Me (26), during my life my relationship with my mom has been super close although kinda weird, I always felt like I had to do what she thought was right, because I admired her (for context, she’s a single mother and I’m an only daughter). However her advise has always been on the side of productivity, like, always be doing something, keep yourself busy, hang with people, don’t be alone, things like that. But I feel like I never really developed a personality or was able to choose for myself. Two years ago, I left the country and I went through tough stuff, and again there’s been advise but she always blamed me like in a protective way (you should be doing more kinda thing) and I got super burned out, I’ve made poor financial decisions, and had to come back to my country however during my two years I realized I am a very different person than my mom, I’m strong minded, my beliefs are different and I enjoy my time alone. We live together now, and I was able to get a job super fast back in my country, I’m staring to plan how I’m going to get my life together and I feel positive but my mom keeps coming with the, you should do this or do that, the thing is I learned that I should take advise from people I admire and although I respect my mother a lot for all the strength she’s had and the love and care she’s gave to me, I see her life and I don’t want to be there. So I’m starting to be my own person in front of her and I can tell she doesn’t like to not have that kind of control over me (I even told her, you cannot control me) but I love her I will do everything in my power to make sure she is okay, but I’m fine being alone, she wants me to go out with people, the thing is I want real connections now, and I know she wants me to be happy but I’m in a position where I see hanging out with people I barely know to bars or clubs as a waste of time. I’ll get in courses but give me time I need time, I’m happy alone for now, I don’t need to pretend, I’ve been through stuff and I am just trusting the flow.
Also, my mindset always has been more well Gen Z and from English speaking countries. But I’m from El Salvador her mindset is different and I can see that so much, I don’t feel home when I’m at my country and I need to sort out visas and money before pushing forward my dreams, but I need to do it in my terms I can no longer do it pretending be someone else. Cause like that ended up with me being friends with bad people and being in chaotic places.
I wish she could be softer with me. I’m not a child anymore but I know she still sees me as one.
Maybe she always will, I don’t know.
I also need tons of advice but I don’t know who to get it from, I cannot get advice from people who haven’t lived or experienced similar things as me, and my whole family is so different from me. Or at least that’s how I feel. I hate the victim mindset btw, if this is victimizing just let me know okay well thanks, am I the a$$whole?
NAH
This is exactly how I feel as a daughter, and how your mother feels is exactly how I will feel as a mother to my son.
I think it is really hard for a parent to see their kid grow up and make different choices than the ones you choose for them. It’s also really hard to try to be your own person when your parent has specific advice and expectations.
Stand your ground, be yourself, and don’t give up on your mom. Once she sees you can handle your own life with confidence, she may reduce her interventions.
Thank you sm
NAH. This is life. You have to learn to set her comments aside and not let them challenge what you know is right for you. Unfortunately, you’re not likely to be able to get her to stop telling you how to live your life. The less you have to do with her, the greater your chance of establishing your own life on your own terms.