My wife and I (both early 40s) bought a house a few years ago and have quickly outgrown it. We’ve added a kid (2 total, both under 5) and what was supposed to be a 3rd bedroom in the basement has quickly become a storage spot for all the crap in our house. It’s always stressed me out but finding time to get down there and organize things is daunting .
Today, for the first time since we moved in 3 years ago, I happened to be in the basement on my lunch break and decided to plug in my electric guitar. I was really getting into a grove and just so at peace with myself for the first time in forever. Guitar used to be a huge part of my identity and it was honestly therapeutic to reconnect. My wife suddenly decided that was the time to come downstairs and organize everything. At first, she was just moving small things around and getting stuff ready for the trash. No problem. Suddenly, she came to me, clicked her tongue and pointed towards as if to say, "off your ass, time to work!". I was really thrown off by this sudden need to reorganize the entire room during our lunch break and I protested. I was not happy and let her know she ruined my meditative state. Regardless, I helped her move a few big things before leaving to get something to eat.
She turned it into a full afternoon project and demanded I come down to look when she finished several hours later. I told her I really wasn’t happy and I’d look when I was ready. Suddenly, I’m an ungrateful jerk because she "did all of this for me". I let her know I didn’t ask for any of it and just wanted to play my guitar and was having so much fun in my own headspace before being interrupted. She came back mocking me about "oh I’m SOOOO sorry I ruined your first time playing your guitar in years what a b*tch i am!". Now we’re avoiding each other.
So, am I the asshole for being upset about my ruined therapeutic jam sesh?
YTA
>It’s always stressed me out but finding time to get down there and organize things is daunting
Has she asked you to organize this room before and you haven’t? And you’re wondering why she might pounce during the first instance she knows you’re in the room and can help?
Dude was on his lunch break. His time was limited.
Deciding to “pounce” at the first opportunity is AH behaviour.
If you are WFH and on your lunch break, definitely NTA. If wife wants assistance moving things and working on a “together ” project, communication in advance is needed, so you can both agree schedules. Your lunch break is yours to do what you want, just like if you had one in the office. If you’ve pre agreed with your wife that you will do certain jobs around the house on your lunch break, then that’s different and you may be TAH. But this sounds like a situation where she decided she needed to do something now and you weren’t previously involved in arranging
ESH
You two need a vacation… but that’s not happening anytime soon I’d imagine.
You both need to learn to communicate, plan, and prioritize together. Communication is paramount here… because that’s not necessary.
INFO: You say you “happened to be” in the basement during your lunch break. Why?
This may be an entirely different scenario, but the way you describe this sounds a lot like when one of my parents would repeatedly say some cleaning project needed to get done that week and the other would finally start in on it and get distracted by something they found…and then the project wouldn’t get done.
My desk where I WFH is located in the basement. Amidst all the junk and clutter that we, collectively, have not had time to tackle.
It’s the equivalent of getting distracted with a toy you haven’t seen in a while, while cleaning your room.
You’re an adult. You should have just helped your wife.
I wasn’t already in the process of cleaning though? I was taking a break from my job at my desk in the basement and decided to play. That’s when she decided it was time to reorganize.
ESH I get that you wanted to relax but I bet your wife saw you down there and wanted to take advantage of you being present to do the organizing. She’s rude for that of course, but based on what you said you’ve been avoiding going down there.
You should set up your guitar in that space and organize for that use case. You can have more mediation time that way
I didn’t even read it, I think you’re the AH for being a grown man and using “jam session” in a sentence.
Reminds me of Jason Bateman’s character from Juno 💀
ESH. The way you have narrated the events is clearly designed to make you look good and put your wife down. It’s clear some details are missing, and you and your partner clearly need to spend some time working on communication skills.
Paragraphs are GOOD things.
DUUUUUDE. I’m struggling to believe this isn’t slop or rage bait. On the remote chance that you’re actually over 40 and have two children under 5…
JFC, YTA.
You got down there and started playing. Yay! Important for parents to keep a sense of self. (Where were the children and who was looking after them? They’re both under 5.)
She came down, huffed a bit, started clearing the stuff that you said needed clearing. From your description, she gave you some eye roll and tutting, and you kept jamming. (WHERE ARE THE KIDS?)
Then she spent SEVERAL HOURS CLEANING (AND WHERE WERE THE KIDS?!) and asked you to come see what she’d done and you threw a hissy fit about being asked to admire the hard work she’d done that you said needed doing that you were too busy Self-Actuating to do??
Seriously??? Your breaking point was her sharing what she’d done for both of you that you specified needed doing? (AND WHO WAS LOOKING AFTER THE KIDS ALL THIS TIME?)