So I (21ftm) live at home with my dad, about 48 hours ago we went to the electronic store and got me a PC for Christmas because for years i’ve told him i wanted one. My dad is known for taking things from me for the smallest reasons. This morning he wanted me to go to the store with him but he woke me up and so i didn’t want to, i told him i wasn’t going and he said “Come with us or i’m taking the computer.” I mentally prepared for him to say that but I didn’t think it’d be that soon after getting it that he’d try to use against me. At first i was happy about getting it but knowing it’d be used against me I didn’t want it anymore. Later this afternoon he asked me to bring something of his outside and I said i didn’t want to (i have an extreme phobia to wasp so i don’t go outside during the day unless necessary) and for the second time he says “Do it or i’m taking the computer away.” so i walked to my room and unplugged the whole PC and placed it on the living room floor telling him to return it.
So AITA for giving it back because I didn’t want it to be used against me like he does with everything else I own?
Edit: So to clarify things.
1. I live at home with my grandma, my dad went bankrupt and moved in after me so it’s not his roof i’m living under.
2. i have a phobia of wasp because when i was little my sister threw me into a bush full of them and since then i have panic attacks being near them (yes i should probably get therapy for it)
3. my dad isn’t using it as a way to force me to get a job. he’s using it for little things. i didn’t want to bring something outside mid day when he knows about my phobia and has seen me go into multiple panic attacks because of it and because it’s his stuff he wants me to move just because he doesn’t want to leave his chair
4. my dad is also unemployed and sits in his recliner all day on his computer. he has his gf do everything for him from bringing him food because he’s too lazy to get up or chores because he doesn’t do anything around the house besides occasionally help me fold towels which he does from his chair then makes me put them away.
NTA. But, you don’t go outside during the day? Because wasps? What a way to live.
NTA
uses gifts as a show of affection then threatens to withhold that if orders aren’t followed? weird and terrible behaviour.
Your dad shouldn’t be holding a gift over your head like that. But you also dont do a great job as painting yourself as not lazy.
Youre 21 and cant go outside during the day because you’re terrified of wasps? Is your house surrounded by them. No one likes wasps. But they aren’t extremely or even all that common.
Don’t care about anything that was written except “i have an extreme phobia to wasp so i don’t go outside during the day unless necessary”.
Wtf….you don’t need a computer, you need serious help!
Fuck that. You did the right thing. Don’t ever let someone hold something over your head like that. It will never end. You are Not the asshole here.
NTA. Your dad appears to be acting like a controlling a\*\*hole. I would totally ask him to return it. I am so sorry he is doing this. Get some therapy though — you need help to cope with the outside world.
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Phobias can be debilitating. I don’t want to minimize that. But not going outside in November makes it seem like your wasp phobia needs to be addressed. It’s making your life very, very restricted.
You’re kind of an asshole to yourself and everyone around you if you don’t treat this.
Sounds like dad is at the end of his rope and is trying bribery and threats to get OP out of the house.
I mean, imagine being asked to bring your provider something the day after getting a computer, and saying no?
You’re 21. You need to figure out how to be an adults
The threats aren’t cool, though, but I get it.
YTA
NTA – having gifts held over your head is annoying at best, manipulative and demeaning at worst. You haven’t done anything wrong.
But OP, based on your comments in this thread, you need some serious help. Are you in therapy? If not, have you tried looking up therapy near you? What’s your insurance situation like? A phobia that prevents you from leaving the house or working at all is a very serious issue.
Sounds like it’s time to move out. Your dad is manipulative.
NTA
NTA, returning the computer if he’s going to use it to blackmail you constantly is the right call.
You need to see a therapist about the wasp thing though. I have a debilitating phobia they get worse without treatment.
As someone who lives in the South, I have to ask – are you doing anything to address the phobia? Because, like… Your dad’s an asshole but you refusing to go outside in **November** when it’s starting to get too cold for wasps to do much is a bit ridiculous.
EDIT: After reading OP’s comments, my ruling is now ESH. Dad sucks for being a manipulative asshole, OP sucks for the learned helplessness and selective assholery when it comes to dad asking stuff vs. grandma (whose house they live in).
Omg reading OP comments it’s like rollercoaster. Dad is bad, but OP is still a small kid in body of 21yo, who doesn’t work or go to school. Why they don’t work or educate themselves? Because “nobody showed me how to get a job” and “I want xyz school but I don’t know how to get in”. Bro, do something yourself
I think there might be much more to this story than OP shows us. Maybe dad has enough of a uneducated not working kid who just sits 24/7 in front of PC, and don’t go outside because… wasp exists? Wtf