This is a burner account. This is also my first time using Reddit and I’m not entirely sure about what is and isn’t allowed here so I tried to censor things as best as I could.
My birthday was a few weeks ago. I usually don’t like to make a big deal out of birthdays but they’re very important to my mom so she held a small family gathering at her and my dad’s house to celebrate. I had gotten a few gifts and my husband handed me an envelope. He is a small celebrity and had given me his autograph as a “present”. Everyone was familiar with his humor and our dynamic so they all immediately recognized it as a joke and laughed (he did then give me an actual present in case anyone was wondering). Later, my cousin texted me screenshots of my sister shit talking my husband and saying I was “so obsessed with fame” that I let him treat me like shit. She is going through a divorce right now so instead of immediately getting mad I called my sister to hear her out.
She doubled down saying that if I had any self respect I’d divorce him because he’s abusive. I tried explaining that it was a joke and that we often make playful jabs at each other but we both know the other person’s boundaries and when it’s going too far. She responded by saying I should go back to the psych ward for how delusional I was being and again told me to get a divorce. Rapidly losing my patience, I told her that I appreciate her concern but my marriage is my business and I am very happy with my relationship. She’d run out of insults apparently because she just repeated that I need to be in a psych ward and my husband is abusive. This time adding that I probably only love him because he’s just like my father.
To info-dump a bunch of context, my biological father is a very terrible person who is in jail and not allowed to have any contact with me or my mom.
I have struggled with a multitude of mental illnesses my entire life. When I was 13 I had psychosis and, not knowing what else to do, my parents admitted me to a psych ward. It was the single most traumatizing experience of my life.
All of that to explain why her comments got me so angry and hurt so much. I was used to her telling me to go to a psych ward (it’s the only “good” insult she’s ever come up with so she says it whenever she’s mad at me) but her comparing my husband to a monster and calling that monster my father when our dad has raised me my entire life just sent me over the edge.
I replied by saying “Just because you fucked up your third marriage by being too much of a massive cunt doesn’t mean you get to try and fuck up mine” before hanging up. Initially I didn’t think this was that bad of an insult. I’m fully aware that it was too harsh but we’ve both said worse stuff to each other before.
My sister told pretty much our whole family and while a few are neutral most, including my parents, are furious. I thought that I was just giving back what she dished out but I’m starting to wonder if I really fucked up.
ESH. You and your sister would probably both improve your lives if you don’t have a relationship with each other.
Yeah, she definitely told them a version of the story where she played the “calm and concerned” sister, and you just lashed out at her out of nowhere.
Yeah I’d say perhaps try and set the story straight.
Also, they are all probably used to hearing that vitriol from her, so they mostly ignore it. Definitely a shit stirring drama queen. I’d probably set the parents straight about what really happened and then take a long break from the sister
She definitely told a different story if they’re that mad at you, people like her seek out sympathy for their own crappy actions and try to justify themselves to feel better.
Nta but I would txt your mom what happened before she blows this up more esp with her starting the “abusive husband” train
I’m gonna go with NTA because your sister is a crybully. She’s only mad because she lost the fight.
NTA she sounds bitter
I’m Australian, so use of that word starting with C is completely normal and acceptable. Not in a professional setting but certainly in common speech.
The part about her having three failed marriages was probably so true that she couldn’t handle it. The only way to push back was to be the louder one and share her story first, making you the villain.
It doesn’t mean she’s right. NTA
NTA Some people focus on individual words like they are the worst things, regardless of context, but I think the evil web of mindfuckery your sister said to you to try to make you doubt yourself and your relationship were the truly terrible things said and were worthy of a strong reaction.
That said, in future it might be better to not use words that people can grab on to and use to derail the whole conversation, making the whole thing about the one word you said — with anything they did or said somehow automatically erased because you uttered the one bad word.
NTA. You told her to knock that shit off and she kept pushing. She doesn’t get to cry about how ~upset she is when you clocked her terrible behavior and attitude.
And yeah, she definitely made it seem like she was being reasonable and you lashed out at her out of nowhere. I would make sure that the people who *knew* what your father was like are made aware of what she *actually* said.
The autograph thing isn’t cute or funny, but sister is still a CH for not coming from a place of concern
YTA no paragraphs