I (M35) and my wife (F29).
First I have to say, my wife is perfect. She beautiful, hardworking and incredibly sweet. I love my wife so much.
Both of us are hardworking but don’t make much money. When we got engaged, we both wanted to pay for wedding ourselves. I told my wife if we do that, our wedding would be very small and she was fine with it. My wife never cared for expensive things no matter what. She said she only wanted 3 things.
For us to have vows
For her father to walk her down the aisle
And lastly, her wedding dress.
She promised me she will still budget with the dress and she did. She got her dress and tailored for a very good price. For me, my sister gifted me a custom tailored designer suit. Our wedding was a year away.
With the vows, I am not good with words and all and my wife is a professional writer. I know I would sound stupid compared to her so I asked her can we get rid of the vows. She was really upset but eventually agreed.
When 2020 hit, of course COVID and no one could travel. Her entire family lives out of state but all of my family is here. She asked to move the date so her family can travel, but I said no. We planned a year ahead to get married on this date. She got upset because SHE planned everything, budget everything and now she feels unfair that her family won’t be able to see her married. My wife and her father are incredibly close, so she was upset he won’t be there.
When it just a few months away, I noticed I gained a lot of weight. So much so that I cannot fit into my suit anymore; but my wife can fit in her dress just fine. We didn’t have time to get another suit so I had to wear one my wife bought me last year. It’s a nice suit but I was upset that I will be wearing a cheap suit and my wife will be wearing a designer dress. I asked her to change and she said no. She said she worked hard to keep up a diet and exercise to make sure her dress still fits and wanted to wear her dress.
So I made her and offer that we get our pictures professionally taken when I lose the weight so we both look good. And I found her a replacement dress on Amazon for $10 no shipping fee. My wife looked so sad.
Also for budget, we had to cut my wife getting her hair/makeup done. She just wore basic coverup.
When our wedding happened, my family was there but no one on my wife side was there. My wife’s smile looked so sad. she said, "I don’t have my vows, my family and no dress. do you realize I feel alone at my wedding? That I feel ugly at my wedding. I did the planning myself, the budgeting myself and I don’t get a single thing I want?"
It’s been 5 years since our wedding and my wife never talks about our wedding. And we still haven’t taken our photos. I still cannot fit into my suit but my wife still fits in her dress.
Surely this isn’t real? This is just rage bait. Right? If it is real, YTA a million times over and I don’t understand how someone as selfish as you has A) got a woman to agree to marry you and B) managed to remain married 5 years later.
Adding some detail in case it is real and you’re wondering. Biggest AH thing you did here was make HER not wear the beautiful dress that SHE bought and paid for, because YOU got fat?! Like what the actual fuck. She should have called the wedding off and ditched you right then, because there is no reason for this other than 100% pure selfishness and lack of appropriate planning (exercise, diet, self care) on your part. You were fat and felt ugly so you had to drag her down with you. AH!
Saddest thing about this is her family couldn’t be there. I do get that maybe it would have cost a lot of money to change the date, which is why this isn’t your number one AH move (at least there’s some possible justification for this one)… But family matters. More than anything in the world. WAY more than money. Maybe she would have rather got married at the most cheap venue existing a few years later with her loved ones by her side than go ahead with this planned day without them, feeling lonely on a day that should be full of love and joy. I know COVID meant many people got married without certain loved ones there but this makes me so sad on her behalf; you definitely should have postponed.
Add to that the vows and you’re the biggest AH I’ve seen on here in ages. She knows you and presumably (for some reason) loves you. Therefore she knows you aren’t amazing with words, but wanted to hear your vows regardless. It wasn’t a comparison or about “sounding stupid” it was just about using this one opportunity to say something heartfelt to her. You had so many options. You could have just done your best and spoke from the heart and not worried about others opinions of you. Or, worried about there opinion but speak anyway because you know it matters to your wife. You could have done your best but asked a close friend of family member help you a little to make sure they were up to scratch. You chose to do nothing which is cowardly and AH behaviour.
She asked for 3 things for her wedding and ALL 3 were very reasonable, she’s being the exact opposite of a “bridezilla” and you made it so she had 0/3 of the things that mattered. You fucked up MAJORLY and she will definitely still be very hurt by this even if she doesn’t speak about it. Resentment from this will be festering and you should be very very sorry and ashamed.
I can’t think of a better example where a person brings their SO down to their level and turns off the SO’s shining light.
YTA. I don’t believe this is real because I can’t imagine anyone marrying you.