Back story: i (female) live with three roommates; my boyfriend, best friend, and her boyfriend. Well I went on a hunting vacation trip and I came home after a week I was so happy to be home, and I had the next off to relax and clean up some. Well I planned to just sit on the couch the rest of the night and smoke and chill.
My friend comes in the my room doesn’t ask me my plans or anything just says “I’m inviting mom and dad over for dinner” and leaves. well I hadn’t smoked yet, but my plans were my plans so I smoked a little bit not as much as I usually do.
I told her “hey I’m gonna smoke” her words “okay just not too much” and went to get my pen from out little shed outside and hit it one time just enough to feel it
My friends parents come over and I’m sitting in the living room watching tv minding my business. I wasn’t going to go sit in the dinning room with them, but my friend wanted me to so I got up and went. I didn’t want to interact really I was tired and not in a social mood and her mom kept looking at me funny but I ignored it.
After they left I went back to the couch and later my friend and her boyfriend tell me everyone could tell I was high and that I shouldn’t have smoked. Her boyfriend told me it was disrespectful and my friend said I shouldn’t have done it because now her mom is gonna text her about it and she’s gonna have to deal with it.
My response to their words was; “she’s not my mom so it’s really not her business what I do and this is my house I live here I can do what I want in my house”
I would also like to state I have a issue when I eat after a couple bites I’m sick no matter what it is so usually I smoke before dinner so I can eat and I have anxiety so it helps with that too because a lot of my anxiety is food related.
Well this didn’t make them very happy so they stopped talking to me that night they are talking to me now, but my boyfriend just told me that they asked him to talk to me and tell me not to do that again. Boyfriend handled it wonderfully, told them “I do not control her, she is her own person and can do what she wants. if you want to talk to her go head don’t put me in the middle of it but I’m just saying it’s not that big of a deal and not important enough to maybe cause and fight when we all have a year long lease together”
I don’t know if they will talk to me about it or not, but I don’t think I’m the asshole her parents already knew I smoked before this so I don’t see the problem. I would also like to preface she smokes too everyone who live in our house does. I just wanted to relax and eat dinner alone but idk. please tell me if I’m the asshole and I will apologize to them and just stay in my room and tell her no when she begs me to come sit with them.
NTA
This is YOUR home, you are fine to use it that way.
If her parent’s can’t handle it, she should not bring them over.
I don’t think this makes you an asshole becuase it is your house and your roommate said nothing about smoking expectations for parents/company, but there isn’t a single world out there where I would have behaved the way you did either. So I’m not on your side and I think your behavior was rude, but in general living as your please in your own home doesn’t make you an asshole.
Im going with NAH becuase I think it’s great that they were able to talk to you about how they felt, and I understand where they are coming from so I think it was valid to bring up. I’d like to point out that while your boyfriend did handle the situation appropriately by reminding them he isn’t your keeper, it’s clear he isn’t in full support of your choices either so maybe do some introspection about why the people you’ve chosen to surround yourself with don’t support your actions here. Maybe you aren’t the good guy in this situation.
I will say I did ask if I could smoke before they came and she said yes just not too much, so I only hit the pen once for the time being because I didn’t wanna be super high just enough to eat without getting sick. Had she told me no I would have just not ate until after they left and we’d be good, I just got upset because they got so mad after they told me it was okay
NTA.
It’s a house you both pay rent for, therefore it’s a house both of you are allowed to do what you want.
She wanted her parents over, and you wanted to get high. Not your fault her parents seem uptight 😂!
Edit to add: your boyfriend seems a keeper by the way!
Not your roommates making you responsible for their parents’ reaction 😆
NTA
Definitely NTA. Her plans are her plans, not yours. She can’t hijack your relax-night after a long trip and expect you to be showcased on a whim. People don’t work that way. She can talk to you about it and you can come to a mutual agreement, maybe dont demand you sit with them after you smoke or whatever, but she can’t just demand and expect things.
NTA. If your roommate’s parent’s coming over necessitated you changing your behavior in your own home in any way, your roommate should have sought your agreement/permission/blessing to invite them over first. You’re friends, it doesn’t sound like you would unreasonably withhold permission and would likely be willing to not smoke to help facilitate a peaceful visit under a lot of circumstances. Under these circumstances, it would have been reasonable to say “tonight isn’t a good night for this because i’m tired and need to chill on my own terms,” had she asked.
NTA
Your roommate obviously knows you smoke. She didn’t ask you about your plans when she advised her parents were coming over, so you didn’t have to change any plans for her.
These are HER guests, not yours. If she wanted to ask you a favour of not smoking, or joining them for dinner or maybe taking off for a bit while they had a visit…she could have asked but didn’t. Therefore, you can go about your business.
If she wanted you to be part of the visit, she should have told you, then you could have either a)declined or b) said yes and not smoked (no one wants to sit around talking to someone while they’re high).
Roomate needs to communicate better and ask for what she wants.
NTA! Your house, you do as you please not what pleases people who don’t live there.
NTA, but this could have all been avoided if you had feigned a headache and just went to your room. Sometimes even just going through the back and forth with saying no is not worth it. Obviously you can smoke in your house if your roommates are okay with it.
NTA
That is, assuming:
1) Weed is legal where you live
2) Your roommate has never expressed concern with you smoking in the common areas or the residence in general
3) You were not actively smoking in front of the guests
Can you also clarify if you were *smoking* smoking, or just vaping or whatever?
I don’t think it really matters, but how would you classify your level of high?
NTA, but maybe offer them some edibles next time to be polite.
NTA
You all are adults. Roommate needs to get over mommy issues.
NTA. You’re a roommate, not a child. You pay to live there. Mommy doesn’t. If your roommate or their parents have an issue with what you do in your home and want to instill rules, they can start paying your rent. Until then, as long as you aren’t breaking any laws or PREEXISTING WRITTEN lease rules, they can all mind their business.