and she should’ve accepted it. Mark butting in was fully AH, since it didn’t involve him, he was just adding bully-like pressure, and trying to leverage a birthday? Yeah, that’s just juvenile. Millions of people manage to sleep in their houses with other people living their own lives in the next room. Jane and Mark need a reality check.
I don’t see how watching a movie in your room would have disturbed them. They are the assholes.
NTA at all.
Your roommates though. Yikes!!!
NTA this is why you don’t live with couples, as if anything isn’t to their liking they outvote you. The security is a load of nonsense, for one they are a couple so it’s not like she’s a vulnerable woman left alone.
No you are not, but Mark certainly is.
Nta, however, they are major AH, what noise, it’s stupid. I think you either talk to the landlord or move, things will not het better.