So a few weeks back me m29 and my best friend James m29 had a conversation where I said in there that I would tell his future wife if he cheated. He questioned me and I pretty much said out of respect for his wife that I would tell her. He scoffed and said a few things to the effect of a bro code like sentence and also mentioned this with a few of our other friends, and they all jokingly said that they think someone would only do that because they want the woman in question.(ridiculous)
Fast-forward a few months later we’re talking on a three-way call with one of our friends Adam 29 about a bachelor trip to Vegas before his wedding. James knowingly started to bring this conversation up by joking with Adam. “You know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? We’re gonna get you the best kind of strippers” then James laughed and said “just playing man. I’m gonna enjoy all those trimmers on your behalf”To which Adam replied, “save some for me”James chuckled. knowing that he was bringing that conversation back up again and said “you hear that Paul?”To which I did not immediately reply I was kind of annoyed at how that was being set up. I continue to stay silent to which James then said to Adam,” you know Paul will tell on you to your girlfriend if you cheat” Adam was surprised and asked me a couple more questions to which I kinda talked it out more and truthfully, I wouldn’t want to just break someone’s relationship up. It’s more so that if that woman in question were to come to me, I would want to tell her.
He also asked me if I would tell my SIL if my brother who I was his best man or to cheat on her honestly that was a tough question for me. Adam said he didn’t feel like it was a tough question for him, but he said he would never tell because it’s not his business, and bros over hoes. He also asked if I would say anything if one of my parents were to cheat. James said he wouldn’t in either case. Adam said the parent situation would definitely have him more torn. I didn’t respond in that scenario. to be honest, one of my parents did she, and they worked through their differences, but that wasn’t a very savory question for me personally. Adam and James both thanked me for being honest about that and said that I had better morals than them. Adam also joked around about saying he needs to be careful around me in Vegas. James laughed at that. personally in that conversation I felt as if there was a shift in Our friendships because of my stance versus theirs. so am I the asshole for telling my friends that I would consider telling their girlfriend/wife if they cheat?
NTA. Get new friends, these guys sound like horrible people. Cheating’s a seriously awful thing to do to someone and it’s absolutely not funny in any way. You should get new friends that dont have the mentality and maturity of emotionally stunted frat boys.
You need new friends. You’re a stand up person and deserve friends who can match your integrity.
I would tell them instantly and stop being friends with the cheater.
Not even in question.
YWNBTA if you told someone their husband cheated on them, even if he is your “bro”. You also wouldn’t be nuking their relationship; it’s probably already rocky if one of them is cheating. You held your stance, they got oddly investigative and made a joke out of your statement. James sounds like a total tool, and I’d keep my distance after all of this. Your morals don’t align, period.
Right now, this is all hypothetical. If it does ever happen, my only suggestion would be to talk to your friend first.
YWNBTA
Only because you have forewarned them. But do not expect to have close relationships going forward, nor expect invites to bachelor parties, nights on the town, etc.
Your friend are trash
These people sound immature tbh.
NTA
You deserve better friends. AH’s like that should be called out more.
NTA.
I’m sure it’d be different if they were cheated on.
NTA, not even a little bit.
NTA I’m not friends with cheaters, if I found out before their partner I would tell them why I’m no longer friends with them, if I found out after I would distance myself and stop being their friend. If you get uninvited from the Bach and anyone asks you, you just tell them you had a disagreement about the title so you guess you’re a liability to what they may have planned.
NTA. Your friends are not good people
NTA
At least now it’s clear. And they thanked you
Maybe it will make them reflect on cheating in general. Maybe not. In any case, your conscience is spotless
NTA. You’re the only real man in the group!