My (19M) girlfriend (18F) of 2 years has been begging to adopt a puppy into our apartment we live in. She’s a huge dog lover especially when it comes to small little puppies and has been talking about how getting a pet as extra company would be nice. She has been slightly hinting the fact she wants a pet, specifically a puppy around the household for the past couple of weeks and only now has she brought up the fact she had recently went to a pet adoption center and saw this one puppy she felt really connected too.
She decided to talk about it with me first about adopting the puppy but I kindly refused and she got mad saying how I was selfish and that I hate dogs, or pets in general. Now I will say I’m not a pet person but that is because I have a serious allergy to pets. I do find them cute but I can’t risk being near any of them. I told her about it and she insists that I’m lying just so she would ‘feel bad’ for me and that it was a cheap excuse. I was bamboozled to think that my own girlfriend of 2 years wouldn’t believe me and think I’m pretending to be allergic to pets.
She adds on saying that if I really was allergic to pets, I would have told her before we started dating but what reason was there to tell her when the conversation was never really brought up about it? After we argued for quite some time, she decided to just give in, supposedly believing my ‘lie’ and said that even if I were to be allergic to pets, it isn’t a ‘big deal’ anyway and I’d probably be fine.
Little does she know, the last time I was around dogs was when I was 11 visiting a friend’s house and their dog was all over me and I got a serious allergic reaction and had to be sent to the hospital. She kept finding ways to convince me by saying she’ll have the puppy in a cage at all times, or have its own area to roam.
AITA for refusing to let my girlfriend adopt a puppy?
EDIT: After reading some of the comments, I realized that it is my fault I didn’t bring up the fact I had a pet allergy to my girlfriend even though I knew she was a huge dog lover. We have talked about it a few times before we were dating, which is to why I never brought it up. When we started dating she doesn’t talk about dogs or pets and only make comments about them if we see them outdoors which is why up until this point, I never told her about my pet allergy. I also didn’t think we would be getting a pet at this point of time as we just moved in together just a few months ago. Only recently, a few weeks ago, has she been talking about dogs again but I didn’t expect her to be planning to adopt one so soon.
INFO: Is this the first time she’s hearing about the allergy?
Also, do you mean a dog allergy, cat allergy etc.?
She’ll “have the puppy in a cage” a lot of the time?
So not only is she an allergy disbeliever, she’s planning on being an animal abuser.
Second this. She doesn’t deserve pets of any kind.
Yes, yikes. And she especially wants puppies. Sure, puppies are extra cute, but for most of a dog’s lifespan it’s a full-grown dog.
ESH. What do you mean “little does she know” – about an apparently hospitalization level allergy? My guy. You know she’s a dog lover, how does that not come up?
Like don’t get me wrong she’s being weird about this but I almost don’t blame her because did you just think someone who loves dogs this much would never want one? Should have been a conversation a long time ago.
But also a puppy in a small apartment is a recipe for disaster. This whole thing is a mess.
So, here’s the problem with moving in together at such a young age: you’ve just discovered you’re massively incompatible (she’s a major dog lover, to the point where she wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone if that meant no pets — as evidenced by “I wish I knew this before we started dating” — and you’re deathly allergic), but now you can’t break up without also figuring out your housing issues.
And you will break up. It’s just a question of whether you break up now that you know you’re incompatible on major issues or later, after you’ve invested a bunch of time and energy in this relationship.
You guys needed to have a lot more conversations about your future before you moved in together.
NTA but you may want to get an allergy test. I thought I was allergic to dogs growing up, but that turned out to be because I was around a lot of outside dogs who brought in a lot of allergens that I was actually allergic too. It’s possible you’re not allergic to dogs and that keeping a well-groomed indoor dog wouldn’t be an issue
That said owning a dog is a huge and potentially expensive commitment, so I would never recommend it without being totally prepared for it financially and mentally. Her wanting to keep it confined in a room or cage all the time sounds abusive
Dude. NTA.
She wants “small puppies?” She’s wanting a puppy but can’t say dog? Sounds like she will permanently want puppies and not a dog.
Also, crates are not meant for permanent staying for dogs. They need care and love and attention.
An animal lover and a person who is severely allergic to animals are not compatible long-term.
“She’ll have the puppy in a cage at all times” Anyone who would even suggest this is NOT a true dog lover but instead is someone who wants a cute stuffed toy to play with. NTA but anyone that callous is not someone I’d want to be around 🚩🚩
ESH. She shouldn’t be pressuring you so much if you are allergic and accusing you of lying. However, you are also the AH since you knew she was a huge dog lover and never disclosed in 2 years that you were allergic.
She is not an animal lover if she thinks keeping a puppy in a cage is ok.
You have an allergy. All that is going to happen is the puppy will be disrupted when you cannot live with it. It will also be older and harder to re-home. This is not in the dog’s best interests.
NTA
“Little does she know, the last time I was around dogs was when I was 11 visiting a friend’s house and their dog was all over me and I got a serious allergic reaction and had to be sent to the hospital.”
INFO: Why wouldn’t you tell her that during this discussion/argument?
She’ll have the puppy in a cage all the time!!? She is only thinking about herself, what a horrible life for a dog