My girlfriend has a coworker who keeps making comments and doing things that feel way out of line. He tells her “as a joke” that he wants to take her to Mexico and take care of her, asks if I’m jealous, and even offered to hug her when she was cold. He later showed her a picture of him and his girlfriend and said, “She’s in Mexico, not here,” which made it feel even weirder.
Here’s the part that really gets me:
My girlfriend is being completely honest and telling me everything. She’s not entertaining him. She even tells him he’s not supposed to talk to her like that and rejects him multiple times. And he still keeps doing it.
I’m pissed, but she says she doesn’t want to make it a big drama at work.
I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want some dude repeatedly testing boundaries with her after she clearly said no.
AITA for being angry about this? And what should I even do in this situation? Just support her, say something, or let her handle it?
NTA. Sounds like the time to contact HR.
NTA but it’s time to take action by reporting his behaviour
It’s time to report him to HR with a list of his behaviours.
NTA for your feelings but it’s her job and her coworker and she has to handle it. There’s really nothing you can do unfortunately without seriously undermining her.
NTA, but the one thing you absolutely cannot do is contact anyone at her place of work. Ever. You could potentially destroy her professional reputation. If she has never raised the issue with her employer, you can encourage her to do so. But a random call from an employee’s boyfriend to me as a manager would make me concerned about *you* not my other employee, fairly or unfairly. And if she doesn’t want to raise the issue herself, you have to respect it. It sounds like the guy has been clever enough to have plausible deniability (no late-night inappropriate texts for example). He’ll either stop or do something so over the line that she’ll feel safe in reporting. Support her and do nothing else.
NTA, this is not acceptable behavior at work. It is sexual harassment and he is creating a toxic work environment. Your girlfriend has to stop thinking that she is creating drama at work because he is completely out of line and unprofessional. She needs to be an adult and handle this situation herself. You can be there for her by listening and being supportive. I feel so bad for your girlfriend, no one should have to endure this at work every day.
Are you angry that this guy is making your girlfriend uncomfortable by repeatedly making passes at her? Or are you getting dog with a favorite bone jealous over your girlfriend? Because it sounds like the latter, and that my friend would make YTA. Your girlfriend isn’t a possession you scrap with other men over. Your girlfriend is a thinking, feeling human being. Treating her like an object you get aggressive/angry “defending“ from other men is putting your possessive jealousy center stage, ahead of her feelings about an unpleasant thing that is happening to her.
And making her deal with your anger over a thing she has limited control over is only making her unpleasant situation even worse, because now she’s got to try to de-escalate with you on top of it.
Even if you’re getting angry because your girlfriend is experiencing an uncomfortable situation at work, you’re centering how you feel and making your emotions another situation she has to try to manage, instead of keeping the focus on how she’s feeling and what she needs. Which is a really lousy way to treat your romantic partner who is already dealing with an uncomfortable, frustrating, stressful situation. It sounds like she’s really not getting support for this at work and will have to make a big conflict to get management to deal with the issue (which is a pretty typical experience for a woman being sexually harassed at work). So you adding managing your anger to her plate would be a thoroughly selfish move.
NTA but don’t let your anger get out of control. What you need is knowledge about his motivations.
[https://inspirepearls.com/blogs/relationships/why-do-guys-keep-trying-after-rejection](https://inspirepearls.com/blogs/relationships/why-do-guys-keep-trying-after-rejection)
Get your girlfriend to read it as well.
Your girlfriend isn’t creating the big drama, he is by repeated inappropriate and unwelcome comments. That’s sexual harassment. She needs to report him so it stops. Does she want him doing this for the next 5 years? He won’t stop if she does nothing.
NTA, you’re not overreacting, and this is beyond the point where she should have filed a complaint with hr over his harassment.
She’s been clear about her boundaries, and him ignoring that is harassment. It’s not about drama, it’s about safety and respect, and HR is there for situations like this.
It sounds ghat youre more so upset at a man for hitting on your girlfriend, than being upset that your girlfriend is getting harassed at work.
What you described isnt “typical workplace banter”; and hes 100% taking advantage of the fact that because its her job she doesn’t wanna make a fuss about it and possibly lose her job or ruin her reputation.
Talk to her about it, and specifically about reporting him to hr
I think that’s a bit unfair. he’s upset that her boundaries are being violated (OP specifically said that in the title), whether that’s in the workplace or anything else I think that’s perfectly reasonable.
NTA. But you do nothing except listen to her and encourage her to report it.
NTA but she needs to report that kind of behavior and harassment asap