Gonna make this as short as I can. I (m32) have a coworker (F29), let’s call her Annie, who I sit next to. I haven’t been long with the firm, and she even less than that so I’ve been showing her the ropes somewhat, we joke around and we’ve been getting along great. To make things clear, everything is purely platonic, especially since she’s married and I don’t look at her that way.
Yesterday, I was busy with work, but sort of overheard Annie talking to other colleagues about a food item, but I didn’t really hear what the topic was. Later on, she asked me if she should ask our boss about getting him the food item, since she asked everyone else. I said she should, and jokingly added she didn’t ask me. She got startled, and claimed she asked me before she asked anyone else. I said she didn’t, but that it was fine since I didn’t want it anyway. This went on a bit since we’re both stubborn, but then she said she thought I absolutely must have heard her asking others about it, and then again said she asked me first.
Later on break, we were sitting with other colleagues and she basically retold the story, they were laughing and said ‘well, it must be since he is a lawyer and likes things to be precise’. She then joked ‘I’ll be sure to send a written inquiry next time’. I kinda laughed, but really I bit my tongue not to speak further, since I was tired from work and wasn’t looking for further arguing.
Today, I’ve kind of been standoffish towards her. I still talk to her normally, but maybe I’ve been joking and laughing less since I haven’t really gotten over it. She asked me (over Teams) if I was angry over something, so I lied I wasn’t in hopes of getting over it eventually.
My feelings about this is that she gaslighted me over a minor awkwardness instead of just admitting she didn’t ask me or at least saying I didn’t hear her. I feel like she made me feel like a fool for no good reason, and it kind of hurts since I thought we were getting along great mostly up to this.
So I’m asking, AITA over being a bit colder to her after this situation? I know it’s immature of me not to talk to her about it, but I really don’t want to make a sour atmosphere in our workplace over this, and I’m hoping I’ll get over it in a few days.
There’s gaslighting, and then there are face-saving white lies/minor misunderstandings. NAH.
YTA. This literally doesn’t matter. Be an adult and move on and be normal.
YTA. This is such a minor issue. You need to get over it and focus on your work.
YTA I have worked with many attorneys for more than 20 years. I hope you are not indicative of the up and coming attorneys. Who cares!
YTA. Admittedly busy, not listening, kind of overheard…she might have mentioned it to you and you thought she was talking to someone else. You’re acting like she deliberately, maliciously left you out? Even if she forgot to ask you and was also busy after her conversation, she mentioned it to you because she was going to ask your boss.
Now you’re not speaking to her over it? What a weird, small thing to create drama over at work and blow up someone’s day and everyone’s environment, all so you can hold a grudge.
Gaslighting is intentionally making you question reality to manipulate you. This is clearly two people with different perceptions/memories both likely having some truth in them. Yta. If you feel this humiliated and targeted over this… You need to look into some individual therapy and explore why you’re like this and to help you build some resilience.
YTA – My brother in christ it took you longer to write this post than it should have taken you to get over this minor squabble/misunderstanding. She didn’t make you ‘look like a fool” you did by getting pissed off and angry over something so minor. You know what you say when she says “I’ll send a written inquiry next time” You say please do so, i’ll make sure to sign it and get you a copy for your own record keeping.
Maybe she asked, maybe she didn’t, maybe she asked and you didn’t hear, maybe she forgot to ask but thought she did, maybe she meant to ask you but got side tracked. You know what they all have in common? none of it matters. Not even a little bit.
Soft YTA. Making a mountain out of a molehill. Being surly and resentful over this will just lead to toxicity in the workplace and neither of you need that. Just move on.
Thanks, I’m trying not to be a toxic person and get over the small things
First of all it seems a bit unclear who’s actually right and wrong here, but for the sake of argument let’s just assume it’s 100% true that she didn’t ask you about the food order and later claimed she had. Is it worth stewing over for days, throwing around terms like “gaslighting” for dramatic effect, taking the time to make an AITA post, etc.? Not to me, it isn’t. YTA, the correct reaction to an “incident” of this magnitude is nothing, but just file it away. If it turns out to be part of a pattern of dishonesty, then you know to watch out for/around this person.
YTA, this was not gaslighting. You could be wrong or she could be. It’s ridiculous to not let it go.
>I haven’t really gotten over it
gotten over… what?
>she gaslighted me
so you think that it’s more likely that she knew she never asked you and was intentionally trying to convince you that she had? you don’t think, just maybe, she was simply misremembering who she asked, given she asked many people in a short period of time? YTA
Oh Jesus H Christ………..